


Don't Let Me Go

by Bethahnay



Series: Give All or Take All [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Fluff, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-24
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2017-12-24 11:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 30
Words: 55,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/939267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bethahnay/pseuds/Bethahnay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson isn't your average 17 year old boy; wearing glasses, having ADHD and being gay isn't a walk in the park, especially in school. He's bullied almost every single day and crying himself to sleep becomes a nightly routine for the depressed boy. Just as things were taking a turn for the worse, a curly haired and green eyed boy by the name of Harry moves into town--ending up flipping Louis' world around completely.</p><p>Or the one where Louis is bullied and Harry is his knight in shining armor but dressed in skin tight jeans and band t-shirts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost And Insecure

"Mum, please don't make me go to school today." Louis looked into his mum's eyes as he grabbed her hand, trying to find comfort in her motherly warmth. He needed something to make him calm, some sort of reassurance that his mum would give in and he wouldn't have to face another day in the dreaded hell he called school. "Please don't. One more day out, please."

Jay's eyes roamed her eldest child's face until landing upon his eyes. The usual bright blue ones were masked over in grey and on the brink of tears. It pained her to see her own flesh and blood like that, scared, petrified even to face another day at school where he'd encounter endless teasing and bullying. "You've missed so many days of school already, dear. You have to go. Maybe this time it'll be different." She reassured as she squeezed Louis's hand and pressed her lips against his cheek where she could taste the salty substance of his tears. "You say that every single time!" He roared while throwing his blankets to the side and climbing out of bed. "You say it . . . every day but it never gets better, just worse." 

Louis had now seated himself on his desk chair, keeping his eyes focused out of the window even whenever feeling the soft touch of his mum's hands on his shoulders. His breathing uneven and coming out in short breaths as he tried to control himself. 

"Calm down, deep breaths through your nose then let it out slowly." His mum sighed. She honestly did not want to relive last week, his panic attack had gotten the worse it's ever been, then afterwards he ended up having a seizure.

"Why can't I be home schooled?" 

She let out a laugh and raked her fingers through the tangled mess of her son's hair. "Your father and I don't have the schedule to be able to do so, LouBear. If we could, we would. Now get dressed and ready then come downstairs, I'm making pancakes."

Even though Louis wasn't the happiest at his mum for making him go to school, he couldn't deny her infamous pancakes he had grown to love. "With the little chocolate chips cooked inside?" His voice was quiet and pathetic and he hated how much he sounded like a child right then. "Well of course!" Jay smiled and planted a kiss on his forehead before trotting from his room and shutting the door behind her.

Louis was now left to himself in the quietness of his room. 

The boy figured soon he would be forced to get ready for school so he might as well do it now. He pushed through the clothes in his closet but hadn't a clue in the world what to wear. So he found his attire to end up being; sweatpants, his Tom & Hawk Manolito Montoya Sweater that his parents had gotten him last Christmas that was now a bit large on him, and grey TOMS. Styling his hair didn't take long, all he did was brush it out and boom, finished. But no matter how many times he brushed his hair over, there would still be pieces that continued to stick up and it annoyed the hell out of him.

"Breakfast, Lou!" Jay called from downstairs in the kitchen, setting one plate of chocolate chip pancakes on the islander along with a glass of milk. Little did the mother know that her son was upstairs in the bathroom he shared with two of his sisters, Lottie and Fizz, staring into the mirror and picking out every single flaw he had. Demolishing the tiny ounce of self esteem he had left in him. "Louis, get down here! And don't forget your glasses!"

Minutes passed and her son was seen moping down the stairs with his backpack slung over his shoulder and glasses rest on his nose. "Slow poke," she teased playfully and gave him a warming smile, watching as he took a seat on one of the three bar stools that were pushed into the islander. "Eat up, Mark has a bit of time this morning before work to drive you to school."

On the inside Louis was ecstatic and jumping for joy, he wouldn't have to take the bus with some of those cruel kids this morning. But on the outside, he just gave his mum a forced but thankful smile while starting to devour his pancakes. 

Cheek kisses and hugs were exchanged throughout his family before step father and son made their way out of the front door. "I'm supposed to be getting off of work early this afternoon and I can pick you up from school, how about you and I go to the music store? I know you've been wanting a new record for awhile." And Louis' step dad was right, he had already listened to his other records so many times that he was slowly growing tired of them. "Really?" Louis looked at Mark with bright eyes and the middle aged man gave his step son a smile before focusing his eyes back on the road. "Of course. I'll let you pick out any three records you'd like and I'll buy them for you."

That was the second best news he had heard all morning, other than learning that his mother had made chocolate chip pancakes. All he had to do was survive this school day then he would be given the privilege to get three records, three! At least he had something to look forward to. 

"I'm holding you to that, Mark." Louis said as he hopped out of the car and shut the passenger side door.

Mark let out a throaty chuckle and nodded his head, and Louis watched as the car drove off of the schools campus until it was out of sight. 

~ * ~

"Hey, faggot!" 

Louis' head snapped over to where the voice was coming from and his chest tightened up. He quickly started making his way down the hall, clutching his binder close to him. "Hey now, don't walk away from me. Didn't see you at school last Friday, know what that means?" Louis didn't want to think of what it meant because he already knew, he'd get a much worse beating from the guy who was following him, Mikey, he treated Louis like his own personal punching bag. The bullying at school has gotten worse, it went from only verbal to verbal and physical. 

He was too caught up in glancing behind himself as he walked to see where Mikey was, whom had stopped dead in his tracks. Louis' brows scrunched in confusion as he continued to walk but that was quickly interrupted whenever he felt himself bump into a chest of someone. His eyes travelled up the suited figure and Louis couldn't help but breath a sigh of relief, the principal. He couldn't be happier to see him!

"Hello, Mr. Tomlinson, care to follow me to the main office?"

The boy didn't scruple and wasted no time nodding his head, following in the lead of the middle aged man. He had a white beard, slicked back black hair and dark brown eyes that reminded Louis of a Hershey's chocolate bar. 

"Something you needed me for, Mr. Larkins?"

"Yes, actually. We have a new student."

Louis opened his mouth to ask what he was specifically needed for as the two walked into the office, but all that came out was dry air. 

There stood, who Louis could only presume was the new student, a tall figure with curly hair and bright emerald green eyes that he was reluctant to come in contact with, holding some books and papers in his arm. His legs seemed like they were a mile long in black skinny jeans that hugged the new student's legs perfectly. "Louis, this is Harry Styles. Harry, this is Louis . . ." Louis snapped out of his daze of staring at the boy, Harry, to look over at the principal. "I want you to show Mr. Styles here around the school if you could. Show him to his classes, get him situated in and make him feel welcome. You two have classes together and you're a bright young lad. Can you do that?" The principal continued. 

His lips parted slightly and he couldn't even speak, only being able to nod his head. 

"Good, good!" Mr. Larkins patted Louis' shoulder before walking to a door that read 'Principal' on a gold plaque like thing and going inside. Which left Louis and Harry to themselves in a uncomfortable silence, that is until Louis cleared his throat. "Uh, uhm . . . w-what's your 4th period?" 

"My 4th is English," the curly haired lad spoke and Louis could feel his insides burning like a flame upon hearing Harry's voice. It was deeper and a tad bit husky and Louis wanted to melt like candle wax right then and there. "Me too." Louis' voice was squeaky and he mentally face palmed himself.

Harry ended up following right behind Louis down the hall like a lost puppy. People glared, stared and whispers erupted all throughout the 11th grade hallway.

~ * ~

The rest of the day, Louis had to admit to himself, went the greatest it ever had! He couldn't stop blabbing to his best friend Liam as they stepped outside of the school about how with Harry following him around, no one messed with him. He interpreted that maybe it was because Harry honestly did intimidate some people with his whole 'bad boy' aura. 

" . . . and then Mikey cornered me in the bathroom before 6th period and Harry steps inside and Mikey walked away like it hadn't even happened! Can you believe that?!" Louis beamed with a big smile on his lips. "It's like Harry is my protector or something, you know? Like he was sent here as some fallen angel and shit to help me get happy again. To . . . protect me from everyone."

Liam chuckled and shook his head, patting on Louis' shoulder gently. "That's great, Lou. But I have to get heading home. Text me?"

He nodded and watched as his best friend walked away from him, leaving him alone to lean against the school and wait for his step father to pick him up. 

"Oh, look here, the faggot is all alone now."

Louis' smiled from his face faded and his mood instantly crashed down into the dumps. Why? He thought. My day was taking a turn for the best.

"H-Harry is going to come outside any minute." He stumbled over his words and couldn't believe what he had said. It had only been a few hours since he met the curly haired lad and he was already acting like the boy would come up and save him any minute, then take him away like some knight in metal amour with a sword and a noble steed.

Mikey smirked and Louis backed away, those were his first instincts. To cower away like a chicken. "Don't walk away from me, boy. Gotta make up for last week and earlier, am I right? The more you chicken off like a little bitch, the worse you'll get it."

He knew it was true. Whenever he let Mikey just go at him, the most he ended up with was a bloody nose or a black eye. But when trying to get away, it got worse. Even ended up with a sprained wrist before.

"Good boy," Mikey patted his head and treated him like he was some dog whenever Louis stopped dead in his tracks.

One punch.

Two.

Three.

Four punches soon turned into seven and right as Mikey raised his fist for the eighth, a beautiful voice spoke loudly and Louis groaned in pain underneath the school's wrestling captain. "Hey!"

There's my savior, Louis thought as he let out a shaky breath, wincing in pain whenever he was tossed down onto the warm concrete. "Get away from him," Harry balled his fist as he stepped closer and Mikey raised his hands in defeat. "Going, going." He said, true to his word but not before leaning down to Louis and mumbling to him that it wasn't over.

"Are you alright?" Harry crouched down and Louis' eyes peeked open as he saw a pair of green eyes examining his face. "Just peachy," he sighed and slowly sat up, "where are my glasses?"

After a minute, Louis felt his glasses being slid slowly onto his face and he smiled weakly. "Thank you." Harry shook his head and smiled, "It's not a problem. Come on," Harry put an arm around Louis' waist and helped him to his feet, and he couldn't help but giggle at the gesture. 

Harry helped him get cleaned up in the boys bathroom then led him back outside in the nick of time, because that's whenever Mark's car strolled up. "Ready?" Mark called out to him after rolling down the passenger side window, and he nodded and swiftly turned to Harry. "Really, though. Thank you." "And like I said, it wasn't a problem." Harry and Louis exchanged smiles to each other before Louis slid himself into his step fathers car and slammed the door shut, giving Harry one last look before the car drove off.


	2. He Fights To Find His Way

“Louis!” Louis’ head shot over to where his name was being called to find a disgruntled Liam storming towards him down the sidewalk. Louis was making his way to the library but apparently his trip was going to be cut short. “What has your boxers in a twist?” He raised an eyebrow as Liam huffed, crossing his arms over his chest “You get beaten up by Mikey and don’t even care to tell me?!”

He let out a sigh and shook his head, brushing his fingers through his hair slowly. “It was nothing, Li, honestly. Harry stopped him before it could get any worse. I only ended up with a bloody nose and busted lip. Hell, that’s nothing compared to some of the beatings.” Louis chuckled but Liam was still not pleased, letting out a whine like a little child who just had a tell off from his parents. “You’re my best friend, Louis. I want to know when this happens. I get worried about you. ”

Louis pouted out his bottom lip and slung his arms around the neck of his slightly taller best friend. “You know I love you.”

Liam glanced down at the pouty-faced boy but shook his head, turning his head to face the other way “Nope. Not the pout.” Louis puckered his lip out more and Liam finally gave in with a sigh. “I guess I love you too.”

“Want to go get pizza?” Louis suggested with a bright smile after planting a wet one on his cheek.

“Actually, I need to talk to you," Liam said slowly while wiping his wet cheek with the back of his hand.

Louis didn’t care for Liam’s serious tone, this was definitely important. “Oh, well yeah. Sure. Lets talk at the park.” Louis wasn’t looking forward to whatever this talk was about, Liam was just a laid-back, funny, fatherly figure sort of guy and he knew by the tone of his voice, it probably wasn’t going to be a walk in a field of roses. Was he dying? Cancer? Parents getting divorced? All sorts of horrible possibilities ran through his head whenever he snapped out of it to realize they had arrived at the park.

They took a seat together at a picnic table, both on opposite sides of the table and Louis slowly chipped the cheap paint away with his thumb nail. “So, what is it you need to talk to me about?” He asked nervously.

“I’m . . . well I’m . . . I just . . .”

“Will you spit it out?!”

“I’m moving.”

Louis let his eyes travel away from his friend and suddenly his TOMS were the most interesting thing in the world. He just wanted to act like that wasn’t happening, and that it wouldn’t. But it would and he knew it. “W-when?” He tried to hide the sadness but it was clear through his voice.

“Next week, the day spring break starts. I knew I had to tell you sooner or later, and I didn’t want to break it to you the day I’m leaving. Are you alright?” Liam placed his hand on the top of Louis’ and rubbed his thumb slowly over the top. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner. But my dad was offered a great job offer and he couldn’t turn it down.”

Louis felt absolutely crushed by this news. Who would he turn to now whenever he had problems? Or just wanted to hang out with? Liam was his rock, other than his mum of course, but he was also his only real friend. Whenever Liam left, he would be alone to drown in his own thoughts without Liam being his life jacket.

He couldn’t answer, he just couldn’t trust his voice then and there. He’d become a blubbering mess and that was one thing he absolutely hated, crying in front of other people. His nose and eyes get red, eyes get puffy and he sputters his words. And it made him feel small and weak.

Liam sighed while pulling his hand away, running both of them down his face in a slow manner. “I’ll leave you alone, but will you at least call me later to let me know if you’re okay?” Louis answered his question with only a nod and a sniffle, which made the puppy-eyed boy look at his broken friend in sympathy.

Soon enough, Louis was left to himself to ponder on the things that would happen whenever Liam left.

~ * ~

“Honey, dinner will be here soon,” Jay smiled at her eldest child as he walked inside of the house but her smile went as soon as it came, noticing he had been crying. “What’s wrong?”

“I just want to be alone right now, mum.” Louis wiped his eyes with his hoodie sleeve and didn’t even give his mother a glance before trudging upstairs to his room where he slammed shut the door.

Louis slid down his bedroom door, tugging at the ends of his hair gently while tears escaped his eyes and slid down his reddened cheeks. How could Liam do this to him?! There would be no one that honestly understood him like his best friend could. Not even his parents understood the things that went on with him. Louis was anything but an open book. Staggered breaths left his chapped lips as he constantly licked them, soon tasting the salty substance of his tears.

His eyes darted over to his closet, knowing something that could take away the raging pain in his chest almost instantly.

He got up, stumbling at first but gripping onto the doorknob to regain balance. His feet padded slowly against the floor and he grabbed a small carved box that was under a pile of clothes. Louis opened it up to find 3 razors lying there, just calling for him to use them. He shuddered and grabbed one out of the velvety inside of the box and twisted it slowly in his fingers. ‘Do it now, do it now.’ Those words repeated over and over in his head but he gathered them all and threw them in his trash can, sinking down onto his bed with his face in his hands.

“LouBear.” His mum’s voice was heard at his bedroom door and he took in a deep breath, telling her to come in. “Hey, Lou. Are you okay?” Jay sat beside her son and rest a gentle hand on his back, caught off guard whenever he leaned fully into her arms. “Shh,” she cooed in his ear as his broken sobs filled the room, her arms wrapping securely around him. “L-Liam, he’s . . . m-moving away.” Louis spoke after a few minutes after his crying had settled down and he involuntarily started to hiccup.

Jay shut her eyes and pressed a kiss to Louis’ forehead, letting out a quiet sigh that went unnoticed by her son. “It’ll be alright, okay? I . . . I promise you that. You’ll find someone that you’ll get as close to as you are with Liam.”

Louis raised his head from his mother’s shoulder to look at her, smiling weakly while wiping an extra tear that slipped. “I just really love him, he’s been there with me through thick and thin and I’ll miss him.”

“You’ll always miss the ones you care about when they go away,” she cupped the side of his face and used her thumbs to wipe his tear stained cheeks. “Come on, dinner is here and I ordered your favorite pizza from Pizza Hut.” Louis chuckled lightly and nodded, rubbing his eyes slowly in order to dry the rest of his tears.

The two went downstairs where their family was sitting at the table, waiting to say grace before starting to eat. After saying grace, they all started to eat and Louis swallowed a bite of his pizza, glancing around at everyone. “I um . . . I think I made a new friend at school.” He said hesitantly and the corners of his lips tugged into a smile whenever his family members stopped what they were doing to look at him. “His name is Harry.”

Lottie and Fizzy puckered their lips at their older step-brother while Daisy and Phoebe giggled at their sisters actions. “He’s going to get a boyfriend!” Fizzy said proudly while raising her plastic cup of Coca Cola, “to this Harry dude, Louis’ future boyfriend.”

“Hush it.” Jay said sternly to Fizzy but couldn’t hold back a smile which she shared with Louis. “Oh come on, mum! Look, he’s even blushing at the mention of Harry’s name.” This had went unnoticed by Louis but as his sister Lottie had mentioned it, the heat in his cheeks rose. Had he really blushed at just hearing Harry’s name?

“I don’t even know anything about him, you little dweebs.” Louis stuck his tongue out, Fizzy and Lottie returning the action.

~ * ~

“Thank you for doing the dishes, Louis!” Jay called out to Louis who was now making his way upstairs to his room. “Wasn’t a problem!” He called back before opening his bedroom door and letting the cool breeze hit his face. In an instant, he was curled up on his bed and powering up his laptop.

Yahoo! and Twitter were the first things he checked, then he went onto Tumblr and ended on the social media website Facebook. As he logged on, a few notifications and a friend request popped up at the top and he furrowed his eyebrows downwards. Who was trying to add him?

Cautiously, as if he thought it was some creepy pedophile, he clicked the request and it came up the name ‘Harry Styles’ and Louis bit down gently on his bottom lip. Harry?

He clicked on the name and ended up on the profile page, looking at the profile picture closely to see that it was, in fact, a picture of the Harry he knew. A smile formed on his lips and he giggled. Giggled. Did I really just giggle? He thought with a shake of the head. Gladly, Louis accepted the friend request and not even a 5 minutes later, a message from the one and only Harry popped up on the bottom of his screen.

‘Louis, hi! Glad you accepted my friend request. :) I was wondering if tomorrow you’d care to come over to my house and help me with my schoolwork? I’m waaaayyy behind and I don’t know anyone else and as the principal said, and I quote, “you’re a bright young lad,” unquote. ;) Sound like a plan? If not, let me know! xx’ - Harry

The heat on Louis’ cheeks rose as he wiggled his fingers nervously over the keys on his keyboard, not having a bloody clue what to reply. He sent me a wink and two kisses, Louis tapped on the keyboard with a groan. Even if he did have plans for the next day, he’d gladly ditch them just to spend time with his prince, who instead of wearing armor, wore black skinny jeans and a loose fitting Ramones shirt. Louis didn’t even know what the hell he was thinking or even getting himself into! He barely knew this boy but even at the mention of his name or thinking about him made him get a weird feeling, a weirdly nice feeling. It’s just because he saved me from Mikey. You’re very grateful, that’s it!

‘Hi, Harry! :) And tomorrow? Well sure, I don’t think I have anything planned. What time would be best? And NO, just forget he ever said that. Doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Nope.’ - Louis

‘You know good and well what he said, and I think he’s about right. ;) How about after school? Meet me in the school parking lot, black Audi R8, can’t miss it! Well gotta go, my sister is being a pain and forcing me off of the computer. Catch ya later.’ - Harry

‘That sounds like a plan then. Haha, I know how much of a pain sisters can be. See you tomorrow!’ - Louis

Louis watched as it showed a minute later that Harry was offline, and he sighed, brushing his fingers through his hair. Climbing off of his bed after logging out, he walked down the hall and knocked softly on his parents bedroom door. “Come in!” Mark called from inside and Louis slowly peeked the door open to find Mark walking out of the master bathroom with shaving cream on his face and pajamas on, his mum sitting on the bed flipping through a magazine.

“Hey, I was wondering if it was alright, that tomorrow after school I go to Harry’s house? He needs help getting caught up with his schoolwork.”

Jay smiled widely and gave him a wink which was noticed by Mark, who just chuckled and nodded. “Just no sex.” His mum said and he nearly choked on his breath, “w-what? Are you crazy? God, mum.” Louis groaned and shut the door, heading back into his bedroom where he picked out his outfit for the next day and gave a call to Liam to let him know he was alright.

~ * ~

Louis walked into school with his backpack up on his shoulder, seeing people giving him strange looks but he shrugged them off. As he walked over to his locker, he put in the combination and opened it up. He got out his binder and a few mechanical pencils before stuffing his backpack into the small locker, shutting the locker door and getting startled by seeing a figure leaning against the lockers right behind him. “Harry? Oh my God.” He breathed and put a hand over his chest. “Is it ‘scare Louis to death’ morning or something?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Harry chuckled and then appeared a cheeky smile on his lips as dimples indented in his cheeks. “Was wondering if you’re still up to coming to my house to help me after school?”

“Yeah. Of course. As long as you don’t give me a heart attack before the day is up.”

Harry smirked and crossed one of his feet over the other, crossing his arms under his chest. “So, about yesterday with that guy . . .”

Ring.

Ring.

Ring.

“Whoops, sorry, gotta get to class,” Louis said and scurried off down the hall, not taking a look back at Harry who was dumbfounded. He didn’t want to explain to him why Mikey had beat him up, or how he always had. He wasn’t going to spill everything to the boy he had just met the day before. Louis was keeping his walls up and wasn’t planning on taking them down any time soon, even if he did think Harry was one mighty fine stud muffin.

The classes that Louis had with Harry felt like they were slower than ever, but in Science he definitely did not mind staring at the back of Harry's fluffy hair, glad that he didn’t have to make eye contact with the beautiful boy.

The final school bell had rung and Louis dragged his feet down the multi-colored tiled floors, going to his locker to see Mikey standing by it. Oh shit.

He took in a deep breath and walked over, trying to do his combination but he was way too nervous. “Glad you could finally make it, Louis.” His deep Puerto Rican voice rang in Louis’ ear and made him cringe.

Louis shuttered and slowly turned Mikey’s way, fidgeting nervously with his fingers. “W-what do you want, Mikey?”

“It seems that, that Styles guy is nowhere to be seen. And . . .” Mikey turned around a few times then stopped, shooting the frightened boy a smirk, “I don’t see the principal around anywhere. Really think you're going to rescued today?”

Louis gulped, licking on his chapped lips nervously. “I-I don’t want any trouble. Please.” Louis felt pathetic for begging his bully not to hurt him. People gave strange looks as Mikey forced him up against the locker, but did nothing about what was happening. The lock dug into his backside and Louis let out a yelp in pain. One punch to the gut was all Louis needed to crouch down in pain and let his binder drop to the ground with a ‘thud.’

“This isn’t over, Tomlinson.” He spat with force, yanking Louis’ glasses off and throwing them down onto the ground. “Remember that.”

Crunch.

Louis could see without his glasses, just . . . not as clearly. Everything he looked at seemed to have a slight blur to it.

He listened to Mikey’s footsteps and whenever they were gone, he shakily stood up and wiped furiously at his wet eyes. No, I’m not going to cry at school.

After 5 minutes of fiddling with his combination lock, Louis got his locker opened and instantly went for his backpack. Taking out a case that had a spare pair of glasses in them. He slid them on and sighed, stuffing his binder into his backpack before pulling it onto his shoulder and slamming the locker door shut. He needed to get out of there.

The 3 minute walk down a flight of stairs then down a hall to the main entrance seemed like forever to Louis as he thought about the things to come. When Liam moved, when Harry got popular. Louis wanted nothing more than for this school year to be over. Months wouldn’t go by quickly, they’d drag on forever and the school days would drag on forever and he wasn’t sure if he could handle that or not.

Louis walked into the parking lot where more teacher cars were parked then student cars. But Harry’s black Audi R8 stood out more than anything. It was shiny and fancy looking and Louis had to admit he was a wee bit jealous. His eyes travelled to where Harry’s figure was leaning against the hood, but he wasn’t alone. There was another boy leaning beside him on the car, Harry’s age - if not older - pulling a cigarette from his mouth and exhaling smoke. 

He inched closer and watched the two pass the cigarette back and forth from each other. Harry smoked? And who was this guy?

“Harry?” Louis squeaked and both of their heads instantly turned to look at him. The tougher looking guy was wearing tan chinos, a white wife-beater tank top and black Converse, with his hair up in a quiff. He raised an eyebrow at Louis while Harry smiled widely and passed the cigarette back to the other guy. “Louis, hey! I was hoping you’d make it, you were taking quite a long time.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that,” Louis scratched the back of his neck nervously. The other guy who was puffing on the cigarette was staring at him and it made him shift uncomfortably. “Well gotta get going, mate. I’ll catch up with you later!”

The guy nodded with a small smile playing on his lips and leaned up off of the car, Louis watched as he walked away. Who was he, anyways? Not that it was any of his business but he was majorly curious. Louis could have sworn he knows who it is! The dude was from around here, but he couldn’t quite put his tongue on who the guy is. “Louis, I asked if you’re ready to go?” Harry’s voice snapped Louis out of his concentration and he nodded shyly, about to open the door but Harry’s hand on the top of his stopped him from doing so. “I got it. You’re the guest in my car.” He smiled cheekily and the heat on Louis’ cheeks rose from about 10% to 315%.

Harry opened up the door, allowing Louis to slide himself into the car and start to buckle himself in before the door was shut. The car was extraordinary and the seats were comfortable but Louis could faintly smell the stench of cigarette smoke which made his stomach churn.

Not even 15 seconds later, Harry was already in the drivers side, buckled in and starting the engine. “Ready to go?"

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”


	3. A Not So Smooth-ie Move

Harry shrugged his backpack off of his shoulders, dropping it onto the floor by the front door which gave Louis quite a fright because he was taken out of his thoughts. “Come on in and make yourself at home. Care for anything to eat or drink?” Harry smiled and Louis slowly shook his head, “I’m good.”

Walking himself fully inside, the scent of sweet vanilla filled his nose and Louis felt himself holding back a smile as he did a 360 turn to check out the living room. It was nice and tidy with a few boxes scattered around and it smelt wonderful. The voice of a woman was heard from upstairs as Louis shut the front door, and he froze in place to watch the lady come downstairs. “Harry, is that-. . .oh hello there.” The woman was clearly caught off guard by seeing a boy, other than her son, standing there.

"Mum, this is Louis! He's here to help me get caught up with my school papers. Is it alright if he stays over for awhile?" Harry slung an arm around Louis' shoulders with a grin.

"Oh, well of course. I'm Ms. Cox but you can call me Anne." Anne gave a polite smile to Louis who returned it back to her, "lovely place you have here." She laughed and took a glance around her living room. "I apologize for some messes, we're not fully finished unpacking yet."

Louis felt Harry tug on his forearm so he gave Anne a wave before willingly letting Harry tug him up the stairs. He admired the carvings in the wood railing and wall decorations along the way.

"So, welcome to my domain. Take a look around and make yourself comfortable. I'm going to get my book bag from downstairs." And with that, Louis was left by himself in Harry's bedroom.

His blue eyes travelled slowly around the navy blue painted room that had a few band posters hung on them. There was a queen sized bed with one small table on the left side, a black corner desk by the window with a MacBook and lamp on it, and boxes scattered messily around. It was lovely and content, Louis loved it.

"What do you suggest we start on first?" Harry's voice rang in Louis' ear, causing him to turn around and shrug. "Well, how about English? It's one of my best subjects."

An hour went by and they had gotten through most of Harry's work papers, finished up in the subjects English and Science. Louis was about to start explaining something on a History sheet, but his stomach started to growl.

"That was rather embarrassing," Louis mumbled with a deep sigh, rubbing his forehead slowly. "You hungry? We can make smoothies. I have been told I blend the best." Harry bragged.

Louis smirked over at the curly haired lad and nodded, pushing the papers and textbooks from his lap. "The best? Then I think I’ll have to try one of your famous smoothies.”

“Yes!” Harry exclaimed and got up from the bed, not even caring to pick up the papers he threw mindlessly on the floor. Harry grabbed Louis’ wrist and dragged him out into the hallway then downstairs to the kitchen.

Harry clasped his hands together excitedly and sighed happily, “okay. So, ingredients.” He wandered around the kitchen, gathering the items needed for the smoothie then laying them on the islander that was in the middle of the kitchen. “Care to measure out half a cup of milk?” Harry asked, not bothering to look up at Louis as he continued to chop up a banana.

“Sure,” Louis smiled and did as asked, then pouring it into the blender as Harry added the other ingredients. “Be prepared to taste the most amazing smoothie ever in the history of the universe.” Harry smiled and put his face close to the bottom of the blender, his finger hovering over a button.

“Wait, Harry.”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t you need the-” Louis stopped mid-sentence and quickly put on the top to the blender right as Harry pressed a button. “-top,” he chuckled and rubbed his forehead. “Whoops.” Harry smiled and pressed his face against the blender to watch the contents inside get mixed up. Louis admired this, it made him look like a kid in a candy shop, with wide eyes and a cheesy smile.

Louis took his hand from the top as Harry stopped it, but then decided that it needed to be blended more so he pressed a button again. “Harry!” Louis breathed out but it was too late, the lid of the blender popped off and landed God knows where. As if in slow motion, when it reality it happened rather quickly, the contents inside of the blender went flying every which way. On the ceiling, on the walls, on the floor, and on the boys.

“Well shit,” Harry cursed and wiped the smoothie from his eyes, flinging it onto the ground. His hands travelled to his smoothie covered hair as he screeched. “My hair!”

“We- . . . no, you just got smoothie all over your mum’s kitchen and you’re worried about your hair?!” Louis said in frustration and worry, but it all faded out as he started laughing quietly, and he ended up doubling over onto the floor in a laughing fit.

Harry raised an eyebrow and put his hand over his mouth, sliding down the islander and plopping his bum down onto the floor. “We . . . I . . . smoothie . . . oh my God!” He chuckled and laughed, throwing his head back and covering his eyes. “I can’t believe I did that. My mum is going to kill me.”

They both had a fit of laughing for minutes on end before it died down slowly and they caught their breaths.

“Harry, Louis, I’m going o- what happened to my kitchen?!” Harry’s mother gasped in horror at the sight of her once beautiful kitchen, that was now covered in smoothie. The smoothie covered boys scrambled up but Harry ended up slipping and falling on his back with a groan. She put her hand on her head and felt a drop of smoothie drop from the ceiling and onto her nose. “Honestly, boys?” Anne sighed deeply and shook her head. “This better be cleaned up by the time I get back.” And with that, Anne left the two boys alone.

Louis put his hand down to where Harry lay on the ground, and Harry grabbed it while pulling himself up. “This is going to be hell to clean up.”

He smirked at Harry as smoothie ran down his own lips, and he licked them slowly. “Mm, you do make wonderful smoothies. But you, curly, are going to clean this mess up yourself. And if you don’t mind, I am going to take a shower.”

‘Curly’ let out a dissatisfied groan and pouted out his bottom lip to his smoothie covered friend. “You suck.”

“I can guarantee you that one,” Louis grinned before making his way upstairs and to Harry’s room. As he searched through his backpack, he stopped and sighed deeply. Did I honestly say that to him?! He thought with a shake of the head and grabbed an extra pair of clothes from his backpack. Louis always carried around an extra set of clothes for two facts being, lunches have been dumped on him multiple times at school, and he is very clumsy.

His shower didn’t take long, he squirted on some body wash and rinsed away the mess on his body. He came out of the bathroom with wet hair and a fresh, clean pair of clothes.

“Harry?” Louis called out whenever he didn’t hear him in the kitchen, and when he walked to the doorway he saw a uninterested Harry lazily moving a mop around on the floor. “Are you really that lazy?”

Harry looked up to Louis and chuckled, nodding. “Why yes, yes I am. Once you get to know me you’ll learn that I’m lazy when it comes to everything, even showering.”

Louis’ heart fluttered at the words of ‘once you get to know me.’ Something so simple made his heart race and he bit his bottom lip to keep from smiling. “Does this mean you want to be my friend?” He asked quietly. Shit, that wasn’t supposed to come out but it did. Now he’s going to think I’m desperate oh m-

“Of course I want to be your friend!” Harry brought him out of the rambling in his head, and they gave each other smiles.

“Well, now that I have the understanding that you’re very lazy, how about we turn on some music and get this cleaned up? Happen to have an iPod dock?”

Harry nodded at Louis’ question, “I’ll get it!” He started to walk out of the kitchen but Louis stopped him by standing in the doorway. “Nope, you’re all messy and I don’t want you tracking through the house since you’ve been stepping all in the smoothie,” Louis grinned and Harry rolled his eyes playfully, “okay, mum. It’s upstairs in my room, in an open box in my closet.”

Walking upstairs without another word and a laugh, Louis went into Harry’s bedroom and opened up the closet, seeing the box that he had talked about. He pulled out the iPod dock and grabbed his own iPod touch from his backpack, then made his way back downstairs and to the living room.

After plugging it up and placing his iPod on there, the upbeat music starting.

“You have a strangely weird music taste, Tomlinson.” Harry snickered while grabbing an extra mop from the corner of the kitchen and tossing it to him.

Louis caught the mop in his hand and smirked, “Embrace it, Styles. You can’t resist Icona Pop, it’s just impossible!”

With Louis’ iPod on shuffle and the music up loud, the cleaning went quicker than expected and they danced around, occasionally bumping hips.

Harry sighed deeply as he leaned on the now clean islander, resting his head on the top of it and groaning. “So much hard work, it hurts.” He whined while Louis rest their mops into a bucket of water, “well it’s finished now so you can quit complaining.”

“But still!” Harry stomped his foot and it reminded him so much of how Liam acted whenever he complained. It made the boy sigh and shake his head, he had fun, he needed forget about the fact of Liam moving in 6 days.

“Well,” Louis started while pushing his glasses up on his face securely, “you should go and shower because you’re still a sticky mess. I’ll clean up where you’ve been tracking smoothie around on the floor.”

What. An. Afternoon. Louis sighed to himself with a smile. Not a forced one, not one with no emotion, not one with pain hidden behind it. A real smile. The first time in awhile that he’s been truly happy. And it was all because of him.

~ * ~

Louis gathered his notebooks, flash cards and a few textbooks he had brought to Harry's house, and placed them in his backpack neatly. "I think . . . that is all of the stuff I brought." He zipped it up slowly and pulled the backpack up on his shoulder.

"And here," Harry handed him a plastic bag that had his dirty, smoothie coated clothes in it. He chuckled and shook his head, sliding it onto his wrist. "Thank you." Harry shook his head with a smile, "no. Thank you, you helped me get caught up with my schooling in less than 3 hours."

They nodded off to each other and Harry opened up his bedroom door, "I'll drive you home." He smiled and placed a hand on Louis' back as they trailed down the stairs and out the door. "Driving Louis home, mum! Be back in a bit."

"Wait, wait!" Anne called and came jogging to the front door, watching the two boys turn around on their place on the porch. "Louis, it was a pleasure to meet you. Maybe sometime you can invite your parents over for dinner? I'd love to meet them."

"I think they'd be up to it. Want me to give you our house phone number?" Louis asked and Anne nodded, handing over her phone as he put the number in her contacts as 'Tomlinson House.' "Don't mind if one of four loud girls pick up the phone, just ask for Jay, that's my mum." He chuckled.

Anne gave him a smile and nodded, placing her phone back in her pocket. "Have a nice night!" 

Harry and Louis walked down the porch steps and in the driveway where Harry's sports-car was parked. "I can never get over this car, it's perfect," he smiled as Harry opened up the passenger side door and let Louis get in.

The drive over to Louis' house was staying pretty silent, excluding the sound of Harry flicking his lighter and lighting a cigarette. Louis didn't find it all that pleasing, the smell was distasteful and something he didn't care for but watching Harry drag it slowly from his lips in an almost seductive manner was the sexiest thing ever. He cleared his throat and turned his head towards Harry, "when did you start smoking?"

"About a year ago, I think. I started and just never stopped. I'm not old enough to buy fags so my friends back in my old town provided them for me. I move here, find out my old friend Zayn moved here years ago, and he gave me a pack whenever I told him I smoke since he does also."

Louis almost choked on his breath and he tugged gently at the top of his shirt, "fags?"

"Yeah."

"What? Y-you . . . what?" Louis was utterly and completely confused. "I didn't think they called cigarettes . . . fags. Because, I mean, that word is used in such a different manner with me."

"What do you mean?" Harry cocked an eyebrow upwards as he arrived at a stop light, looking over to Louis who was staring at his lap.

Louis played with his fingers whenever feeling Harry's eyes on him. "People call me a fag because I'm gay. Nothing to do with cigarettes." His voice was quiet and he felt embarrassed to the extreme. Why was he even telling Harry this? The only person who knew was Liam, his best friend of years, and now he was telling someone he's only know for a few days.

Harry took in a deep breath, absolutely shocked by what his new friend had just told him. He sighed deeply whenever someone honked a horn behind him, so he concentrated back on the road while driving off. "That is absurd! God, how can someone be so cruel? I'm gay and I've never gotten called anything like that."

He's gay? Louis' breath hitched in his throat as he stared out of the car window, seeing that Harry was pulling up into his home driveway. "Thank you for the ride," Louis said quickly and got out of the car once it stopped, grabbing his backpack and slamming the passenger door while jogging up to the front door. "Wait!" Harry called after him as Louis fiddled with his house key since the door was locked, not bothering to knock for his family to open the door. 

Once he finally got the key in the key hole, he felt his hand being grabbed from behind, causing him to slowly turn around.

"Louis," Harry whispered once seeing those lovely blue eyes through glasses that were clouded with tears. "Come here." He pulled the boy close and wrapped his arms around him, not matter how much he had tried to put up a fight.

The smaller boy's body started to shake and Harry held him tighter, shutting his eyes with a sigh. "The things they say aren't true, alright? You're a wonderful person and I can say that for a fact, even having only known you for a few days." 

Louis buried his head into Harry's shoulder, taking in his wonderful scent as tears made a wet spot on the shirt. He pulled away and ran his hands over his eyes, "I'm sorry for crying and . . . kind of getting your shirt wet with tears." Will Harry think I'm a wimp for crying in front of him? Oh no. Please don't let that be so.

Harry smiled and ran his thumbs over Louis' cheeks, wiping the stray tears away. "Don't apologize," he whispered and pulled the glasses from Louis' face, cleaning them off with the bottom of his shirt while wearing a grin on his face. "Don't want you to have foggy glasses."

"Thank you."

"For cleaning your glasses? I mean all I'm doing is wiping them with my shirt." 

"For . . . being my friend when no one else would," Louis said quietly while taking his glasses from Harry's hands and placing them back on. 

A big smile formed on Harry's lips, his teeth visible and dimple prominently showing on his cheek. "Text me." He got out a pen from his pocket and wrote his number down on Louis' arm. "Or call me, whichever. I'm here if you need or want to talk." In one swift move, Harry pressed a kiss on Louis' tear streaked cheek before getting into his car and driving off, leaving a dumbstruck Louis standing alone by his front door.


	4. Broken Rules And Sunset Sparks

Liam finished loading the last of his boxes into the back of a moving truck, wiping small droplets of sweat from his forehead with the back of his aching hand. He saw his mum struggling with a last box, so he jogged over and got it from her, getting a smile in return. “Thanks, dear. Have you gotten all of your things into the truck?” Karen asked her son as she tucked sweaty stained strands of her hair behind her ear. Liam gave his mum a nod while placing the box in the truck.

“Everything is loaded on the truck. But, Louis still hasn’t showed . . .” Liam trailed off and Karen sighed, placing a reassuring kiss on her son’s forehead, “he’s your best friend, he’s going to show.”

As if on cue, Louis appeared on the sidewalk, making his way to his best friend while bluntly kicking rocks. Liam was bewildered when seeing a boy, around the same age as himself and Louis, trailing behind him. “Lou, hey,” Liam said softly, taking one look at the boy and knowing he was everything but alright. He was in a hoodie that Liam had lent him months back, but he didn’t put up a fuss when it never got returned. His hair was pointing every which way and it looked like he hadn’t slept well the night before.

“Hi,” Louis mumbled dryly, stuffing his hands in his jean pockets. “Are you leaving now?”

“In just a few minutes. My dad is heading back over here now, he wanted to say goodbye to a few of his workers. Who’s this?” Liam asked, referring to the curly haired boy who had his hand securely on Louis’ back.

Louis’ lips quirked up into a smile that reached his eyes, turning around to Harry then back to Liam. “Oh, yes! This is Harry. He’s my . . . he’s my friend. The one I told you about, remember? Harry, this is Liam, my best friend.”

Liam smirked, putting his hand out to Harry who gladly shook it. “So, this is Louis’ knight and shini-”

“Liam.” Louis cleared his throat, his face instantly flushing with embarrassment.

A chuckle left Harry’s lips as he slid his hand away from Liam’s, “it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

The three conversed amongst each other for a few minutes, which flew by rather quickly to Louis. After Geoff, Liam’s dad, was dropped off by one of his now ex-coworkers, it was time for the family to head off.

“Promise me you’ll keep in touch?” Louis blinked away the tears that were forming in his eyes, trying his damned hardest to keep them from spilling out. Liam cooed at the sight of his best friend who was on the verge of tears, pulling him into a warm and tight embrace. “Of course, Lou. I love you.” He pulled away and briefly wiped Louis’ cheeks, then turned to Harry with a stern look. “Take care of him, alright?”

Harry felt rather intimidated by the look he was receiving from Liam, but nodded nonetheless and wrapped a protective arm around Louis’ slim waist. “Already am, there’s nothing to worry about. I’ll take good care of him. I seem to be doing a pretty good job so far, yeah?”

That was a statement that Liam couldn’t argue with. From the gossip about Harry that Louis had spilled to him, there wasn’t a doubt in his mind about Harry. But unwillingly, his fatherly instincts came out because he was leaving his vulnerable best friend.

With last glances, Liam squeezed Louis’ shoulder before clambering into the front of the moving truck between his parents. He took a look out of the side mirror on his mother’s side to see Harry embracing Louis into a tight hug. And as the truck turned a corner, the two were out of his sight.

~ * ~

“Louis, hurry it up!” Louis’ mum called from downstairs with a deep sigh, crouching down to her twins and smiling at the two. “Now, my little munchkins, I want you to stay well-behaved for Lottie and Fizzy. Louis, your father and I are going over to someone else’s house for dinner.”

Daisy whined and buried her head into her mummy’s shoulder, “why can’t we go?”

“Because they don’t need to be overwhelmed by four bratty girls,” Louis retorted with a smirk while making his way downstairs. His attire being a white button-up shirt accompanied by a black blazer over top of it, black skinnies and a plain white pair of TOMS. That morning, his hair was dishevelled and knotted, but now it had gel slicked into it and styled up into a quiff.

Jay shot Louis a glare and kissed her twin daughters' heads. “There’s money on the table to order pizza, Charlotte! We’ll be back before 8 o’clock.” As Lottie walked into the living room, she looked her brother up and down with a grin, “Fiz!” “Hm?” Fizzy walked out of the kitchen with an apple clutched in her hand and she suddenly gasped, jumping up and down with excitement. “He’s gotten all dressed up for his boyfriend.”

Louis looked down at the floor and nervously jumped from one foot to the other. “Shut up. He's not my boyfriend,” he murmured while sliding his phone from his pocket. “Can we go now?”

After Daisy and Phoebe backed down from the discussion with their parents about why they weren’t going, the three were on their way to Anne’s house. Mark in the drivers seat, Jay in the passenger and Louis stuck in the back. He drowned out his parent’s conversation and decided to text Harry.

‘We’re on our way to your house! Be there in a few. :)’ -Louis

His phone vibrated not even a minute later with a reply.

‘Can’t wait to see you, Lou. (:’ - Harry

He can’t wait to see me? Oh my. Louis couldn’t contain his smile at the thought as his inner god was doing a funny little jig with delight. ‘He misses you, you fool!’ His inner god grinned and Louis put his hand on his mouth, blushing furiously; suddenly glad he was stuck in the backseat so his parents didn’t see his flushed face.

Minutes later, they arrived at the beautiful two-story house and Louis was more than eager for his parents to meet Harry and his mum. ‘Remember the rules.’ His inner god scolded.

Yes, rules. Louis made up his own set of 5 rules for himself to abide by that evening. He didn’t want to screw anything up and make a fool out of himself, even though Harry made it clear one week ago that nothing Louis did would come between their friendship. He wanted to be polite and respectful, for Anne to continue liking him, for Harry to continue their friendship, and for his parents and Anne to get along well. Somehow, though, he knew he’d screw something up. Hence, said rules. It was over the top and Louis himself knew that, but this was dinner with a guy (and their set of parents) whom he had referred to, to Liam as a ‘hottie patottie.’

Rule 1: Do not babble on.

Rule 2: No physical contact whatsoever with Harry. This includes hugs.

Rule 3: Do not, under any circumstances, make things awkward.

Rule 4: Be polite and respecting.

Rule 5: Do not screw this up.

Louis adjusted his blazer nervously as Mark rang the doorbell. They heard the shuffling of feet inside and soon after, the door opened up and there stood a well made-up Harry. He was dressed in a plaid button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, white Alpha Khaki pants and black trainers. He smiled at the two parental figures in front of him and greeted them, introducing himself then letting the couple go inside.

As Harry turned back around, he met the eyes of Louis and a smile formed upon his lips. His eyes travelling up Louis’ body until they met eyes once again, blue to green. “You aren’t wearing your glasses . . .” Harry pointed out, pushing his curls to the side in one move.

“Contacts,” Louis licked his lips slowly, his whole mouth becoming dry just at the sight of Harry.

“Come in, come in.” Harry pushed the door open once again to let Louis enter.

Louis walked inside of the house and the wonderful aroma of food surrounded him. It smelt wonderful, like every other time he has been in that house. He turned around to face Harry, who had his arms open and a cheeky smile plastered on. “I don’t get a hug? You seem more shy than usual. Come here,” Harry engulfed Louis in a hug and Louis instantly hugged him back, taking in his wonderful scent. There were no words that could describe how Harry smelt, he just had his own personal Harry scent, along with a spritz of some cologne that was rather enticing.

‘Rule number 2 broken.’ His inner god sneered, but Louis continued to hug Harry despite his inner god trying to pry him away.

Seconds, no, minutes later the hug was still continuing.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had a hug this long, Louis,” Harry mumbled.

Louis pulled away rather quickly, scratching the back of his head and looking anywhere except at Harry. “Sorry about that. You smell sort of nice. And you’re warm and you’re just really sort of huggable so like . . .” Shit. Louis mentally face-palmed himself at the words that just came out of his mouth.

Harry chuckled and shook his head, “you’re one strange guy, Lou. I’m going to go and see if my mum needs help in the kitchen.” And with that, Louis was left alone by the doorway to ponder in his stupidity and awkwardness. First 3 rules broken in not even 5 minutes.

~ * ~

The dinner went pretty smoothly, Louis wouldn’t say in exact words that he screwed the whole evening up. He had only broken 3 rules and hadn’t spilled any food so nothing too over-the-top embarrassing.

Their parents were out in the backyard having drinks and chatting, so Harry and Louis decided to spend some time in Harry’s room. “Mind me turning on some music?” Harry asked while placing his iPod in the dock.

Louis smiled and shook his head, "not at all," he said while plopping down on the edge of the bed and glancing around the room. Nothing has changed much in Harry’s bedroom over the past few weeks, just a few more posters hung up and the boxes disappeared. He listened to the music start to a play and a smile played on Louis’ lips, “The Fray?”

“Yep. You told me that was your favorite band so I gave them a try, liked them, so I added their music to my play list.”

Louis’ inner god tapped on his shoulder and he shifted in his seat, looking down at his lap. “This is my favorite song.”

“I know.” Harry took a seat beside him and placed a hand gently on his thigh. “That’s one of the reasons why I put it on there.” Louis’ bit his bottom lip to hold back from an awkwardly cheesy smile. “Can you sing it to me?” Harry asked out of the blue, which took Louis back by surprise.

“Sing? Like . . . sing it to. . . you?”

“No, to the pope,” Harry grinned and nodded, giving the other boy’s thigh a squeeze. “Please, for me?”

‘You know you can’t resist when he asks you to do something for him. Sing already!’ His inner god sighed. ‘It’ll make him happy.’

And that’s what Louis’ wanted the most, to make Harry happy. So, he gathered every little ounce of courage he had in himself and started to quietly sing. A few more squeezes to his thigh from Harry, urging him to sing a little bit louder, made Louis’ voice raise just enough to where Harry could hear him clearly.

“There now, steady love. So few come and don’t go. Will you, won’t you, be the one I’ll always know? When I’m losing my control, the city spins around. You’re the only one who knows you slow it down . . .” Louis felt more than comfortable now to sing to Harry, continuing to get reassuring squeezes on his leg which sent him to the moon and back. The sun started to set off in the distance, causing a bright orange light to shine into the room through the blinds on the window.

“Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Be my baby . . .” Louis started again until Harry chimed in.

“And I’ll look after you,” Harry sang quietly, making Louis’ heart flutter and his whole body started to feel like jelly.

Harry placed his thumb on the bottom of Louis’ chin, his index finger on the side of his cheek. “I’ll look after you,” Harry breathed out before pressing his lips to Louis’, their lips molding together perfectly like the fit of two puzzle pieces.

It caught Louis off guard, that was for sure, but it was nothing less than amazing.

Whenever the two pulled from the kiss, Louis felt butterlies overwhelming his stomach. It was now dark outside and dark in the room. Their lips were still lingering very close to each other and Louis felt Harry’s bottom lip touching his.

“Harry,” Louis spoke in a soft tone.

“Shh.”

“Har-”

“Shush, Louis.”

Louis pursed his lips tightly together, feeling Harry shift from the bed and soon the weight wasn’t next to him anymore. He adjusted his eyes to the almost pitch black room and made out Harry’s beautiful figure making it’s way to the iPod dock. “What are you doing?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow.

No words came from Harry.

It was silent in the room for a few more seconds until the same song started to play again and Harry took his respected seat next to Louis again. He didn’t turn any lights on so it was still dark in the room. “Sing to me.”

The feathery haired boy stared down at his lap, suddenly feeling ultimately self-conscious. “Why?”

“You have a beautiful voice, Louis.”

“No, not that -- but thank you. I mean, why did you kiss me?”

“Why do you think I did?”

“I-I don’t know, Harry. I honestly don’t know.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re lovely, or maybe it’s because your lips just looked so kissable tonight. It might even be for the fact that I want to have a little fun with you.”

‘He doesn’t want a relationship, Louis. Don't try and persuade him.’ His inner god sighed in disappointment, packing a brown leather suitcase and heading off on his own way.

Louis’ dainty hands were now rested in Harry’s large hands, the only sounds in the room were their breathing and music playing quietly in the background. “What do you mean by fun?” Louis’ managed to say after the silence deemed on him as forever.

“Someone to fool around with, a fling, per se. Friends with benefits is the lack of a better term.”

And suddenly, Louis’ world felt like his world was crashing down around him. Because it was now clear that Harry didn’t do relationships, and that Harry didn’t kiss him because he liked him. Harry wanted someone to have fun with, the whole friends with benefits thing. And the words that next came out of Louis’ mouth even surprised himself; his inner god just as astonished, jaw hanging low.

“Lets have some fun, then.”


	5. Midnight Ain't No Time For Laughing

“Liam, come on. Pick up your damn phone,” Louis grumbled as he paced back and forth in his bedroom, listening to the voicemail come up for the 5th time. “Please call me back, Li. I . . . I don’t know what to do and I need you.” He sighed, shaking his head before ending the call and slumping on his desk chair. His eyes were concentrated on staring out of the window, and whenever his phone dinged with a text he nearly jumped out of his skin.

Louis quickly unlocked his phone, only to find that the text was from Harry. Of course, he loved receiving texts from Harry but now the circumstances were totally different. ‘What did you get yourself into?’ His inner god tapped his foot, clearly disappointed.

‘How do you feel about sneaking out with me tonight?’ -Harry

He had never snuck out before, sure he’s skipped school a couple of times when he was years younger but this is sneaking out of his house at night . . . with Harry. What if Harry wanted to kiss him again? Or . . . more? Louis wasn’t sure if he could handle it. What have I gotten myself into? He set his phone down and rest his head in his hands.

‘I’m not sure, Harry.’ -Louis

‘C’mon, Lou. Lighten up and have a little fun . . . with me. ;)’ -Harry

Louis’ chest tightened and his breath shortened. Fun. He wasn’t positive what Harry meant by ‘fun’ but it probably involved inappropriate things. Was Louis really ready for that?

A half of a minute passed and Louis’ phone once again dinged with a text.

‘Just remember, I’m not pressuring you into anything. Whatever you’re comfortable with. x’ -Harry

Maybe this fling could be a positive experience, Louis groaned and started to type a message, but it was cut short whenever his phone started to ring with a call from . . . Liam?!

It took Louis no time at all to answer the call, “Liam? My God, finally. I’ve been ringing you for the past hour.”

“Sorry, Louis. Unlike you, some people are trying to sleep at 9 PM. What do you need? Are you alright?”

“I don’t know, Liam.” Louis sighed, sinking down in the front of his be on his knees. “It’s about Harry.”

“What did he do? I’ll kill him.”

Louis laughed quietly and shook his head, rolling his eyes even though Liam couldn't see him. “You’re about as frightening as a puppy, Li. It’s just . . . he kissed me and-” He couldn’t even finish his sentence before Liam cut him off with a gasp, “finally!” Louis groaned, “It was wonderful and all but something happened after that. He doesn’t like me, Liam. Not like I like him. He wants to have, oh how do I say this, fun.”

The other line was quiet for awhile, and Louis thought that maybe Liam had hung up, until a small cough was heard. “Fun? That’s . . . wow. Did you agree to it?”

He bit down hard on his lip, sitting fully down on the floor and leaning back against his bed. “Maybe.”

“Why?”

“Because I like him, alright? This is probably the closest I’ll get to having a relationship with him.”

“Just stay safe and don’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with. He’s just a guy, you don’t have to give him everything. Call or text me if you need anything else.”

“I love you, Liam.”

“Love you too, Lou.”

And with that, the call ended on both lines and Louis went back to finishing his text to Harry.

‘Where shall we meet?’ -Louis

‘Hmm, how about the football field? I’ll meet you there in 15.’ -Harry

~ * ~

Harry stood in the middle of the football stadium, hands stuffed in his jean pockets as he watched Louis’ figure come closer. Louis was nervous for simple reasons, he had never snuck out before and it was spending time with Harry. Harry. The boy who kissed him and made his whole insides feel like a zoo.

“Glad you could make it,” Harry’s voice was deep and raspy and suddenly Louis felt weak in the knees. “Y-yeah. The more time to spend with you, the better.”

The curly haired bloke took a seat on the soft grass, and Louis did the same but right beside him. “No, come here.” Harry spoke and Louis’ furrowed his eyebrows downwards. “Huh?”

Harry let out a sigh and pulled Louis’ over to him, so he was sat between his legs. “There we go.”

If it wasn’t so dark outside, then Harry would be able to see Louis’ bright red cheeks and that was something Louis didn’t want to happen. So, he tilted his head back and gave Harry a smile, before turning his attention up to the sky. “Isn’t it beautiful? It’s strange to think that there are over a billion stars up in the sky and most of them are already burnt out. But it’s so lovely.”

There was silence between the two, until Harry asked if he wanted to listen to music. “Music? Sure.” Louis answered and not even a few seconds later felt an ear bud being placed in his left ear.

Louis’ shut his eyes and leaned back on Harry, who had his arms wrapped loosely around Louis’ waist. “What is this song?” Harry’s grip tightened slightly as he brushed his lips along Louis’ ear. “Somewhere Only We Know by Keane. Do you like it?”

“It’s wonderful.”

The silence between the two was absolutely fine with Louis, because all he really wanted to do was be with Harry like this. And when his arms were around him, Louis felt complete. ‘Too bad you’re just a boy toy to him’ His inner god wagged his little finger but Louis ignored it. His subconscious knew he shouldn’t keep back his feelings because they’d eat him alive, but Louis knew he would have to if he wanted to continue this with Harry.

Suddenly, Louis felt a pair of lips on the back of his neck and he couldn’t help but smile. “What are you doing?” He asked quietly, but receiving no response as Harry’s lips trailed from behind his neck, to the side of his neck where he instantly found Louis’ weak spot. “Mm.” Louis let out a throaty moan and tilted his head more the right, allowing Harry more access. “I’ve never had someone kiss my neck and surprisingly . . . I like it.”

Harry started to suck on Louis’ weak spot, and minutes later he broke the skin and left a bruise. “Mine,” Harry ran his tongue across the bruise lightly which caused Louis to shudder.

“Yours,” Louis took both of Harry’s hands from his waist, looking at them and smiling. “Your hand is bigger than mine, wow.” He compared their hands by pressing their palms together, looking at the difference before spreading his fingers slowly. “But I like them.”

A kiss was pressed to Louis’ neck by Harry while he filled the spaces between Louis’ fingers with his own. “Your hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me . . .”

Those words made Louis’ heart flutter, and now all he wanted was to be Harry’s boyfriend. Not friends with benefits, not being his ‘boy toy’ because all Louis now wants is Harry to himself. “Is this whole friends with benefits thing, like, exclusive?”

“If you want it to be. I want to be like this for as long as possible with you. You, Louis, are way too precious to be manhandled by other guys.”

“Is this going to affect our friendship?”

“Don’t think about it too much, Louis. Or else it will.”

~ * ~

The few hours they spent on the football field consisted of Louis naming different stars in the sky, stealing kisses, snogging sessions and occasional talking. Harry decided to walk Louis home around midnight, and after they arrived Louis went to open the front door but Harry continued to hold his hand.

“You know, I can’t necessarily go inside if you’re keeping a death grip on my hand,” Louis laughed and turned back around to face him.

Harry backed Louis’ up against the front door and then pressed their lips together. “I don’t want to leave your lips behind. They’re so addictive.” Harry mumbled against Louis’ lips which caused him to smile .

“Well, you do know that my lips are permanently attached to my face, right?” Louis smirked and Harry gave a playful punch to his arm. “I forgot to ask, do you have any plans for this weekend?”

“Not that I know of, why?"

“There’s some party tomorrow that I was invited to, and I want to bring you along.”

“Party?”

“Mhm.”

Louis’ thought about it, because maybe this party wouldn’t turn out to be too bad. And he’d be there with Harry so he wouldn’t have to worry about being the awkward outcast who stands by and sips on a drink alone. “I’m in.” He smiled and Harry returned it right back, giving one last kiss to Louis’ lips before making his way down the driveway and soon he was out of Louis’ sight.

Lordy, Louis sighed and quietly walked into the house, shutting the door then locking it, trying to be as discreet and silent as possible. He was feeling fine, he thought he had gotten away with it, that he was alone. But boy was he wrong.

As soon as Louis’ turned around, a light in the living room flicked on and there stood Jay, looking as angry as ever with Mark accompanying her.

“Louis William Tomlinson, where have you been?”

Crap.


	6. All Shook Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning--contains smutty smut.

Louis ended up sitting on the couch in the living room, his head in his hands as his parents yelled at him. From saying how horrible it was to sneak out, to how Harry was becoming a bad influence for him. But that was one thing that had set him off the most, and caused him to scream at his parents that there wasn’t a way to stop him from seeing Harry, even though his inner god was protesting for him not to do so.

“Don’t you talk to your parents like that, boy.” Mark spat and gave Louis’ a cold, hard glare. “Come with me,” he grabbed Louis’ wrist and dragged him up the stairs and into Louis' bedroom.

The boy didn’t put up an argument because he didn’t want to risk getting in anymore trouble than he was already in. He was already very scared of an angry Mark.

“Give me your phone, radio, iPod and your laptop.”

Once again, no response or anger outbursts from Louis, he obliged and handed over his things to Mark. Whenever Mark left the room, he came back a minute later and unhooked the TV before leaving and shutting the door behind him.

~ * ~

The next night, after Louis knew his parents were asleep, he snuck out once again. He was already grounded from everything, what more could he lose?

It was an hour before the party was set to start, and Louis took a few small pebbles and tossed them to Harry’s window. Louis hoped that Harry would hear, and thankfully he did, and opened up his bedroom window. “Lou? I’ll be down in a minute.”

And Harry kept his word, because a minute later Harry opened up the front door and walked outside. “The party starts in an hour and I was supposed to pick you up. Why haven’t you been answering my calls or texts?” Harry grabbed his hand, leading him inside and pressing a finger to Louis’ lips as they made their way to Harry’s room. Harry’s mum had fallen asleep on the couch, hence the reason Harry needed him to be quiet. As soon as they got inside of the room, Harry shut the door and sat on his bed.

Louis hesitantly sat besides him, looking down at his own lap. “My parents caught me sneaking back in yesterday. That’s why I haven’t been replying to you. I’ve gotten everything taken away from me for God knows how long.”

“I’m so sorry, Louis.”

“They just overreacted, you know? All I did was sneak out!”

“Calm down, Lou.”

“It’s so stupid, they’re so stupid. I just-”

“Lou!” Harry sighed and pressed a sweet kiss on Louis’ lips, pulling away slowly. “I know what it's like, trust me on that one. But I missed talking to you, even though it had only been a day.”

They didn’t do much talking for the rest of the time they had before they left to the party. They had a heated snogging session, and a little bit of groping on the side before leaving off in Harry’s Audi to the house party.

Whenever Harry parked his car in the driveway of the house, Louis was utterly amazed when he stepped out of the car. The house was in a completely different part of the neighborhood, the richer side of town. It was 2 stories and very wide, and almost all of the lights in the house were on. Music could be clearly heard from inside of the house, and whenever Harry and Louis walked inside, it got much louder.

Harry wrapped his arm securely around Louis’ waist and led him through the crowd of hormonal dancing bodies, until they were in the kitchen. Not too many people were in there, a couple was leaned against the counter having a heavy snog session, but other people quickly got drinks and left back to where the life of the party was.

“What would you like to drink?” Harry asked, quite loudly, and Louis just shrugged his shoulders. “What would you recommend?”

Instead of replying, Harry just gave Louis a smirk and poured coke into a cup, then added what looked like white rum to it. “Drink,” Harry mouthed and Louis did so, and he was honestly surprised whenever he drank the whole thing. He never saw himself drinking alcohol at age 17, but for Harry, anything.

After several drinks and dances later, a tipsy Louis was led outside of the house by a chuckling Harry. “That is the first and last time I will ever allow you to down 5 shots of vodka after drinking rum and coke."

“I feel fine, Harry! Just a little tingly, but that’s it. Please lets go back inside. Please don’t take me home. I really do not want to go home because it’s only like 10 at night and I want to spend more time with you and-” Harry shook his head, shutting the slurring boy up with a kiss that lasted for just a few seconds but left Louis groaning. “Shush, love. I’m bringing us somewhere, okay? Do you trust me?”

“I trust you.” Louis said firmly and slid himself into the passenger side of the Audi, watching Harry intently as he himself got in then putting the key in the ignition. “So, where are we going?”

Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road in front of him as he drove. “Not telling you, Louis.”

Louis’ bit down on his bottom lip and let his fingers slide up Harry’s jean clad thigh. “Please, Harry. Why won’t you tell me?”

No matter how hard it was to resist, Harry kept his eyes on the road, occasionally having to swat away Louis’ hand that kept inching towards his danger area. “You’ve been whining this whole time, and you don’t even notice whenever I stop the car.” He smirked, watching as Louis’ eyes lit up as he stumbled out of the car.

“Wow,” Louis breathed out, looking out at the beautiful sight before him. They were parked on a hill that overlooked the whole city, the lights bright and Louis was in awe. “This is gorgeous.”

Harry had now climbed out of the car, walking up slowly behind Louis and pulling him in close. “I thought you might like it. It’s secluded, also. So we have it all to ourselves.”

Louis had a bright smile plastered on his lips as he turned around in Harry’s arms, “all alone?”

“All alone,” Harry repeated, using two fingers to slowly push some hair off of Louis’ forehead. “And we can come here anytime you’d like.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Alright, alright.” Harry smiled and stuck his pinky out, linking it with Louis’ own. “I pinky promise.” He then gripped on Louis’ waist and lifted him up which made Louis start a giggling fit. “Put me down!”

Harry hushed Louis as he set him on the top the hood of the Audi, then climbed on right beside him. They lay back in silence for a decent amount of time, and every once in awhile Louis would squirm around, complaining that he was uncomfortable--but then Harry would kiss him and Louis kept almost fully quiet after that. “Harry,” Louis whispered, staring up at the stars in the night sky, sighing whenever Harry hummed for him to continue. “Am I just a toy to you? Because I don’t want to be if that’s the case. I don’t want to be someone who you’ll have fun with, then get bored of after a while, and throw me away."

That caught Harry off guard, but all he did was smile and slide himself off of the car. Louis sat up and stared at Harry like a hawk, watching him lean into the car and whenever he emerged from it, he was holding a blanket.

“Why aren’t you answering me?” Louis’ voice cracked as he got off of the car, wrapping his arms securely around himself for some sort of comfort. But it wasn’t working, and tears started to spill from his eyes as he watched Harry turn away from him and lay the blanket on the ground. “I-I’m sorry, Harry. Harry? Please don’t hate me. I’ll be your . . . I’ll be your toy. Just please don’t end this, please.”

Harry quickly walked over and wrapped his arms around Louis’ waist, kissing away each one of the salty tears on the boy’s cheeks. “Shh, Louis, calm down. Don’t get worked up. You haven’t anything to worry about. You are everything but a toy to me, Lou.” And with that, he grabbed both of Louis’ hands and led him to the blanket that was spread out on the grass.

“S-so you aren’t going to get bored of me then throw me in the trash?”

“Never would I think of doing such a thing,” Harry smiled and sat down on the blanket, pulling Louis down with him.

One kiss turned into 5, and 5 led to Harry hovering over Louis, kissing on his neck. Louis let out a few inaudible words, tugging gently on the soft curly hair he had been aching to run his fingers through since his 3rd cup of rum and coke and 1st shot of vodka. Harry let out a hum of approval on his neck, biting softly on it before pulling his head back up, green orbs meeting blue.

“Seems like someone has a little problem arising down south,” Harry smirked while trailing his fingers down to Louis’ now tight jeans and Louis was more than eager to nod for Harry to slip his hand inside. “Would you like to me to take care of it for you?” Harry whispered in his ear, almost seductively, which caused goosebumps to arise on Louis’ skin and the hairs on his arms to stick up. “Pretty please.”

Harry slid his hand out of Louis’ jeans, causing the boy underneath him to whimper at the loss of contact. “I’m just taking off your jeans off,” and Louis didn’t argue with that.

As soon as Louis’ jeans were off and thrown to the side, the bulge in his briefs took Harry by surprise. “Okay, so, maybe it’s not such a little problem.” He said with humor and desire dancing in his now wide eyes. He kept one hand on the ground by the left side of Louis’ head which was holding himself up, and he leaned down, connecting lips with Louis all while sliding his right hand into the briefs.

Louis let out a muffled moan as he felt Harry’s long fingers wrap around his length that seemed to be hardening by the second. His breath seemed to get hitched in his throat while Harry started to slowly pump him. “You’re so slow.” Louis breathed out after pulling away from the kiss, shutting his eyes and letting out a whine.

“Just tell me to go faster and I will.”

“Faster, please.”

And Harry obeyed, pumping quicker on Louis’ now fully hardened length, moans escaping Louis’ lips every few seconds. It wasn't taking long for Louis to feel like he was going to reach his peak. “H-Harry, oh God. I’m going to . . .”

“Come for me, baby.” Harry locked eyes with Louis, watching as he started to writhe underneath him.

Louis’ breathing started to become uneven with every pump of the hand from Harry, and he finally arched his back and released, then relaxing his body downwards onto the blanket Harry smiled proudly, slipping Louis’ briefs off all while getting protests from him. “Don’t worry, I’m just taking them off then putting your jeans back on. Your briefs are sort of . . . a sticky mess now,” he winked which made Louis blush.

“J-just don’t look at it, please?"

Harry nodded at the plea, shutting his eyes tight while sliding the jeans back up on Louis’ bottom half. “So beautiful,” he whispered, lying down beside Louis and wrapping his arms securely around him. And that’s where the two lay for the rest of the night, the only sounds to clearly be heard was their quiet breathing and soon, Louis’ soft snores.


	7. Hanging By A Moment

“Louis, wake up.”

Louis groaned, shifting in his place and resting his head back down. “5 more minutes, mum,” he grumbled tiredly.

“I am nowhere near close to being your mum, Lou.” Harry chuckled, getting out of the drivers side of his Audi and walking around to the other side, opening up the car door. “Bear with me now, come on.” He unbuckled Louis’ seat belt, slipping his arms under him and picking him up bridal style. Louis moved a little before resting his head in Harry’s neck, kissing it softly. “I like being carried.”

Harry smirked, shaking his head as he pulled the house key from Louis’ back pocket and quietly unlocked the front door. “Now you have to be quiet, I’m taking you up to your room,” Harry whispered and Louis obliged, not making a sound the way up the stairs. 

After laying Louis down on the bed, Harry started to walk out of the room but stopped in his tracks whenever he heard a whine come from the bed. Slowly, he turned around to see Louis opening up his eyes and reaching his hands out to Harry. “Don’t leave,” Louis mumbled, blinking his eyes a few times to adjust to the darkness in his room.

So, instead of leaving, Harry toed off his shoes and climbed into bed with Louis who instantly cuddled up to him. 

~ * ~

It was 5 AM and Louis and Harry were outside, leaning against the Audi, holding one another. The sun was starting to peak up in the distance, darkness no longer seen but instead it was replaced by different colored oranges and pinks in the sky. A light breeze blew as Louis buried his head in Harry’s chest, shivering slightly. 

“I should go now,” Harry mumbled against Louis’ head, shuffling his feet which made Louis look up at him with tired blue eyes.

“I’ll see you in school?” Louis asked, hope filling his voice and all Harry did was smile and press a kiss to his forehead. “Of course, Lou.”

But neither of the two moved from their spot, Louis kept his arms wrapped around Harry’s torso, and Harry continued to hold Louis tightly against his body. 

Louis felt tired, he felt worn out, and his headache hadn’t changed at all since he took 4 ibuprofen 20 minutes ago--but he honestly didn’t want to let go of Harry. Despite being hungover, he felt wonderful and comfortable in Harry’s arms.

“My mind tells me to leave but my heart is begging me to stay.” 

And Louis couldn’t resist leaning up and kissing Harry’s lips after that was said. Did Harry maybe feel the same way? ‘Maybe he just doesn’t want to show it’ his subconscious chimed in which made a smile play on Louis’ lips as he pulled away from the kiss with Harry. “Why don’t we go out for breakfast?” Louis asked, playing with the hem of Harry’s band shirt.

“What if your parents find out you’re gone?”

“Then so be it. I’m grounded from everything for two weeks, they’ll just extend the grounding. It’s shitty if so happens, because it means less time to spend with you. But it’s 5 in the morning on a Saturday, everyone including my parents sleep in. Please?”

Harry looked down at the boy and smiled, nodding his head. “Does IHop sound good?”

It took only about 10 minutes to get to IHop by driving, and 5 minutes for them to decide on what they wanted to eat.

The two had asked for a booth to which the waitress happily got for them, but they sat on the same side. Louis was leaning against the window with his feet propped up on Harry’s lap, sipping slowly on his Diet Pepsi from a straw. He had so many thoughts running through his mind that he was pondering on about, but was snapped from his trance when hearing Harry speak. “Something on your mind?”

“Just a few things.”

“Care to tell me about those few things?”

No, because they’re about you, idiot--Louis thought. 

Louis shook his head, turning his head to look out the window and watch as the sky started to transition into a light blue color. “I like the sunrise and sunset. It’s beautiful because it’s not limited to just one color. Usually two or three; pink, yellow and orange and I find that lovely.” He breathed out with a grin, "and people find so much beauty in it, it's unique like a painting." Whenever Louis turned his head back to face Harry, those beautiful green orbs were already staring back at him. 

Little did Louis know, was that Harry found it awfully fascinating on how Louis took enjoyment in the simplest things in life. Harry found interest in how Louis described the things he liked and he couldn’t resist the urge to lean over and plant a kiss on Louis’ lips.

The waitress came back over, bending over dramatically to set their plates on the table, giving Harry a clear view of her cleavage. But Harry just glanced over to see who it was, gave the lady a polite smile before turning his head back to look at Louis who was once again staring out of the window. 

“Can I get you anything else, darling?” The waitress asked Harry with a flirtatious smile. Louis snapped his head up and stared at the woman who was obviously flirting with his Harry. My Harry, who am I kidding? Louis thought with a sigh.

Harry slowly turned his head to look at the waitress, trying to ignore her actions. “Yes, actually. Betty, is it?” He looked at her name tag then over to Louis who looked rather uncomfortable, so Harry grabbed his hand and held it on top of the table. “Well Betty, Louis over here ordered 2 eggs over easy and these are scrambled. Could you perhaps fix that?”

“A-and can I have some light syrup, please?” Louis asked quietly.

“Of course,” Betty glared at Louis while grabbing his plate, storming off into the back.

It was silent at the table for a few more minutes until Betty came back over, setting down Louis’ plate and light syrup container with force which made him flinch. “Thank you,” Harry said through gritted teeth and lifted up Louis’ hand, kissing his knuckles gently. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Lets eat, yeah?"

Harry sighed but gave a smile and snaked his arm around Louis' waist, pulling him close. "Sounds good to me."


	8. Confessing To You

Louis leaned into his locker, eyes scanning thoroughly through the book Willow. His eyes widened slightly as he let his teeth slide over his bottom lip.

“Boo.”

“Crap!” Louis jumped, putting the book to his chest as he turned around to face the curly haired boy who had a smug grin playing on his lips. “Wha . . . Harry? My God, Harry!”

“I scared ya,” Harry smirked, shutting Louis’ locker before draping an arm around his shoulder. Louis rolled his eyes, bookmarking his book before perching it under his arm. “Whatever.”

All Harry did was give him a smile as they walked out of the school together. “Oh and I forgot to tell you, I got ungrounded this morning. So maybe we can hang out at your house later?” “Finally I can spend time with you after two bloody weeks, it sounds like a plan. Do you need a ride home?” Harry asked, gazing his eyes down at the feathery haired boy who had a smile plastered on his lips.

“No, I just really want to walk home today. The weather is just lovely.”

Harry nodded, pressing a short-lived kiss to his lips before walking to the parking lot. “Call me later!” Louis nodded before he wandered down the sidewalk, getting out his book and starting to read as he walked.

The window blew in a pleasant breeze, trees rustling from the sudden gush of air which made Louis smile. It was days like these where he enjoyed walking home in silence, nothing to bother him. But the wonderful day wasn’t going to continue because Louis’ thoughts were interrupted by a voice that made his skin crawl.

“Look who’s all alone.”

Mikey.

A breath caught in Louis’ throat and he didn’t dare to look behind him, just continuing to quickly walk forward. He hadn’t dealt with Mikey in weeks and he wasn’t planning on doing so today.

Footsteps padded harshly behind Louis, so the frightened boy clutched his book in his hand and just started to run however far his legs would take him.

“You’re going to get it now, Tomlinson!”

Louis knew if he ran then he’d get it worse, he learned that in the beginning whenever Mikey started the beatings--but he also knew that he could run to Harry’s house. Simple, right?

No. It was far from that. Soon Louis found himself out of breath after a few minutes and collapsed down onto his knees. Legs weary and tired. Man, I really need to start exercising. Louis stared down at the grass, pushing his shaking hands onto it and starting to get up. But his shirt was grabbed and he was lifted off of the ground by someone, before getting pressed up to a tree.

“You know I hate whenever you run from me, Louis . . .” Mikey said with a sickly sweet smile, tutting and shaking his head slowly. “I haven’t gotten a good punch in lately, with Styles protecting you and all. But I don’t see him around, do you?”

And Louis didn’t. Because how could Harry know that Mikey was going to chase after him?

“You like him, don’t you?”

“N-no.” Louis lied right through his teeth.

“Come on, Tomlinson. Man up. Don’t . . .” Mikey grabbed Louis’ chin in a violent manner, forcing the blue-eyed boy to stare into dark chocolate eyes. “ . . . stutter.” He spat, gripping the stubbly chin of Louis more tightly which made him hold back a throaty whimper. “It’s because he’s not a faggot like you.”

Mikey raised his arm and curled his fingers into a tight fist, about to swing towards Louis but a voice interrupted them. “Get away from him!” Harry.

“Yeah? What are you going to do about it?” Mikey backed from Louis, making his way towards Harry who was walking over as calm as ever.

All Harry did was chuckle, shaking his head and in few seconds, Mikey was lying on the ground passed out cold.

“One punch and you knocked him out? Wow.” Louis breathed, resting his head back against the tree. “You have fists of steel, Harry.”

“One of my amazing qualities. Are you alright, did he hurt you?” Harry asked, voice laced with concern as he cupped Louis’ chin, causing him to wince away. “He had a death grip there and that’s about it.” Louis spoke quietly, twiddling his thumbs.

Harry sighed while lacing his fingers with Louis’, but Louis tensed at the gesture. “Is this alright? I mean . . . I just thought--”

A smile formed on Louis’ lips as he shook his head, looking down to their entwined fingers. “I don’t mind it, Harry.”

And with that, they walked off down the sidewalk, leaving Mikey’s unconscious body on the grass.

~ * ~

“Louis?”

Louis let out a hum in response, staring up at the ceiling that was dimly lit by a small lamp in the corner of Harry’s bedroom. The two were laying side by side on the bed, not talking, just enjoying each other’s presence. It was a week after the encounter Louis had with Mikey, and Mikey hadn’t bothered him since because of what Harry had done.

“Do you like me?”

“Of course I like you, Harry. We wouldn’t be friends if I didn’t.”

A sigh came from Harry and Louis felt the bed shift besides him, so his eyes travelled over to where he saw Harry looking back at him intently. “Not that kind of like.”

Harry stretched his arm over, placing his hand gently on Louis’ cheek and stroking it delicately with his thumb. Louis’ heart felt like it was beating over 100 miles per hour, his breath shortening also. “You mean . . .” Louis was lost for words, not having a clue what to even finish off his sentence with. “More than friends,” Harry finished for Louis with a small smile. “Honestly, do you feel anything more for me?”

“Will the truth affect what we have?”

“Never.”

Louis knew that he had to make a choice on whether or not to tell Harry he did have feelings for him--strong ones at that. Harry said it wouldn’t affect what they have together, but Louis’ still felt uneasy about admitting his feelings. It wasn’t something he was good at and he didn't want to ruin his and Harry's friendship.

Feeling Louis tense under his touch, Harry scooted closer so their knees were touching. “You can tell me, Lou.”

An estranged breath fell out of Louis’ mouth, shutting his eyes and slowly shaking his head. “It’ll affect our friendship and everything . . . I don’t want to lose you Harry. I just couldn’t.”

“Well, what if I told you that I felt something more for you?”

Shifting slightly, Louis looked down at Harry’s hands and grabbed one of them, lacing their fingers together. “Harry . . .”

“And,” Harry placed his finger over Louis’ lips as if making him not speak, “What if I also told you that I wanted something much, much more? Would you then admit it to me?”

Louis shut his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. “I can’t, Harry. It’ll ruin us, everything we have right now. It may not seem like so now but sooner or later it will. Then things would be completely awkward and you’d slip right through my fingers. I can’t have that, Harry.” Tears had spilled from Louis’ hooded eyes as he pulled his hand away from Harry’s. “I refuse to lose you in the long run just because of my feelings towards you. I-I don’t have anyone else!”

By now, Louis was a shaking and sobbing mess, trying to compose himself as he sat up on the edge of the bed. “I don’t have anyone else.”

Harry watched Louis curiously before sitting up, scooting himself behind Louis and pulling the crying boy into his arms from behind. “Shh, Lou, it’s okay. I understand, it’s alright.” Harry cooed into Louis’ ear before nuzzling his head in the crook of Louis’ neck.

Then, Harry sharply inhaled a breath before letting it out slowly, gathering up any sort of courage in him for what he was about to admit. “I wouldn’t let any of that happen. You mean way too much to me for that. Why else do you think that I asked you to be my friend with benefits? I hadn't a clue what you felt for me, Louis. And I was too much of a chicken to tell you that whenever I look at you; my heart flutters and I get tingly, I have to over think everything I’m going to say to you because I don’t want to mess up what we have. You’re beautifully fragile and I need you in my life, damnit. You mean so much to me it's not even funny.”

Louis absorbed Harry’s words like a sponge, trying to take all of it in at one time. For over a month, Louis had been hoping that maybe Harry at least had a crush on him, but this--this made Louis’ pulse race. Harry had just confessed his feelings and it was majorly close to how Louis felt.

But he couldn’t do this. It was all too much of a risk to take. Louis couldn’t risk taking a chance of losing Harry.

“I-I can’t, Harry. I’m sorry.” Louis removed Harry’s arms from around him and shakily stood up, pulling on his jacket rather clumsily. He backed up to the bedroom door that was shut closed, looking into those emerald green eyes from afar that were brimmed with tears. “I’m sorry,” Louis mouthed before opening the door and running out into the hallway. He made his way down the stairs and out of the front door, going off of the porch and onto the cement pavement in the pouring rain.

And just then it dawned on Louis, as he stood on the sidewalk while rain fell harshly from the sky above, that maybe he had screwed everything up by running away from his childish fears and insecurities. Running away from his problems like he had always done. Running away from feelings he just couldn’t get himself confess. Running away from the boy who had his heart clutched tightly in his hands.

Had he lost Harry without even giving him a chance?


	9. I Will Be

Louis let out a sigh as he turned around to face Harry’s house, seeing the front door wide open still and no Harry.

To leave or not to leave.

He put his hands on his hair, running them slowly down his face with a sigh. “My God, I’m such a complicated little shit,” Louis mumbled while sinking to his knees, staring down at the wet pavement. His eyes travelled up to the front door that was still wide open and Harry wasn’t there. It made Louis feel a pang of hurt in his chest, was he not going to come after him?

‘What did you expect, idiot?’ His subconscious spoke and Louis’ shudder, shutting his eyes. “I am an idiot.” He sighed before rising from the ground and walking back up the driveway and to the porch where he quietly and slowly shut the front door.

Hesitantly, Louis took his hand off of the door knob just as a car was pulling up into the driveway and into the garage. He squinted his eyes and saw that it was Anne’s car, and as she got out and ran onto the porch, she flashed Louis a smile. “Are you coming inside?”

“N-no, I was just leaving.”

“Need a ride home?”

“I’m fine.” And with that, Louis took off running down the sidewalk and going the way to his house.

Upon arriving, Louis was met with his hysterical mother who was frantically asking questions. They ranged from ‘are you okay?’ and ‘did you walk home in the rain?’ But he didn’t care, he needed to get up to his room before he had a meltdown in the front of his mum.

Louis ran up the stairs, stumbling a bit from his slippery shoes but he quickly regained balance and went into his room, slamming the door shut behind him. He leaned against it as he shivered but thought nothing of it while he tugged roughly on his hair. His sobs echoed throughout his bedroom walls, not caring if the whole world could hear him.

He himself had fucked things up big time, at least that is what Louis concluded.

But on the other side of town, Harry sat on his bed, desperately trying to think of someway to show Louis how much he cared for him. How much he wanted him

Harry grabbed his MacBook Pro and shuffled back to his bed, curling up on it before typing in a few things, a smile lighting up his face as he did so.

Maybe he had found just the way.

~ * ~

Louis lay on the couch in his living room the next evening, throwing his phone mindlessly in the air and then catching it once it came back down. As he threw it up once again, it vibrated and Louis was startled whenever he caught it.

A text.

‘I’m coming to pick you up in an hour, be dressed by then, casual. No ifs, ands or buts about it. And do you like pasta?’ -Harry

His eyebrows furrowed downwards, where was Harry planning on taking him? And why did Harry want to know if he liked pasta? But, Louis didn’t put a fuss, he was just honestly glad that Harry didn’t hate him after the night before, and still wanted to see him. Would things be awkward between the two, though?

‘Alright. And I do happen to like pasta, why?’ -Louis

The phone buzzed not even a minute later with a reply.

‘Wondering. Remember, an hour on the dot!’ -Harry

Louis knew he was smiling at the phone but he didn't realize just how much, until his mother walked up to him and questioned why he was smiling so widely. “Uh, Harry. He wants to pick me up in an hour, I’m surprised after I ran out on him last night. Is it alright if I go?”

“Not at all. Just remember your curfew and bring your phone. I think you’re in pretty good hands when you’re with Harry.” Jay gave her still smiling son a kiss on the head before making her way to the kitchen.

It took about 10 minutes for a shower, washing his hair and then his body. He then wrapped a towel around his waist and looked in the mirror, trying to decide on whether or not to shave. After minutes of pondering on it, Louis decided to keep the slight stubble.

~ * ~

“I’ll get the door!” Louis called out to no one in particular before walking to the front door and opening it up, seeing Harry standing there shuffling his feet nervously. “My my, don’t you clean up well?” Louis raised an eyebrow, a grin forming on his lips.

He took a few seconds to let his blue eyes scan up and down Harry’s body, from his head to his feet.

Harry was dressed in black skinnies and a light pink button-up shirt with a white blazer over top, along with a pair of neon green trainers. That, Louis couldn’t resist snickering at.

“Are you ready to go?” Harry asked, voice deep and raspy and Louis was pleased just to hear the curly haired boy talk. If he could, Louis would love to spend all day just listening to Harry talk and moaning.

What? No. I did not just think that. Louis chuckled at his own dirty mind. So what? He’s a teenage boy with raging hormones . . . and sometimes thinking thoughts that would make his grandmother roll over in her grave like a damn rotisserie.

“Ready as I’ll ever be. I’m leaving, mum!”

“Stay safe, LouBear!” Jay called back and Louis groaned at the nickname before walking out and shutting the door behind him. “Where are you taking me anyways? I mean . . . and after last night I didn’t think you’d want to be around me.”

“Just wait, yeah? I still want to be around you, Louis, but lets not talk about last night. Just focus on the night ahead.”

Louis nodded, keeping silent as Harry brought him to a different car that was parked on the side of the street. Not the Audi, but a black Chevy truck. “My God, how many cars do you own?”

Harry chuckled and shook his head, opening the passenger door and ushering Louis inside before going around to the drivers side. “Just these two,” he said while putting the key in the ignition and starting the engine. “I bought this truck on my own. I saved up enough money from the time I was 14 and when I got my license, I went out and bought this.”

“What about the Audi?” Louis asked.

“My dad bought me it for my 17th birthday. He gave me some shit apology about a few things that’ve happened and then hoped that it would make up for it all. Thinks he can just buy my forgiveness.” Harry snorted, shaking his head as he drove down the road.

Being curious, Louis decided to press him on it. “What sort of things could’ve happened for him to buy you a Audi R8? It’s an expensive sports car! And I've never heard about your dad. Where is he?" But whenever Louis said that, he saw Harry get physically tense--breath shortening and his knuckles were white from how hard he was gripping onto the steering wheel. So, Louis quickly added, “you don’t have to tell me.”

“Whenever I’m ready, Louis.” Harry breathed, taking one of his from the steering wheel and blindly trying to find Louis’. Louis finally caught on and took Harry’s hand in his, their fingers lacing together. It was a tight grip that Harry had on his hand but he didn’t say anything. “I’ll tell you whenever I’m ready.”

It was silent for most of the way over to where Harry was driving, and Harry’s tension had been wiped away almost instantly whenever he held Louis’ hand.

Louis stared out of the window, blinking a few times then turning his attention towards Harry who was already looking back at him. “Where are we?”

“Beach,” Harry said simply while getting out of the truck and going to Louis’ side, opening the door and then helping him down. “Let me get a few things out of the truck first.”

It was strange to be on the beach at almost 7 o’clock at night, but Louis didn’t question it. The sun was slowly starting to set off in the distance and Louis smiled at it. But he averted his gaze whenever the driver door slammed shut and Harry appeared, holding a guitar. “Follow me.” Harry smiled and walked along the sand with Louis.

Minutes passed and they had finally reached their destination. To say Louis’ was shocked is an understatement.

There was a table with food placed upon its top and two chaired pushed in underneath. Four tiki torches lined close to the table and a few beautiful palm trees surrounded it. “W-what is this?” Louis asked, completely taken aback by what he’s seeing. It’s beautiful, romantic and so . . . Harry.

“Just a little something. A date, I hope you’d care to call it that.”

Louis knew that Harry was a romantic, just through things he's been told by the curly haired bloke, but he never thought in one million years that it would be like this. Especially not after last night’s contents. “It’s . . . it’s beautiful.”

“Come, sit.” Harry pulled out one of the chairs and as Louis took a seat, Harry scooted the chair into the table. They sat on opposite sides of the table, and Harry gave him a smile. “I uh, I actually cooked us dinner. Are you hungry? Did you eat already? I wasn’t sure but I didn’t want to give anything away while texting you, so I didn’t ask.” Soon, Harry was rambling on and Louis chuckled and shook his head, reaching his hand across the table and placing a finger on his lips. “I am hungry yet I did eat, but that was almost 3 hours ago. What is it? Smells delicious.”

“Chicken Alfredo with Parmesan.”

So that’s why he asked if I liked pasta. Louis nodded and gave Harry a smile before digging in.

They ate and chatted amongst themselves for about 15 minutes, before Harry looked up and stared out at the sky. Louis noticed this, and slowly waved a hand in the front of Harry’s face. “Harry, you’re zoning out on me.”

Harry turned his head back to look at Louis and stood up suddenly, putting out his hand for Louis to take. “Care to come with me?” Louis didn’t hesitate to take Harry’s hand all while standing up from his chair. He watched as Harry grabbed the guitar that he had perched against one of the trees, and then they were off.

As they walked along the shore, Louis couldn’t help but admire how amazing this night was going. It was all so spectacular, but still Louis wondered why Harry had a guitar with him. Was he going to play?

He thought he might just melt if said thing happens.

Arriving to the perfect spot where the sunset could be seen perfectly and clearly in the front of them out in the water, Harry started to lay down a blanket on the sandy shore.

Oh, where did he get that from? Louis hadn’t even noticed Harry bringing it along.

Harry ushered for Louis to sit and he obliged, taking a seat on the blanket and watching as Harry did the same. “I want you to know, Louis, that you mean more to me than you’ll ever know and . . . I’m hoping that this song will say all of the words I can’t seem to sputter out.” Harry gave Louis a smile before starting to strum on his guitar, then starting to softly sing.

 

“There’s nothing I could say to you

Nothing I could ever do to make you see

What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried

Still you never said goodbye and now I know how far you’d go

I know I let you down but it's not like that now

This time I’ll never let you go

 

I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life I’ll be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything okay

 

I thought that I had everything I didn’t know what life could bring

But now I see honestly

You're the one thing I got right

The only one I let inside

Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me

And if I let you down I’ll turn it all around

Cause I would never let you go

 

I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life I’ll be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything okay

 

Cause without you I can’t sleep

I’m not gonna ever ever let you leave

You’re all I got

You’re all I want

Yeah

And without you I don’t know what I’d do

I could never ever live a day without you

Here with me do you see you're all I need

 

And I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life I will be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything okay

 

I will be all that you want and get myself together

Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life you know I will be with you forever

To get you through the day and make everything okay.”

 

By the end of the song, Louis had tears rolling down his cheeks but a smile plastered on his lips. He couldn’t resist leaning over and placing a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. “Harry . . .” Louis breathed out while resting their foreheads together, keeping his eyes closed as he felt Harry’s hand cup his cheek. “You make everything okay, Lou.” Harry mumbled, their lips ghosting over each others.

“I feel like I should be dedicating that song to you, instead of the other way around.” By now they had pulled away so they could face one another, staring into each others eyes, blue orbs meeting green. 

“Louis, I haven’t told you some things about myself . . . my past, that I’m still not comfortable with talking about. But soon I will, alright? I’ll tell you everything and then you’ll realize how you honestly do keep me from falling apart. You’ll understand the lyrics more. Louis, you make me complete in more ways than you know, will you please give me a chance?”

And this time Louis didn’t run off or say that he wouldn’t be able to, no, Louis nodded without hesitation then brought Harry into a tight embrace. Louis was never a risk taker but for Harry, he would.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?” Louis asked softly, letting his fingers brushing through Harry’s curls.

“If you’ll have me,” Harry smiled.


	10. End Of The School Year Party

2 months and many kisses later;

“So, babe, there’s a party tonight.” Harry held both of Louis’ hands in his own as he led him backwards down the sidewalk.

Louis laughed and shook his head, “the last party I went to, I ended up drunk and woke up in the morning with a miserable hangover. I don’t really want to relive that.” He said with a grin.

“C’mon, please! It’s an end of the school year party. Don’t you want to celebrate that? Today was our last day of 11th grade. Please?” Harry pouted out his bottom lip and Louis knew he couldn’t say no to that. He let out a defeated sigh and nodded his head. “Okay, alright, fine. I have to ask my mum first.”

“There’s the spirit!” Harry pulled Louis close and placed a soft kiss on his lips. “Now, my beautiful boyfriend, lets get to your place so I can pick you out something snazzy to wear.” Whenever that was said, Louis snickered and buried his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Snazzy?”

“Snazzy.” Harry smiled and tugged on one of Louis’ hand.

~ * ~

I won’t drink. I won’t drink. I won’t drink. Louis repeated in his head as Harry led him inside of a house. It was different from the house he had went to party at months back, if anything it was larger in size. There were many more teenagers this time and Louis felt relieved that he wasn’t claustrophobic.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Harry looked down at Louis who shook his head. “I’m going to get one, I’ll be back!”

Louis was left alone in the crowd of bodies.

He glanced around and then pushed himself through everyone, opposite of Harry. As he stumbled out of the crowd he bumped into someone rather harshly. “Oh, shit! I-I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Louis knew that voice was familiar, so he brought his head up to see who the person was.

“Zayn, is it?”

Zayn nodded with a smile, shifting his cup to his other hand and sticking it out to Louis. “And you’re Louis, yeah? Harry’s mentioned you.”

“Oh?” Louis shook his hand with a nervous laugh. “R-really?”

“Mhm. He says that you’re the best thing that’s happened to him in awhile. You make him really happy, he’s so much better than how he used to be ever since he met you. Pleasure to formally meet the reason behind my best friend’s smile.”

Louis felt his cheeks flush as he pulled his hand away, stuffing both of them in his pockets. “Oh, well, oh. It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

After a little bit of small talk between the two, Harry came walking up with a cup in his hand and a smile plastered on his lips. “I see you two have finally got acquainted and Zayn has met my lovely boyfriend.” He wrapped an arm around Louis’ waist, causing Louis to blush even more. “I didn’t think you were coming to the party, Z. I know they aren’t really your thing.”

“Yeah, well I decided the school year is finally over, might as well enjoy it while I can. I’m going to go and dance though, it was nice to meet you Louis!” Zayn waved before disappearing into the swarms of people.

“He’s a nice guy,” Louis smiled and leaned into Harry’s touch. “But promise me you won’t drink too much, because I can’t be your designated driver tonight--left my drivers license at home.”

~ * ~

Louis groaned in frustration as Harry had him pinned up against a wall in the bathroom, breath reeking heavily of alcohol. “Lou, baby, please.” Harry mumbled against Louis’ neck as he started sucking harshly on it.

“H-Harry, no.” Louis breathed out, trying not to get himself too turned on.

He honestly would not give his virgnity away in a bathroom while someone else’s house. He wanted his first time to be extra special. Earlier when they were downstairs Louis was enjoying himself, dancing and only drinking soda--Harry apparently had drank more alcohol than he could handle.

“But Lou,” Harry whined and let his hands roam down to Louis’ jeans, drunkenly fumbling with the belt. “Damn belt.” He slurred, raising his head up to pout at Louis.

“You’re drunk also, so that’s a definite no. We are not having sex in this bathroom while you’re blind drunk. There are people downstairs also! No.”

Louis grabbed his hand and tried prying him from the bathroom but Harry, who was groaning at the rejected, wouldn’t budge.

“P-please.” Harry pulled Louis against his body, pressing a sloppy kiss to his lips.

“No!” Louis pushed Harry back and against the wall, unlocking and opening the door before leaving Harry alone in the bathroom. He made his way down the stairs, searching around for Zayn but he wasn’t having any luck. Finally, Louis reached the kitchen to see Zayn leaning against the counter and talking to a blonde headed girl. He felt bad about interrupting their conversation but he didn’t really know personally anyone else at the party.

Louis slowly made his way over to the pair and tapped gently on Zayn’s shoulder to get his attention. Zayn turned his head to see who was tapping on his shoulder and smiled, facing the girl again. “Mandy, we’ll chat later, yeah?” The girl, who Louis presumed was Mandy, nodded and walked off.

“What can I do for ya?” Zayn asked while sipping on a bottled water, his attention now fully on Louis.

“I . . . I’m sorry to break up your conversation with that girl but uh, it’s Harry. He’s drunk, I’m not even sure if he can tell his left hand from his right. And horny but that doesn’t really matter, I was wondering if maybe you could drive him home or to your place . . . something.”

Zayn saw the guilt on Louis’ face so he placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it gently. “Don’t apologize, wasn’t a problem. I’ll drive him back to my place, I know his mum would flip shit if I brought her son home drunk, and my dad is probably out. Don’t worry, okay?”

Nodding his head, Louis gave Zayn a small smile. “He’s upstairs in one of the bathrooms.” With saying that, Louis walked out of the house and down the sidewalk

He knew he’d have to talk to Harry sooner or later, but at the moment he just wanted to get home and sleep--being glad that the school year was over until August and pondering on how his next conversation with Harry would go.


	11. Do You Wanna

“Louis, come here please!” Jay called her eldest from her bedroom, zipping up a suitcase before propping it up against the wall. A groaning Louis appeared in the doorway only in a pair of white skinnies. “Honestly, mum? I’m getting dressed.”

She laughed and shook her head, walking over and placing a tender kiss on his forehead. “We’re leaving in a few minutes. Now I would hope that you keep everything unbroken and in place. No parties and no one over while we’re away. There’s money on the counter if you want take-out.”

“Mum, just go already! I know the do’s and don’ts. Have fun.” Louis smiled and picked up her suitcase, setting it by the stairs.

“And it’s just for a few days. Three days. Be good. Don’t catch the kitchen on fi-”

“One time, mother. Once. Go, have fun with everyone! I’ll be here when you get back and your kitchen will be in one piece.” He chuckled while urging his mum down the stairs as he carried her suitcase.

Louis opened up his arms wide as all four of his sisters attacked him in one big hug. “Love you girls, see you when you get back.” Once they shuffled away from his to finish putting their suitcases in the car, Mark gave him a side hug and smiled. “Be good, son.”

Soon they were off on their way and Louis shut the door behind them, smiling to himself. He had been thinking long and hard for the past few days, ever since the party he had went to with Harry, about several things. He’d also been ignoring his beautiful boyfriend who wanted nothing but a conversation with him.

~ * ~

_Knock knock knock._

Louis stood patiently at Harry’s doorway, hands clasped in the front of him as he stared down at the ground.  _Is Harry mad at me?_  Louis thought as the door didn’t open after a few minutes, which made him let out a sigh.

About a minute more Louis waited, but no answer, he started to back away but stopped when he heard the lock on the door click, and the door slowly opened.

“Louis?” Harry peeked his head out of the door and gave Louis a weary smile. Harry had visible bags under his eyes and his damp curls were a mess, looking like he hadn’t slept well the night before.

“Hey,” Louis twiddled his thumbs before raising his head to face Harry. “May I come in?”

Harry blinked his eyes a few times before giving a nod and opening up the door, gesturing with his hand for Louis to come inside.

Louis obliged.

“I uh, uh, about that party . . .” Louis scratched the back of his head nervously, not making any eye contact with Harry. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?” Harry chuckled as he put two fingers under Louis’ chin and raised his head up so they were face-to-face. “I was the one who got piss drunk and tried to fuck you in the bathroom of someone elses house. I want to apologize, you have nothing to be sorry for. So . . . I understand if you hate me.”

Amusement danced in Louis’ eyes while cupping both sides of Harry’s face with a smile. “I could never hate you, Haz. My lovely boyfriend, I would never hate you. Stop thinking so silly.” Louis leaned in the remainder of the way before pressing their lips together.

Pretty rough snogging lasted a few minutes and Louis ended up being pressed against the wall, both of the boy’s bodies pressed together.

“Okay, wait,” Louis breathed while resting his forehead on Harry’s, giving his slightly swollen lips a soft peck. “Don’t distract me with your tasty lips, I came here also to ask you something.”

“Ask away, babe.” Harry grinned.

“Come over to my house say around six?”

Harry didn’t hesitate to nod.

~ * ~

Footsteps belonging to the one and only Louis Tomlinson paced around the kitchen of his family home, occasionally stopping to check the content that lay prepared in a glass dish on the counter. Nervous wasn’t a strong enough word to describe the feelings that lay in the pit of his stomach, but nausea happened to be one of those many feelings. What if he screws the whole night up? He wasn’t sure if he could handle said thing happening.

_Knock._

Louis’ head shot up and he narrowed his eyebrows downwards.

_Knock knock._

Pause.

_Knock._

It only took four awkward knocks on the front door for Louis to realize it was his boyfriend.

Heart beating at a rather rapid pace, Louis took a quick glance at the food he prepared - without burning the food or himself - before making his way over to the front door. He looked down at his attire and smoothed out his ‘Ramones’ shirt, which had ‘accidentally’ gone missing from Harry’s room a week prior, before twisting the cool door knob and opening the door swiftly.

“Hey,” Harry spoke quietly with a smile plastered on his lips, hands tucked into his jean pockets.

“Hi, come in.” His eyes couldn’t help but travel to Harry’s jean-clad arse, making Louis’ thin lips quirk up into a smile.

Louis gently took Harry’s large hand in his smaller one and led him into the kitchen, a pleasant aroma of food his Harry’s nose, causing a grin. “Babe, did you cook dinner?”

“I-I uh . . . yeah, actually. I’m surprised I didn’t burn down the kitchen or the food, but yeah. Is lasagna alright? I mean, I didn’t know what to cook and I got the recipe offline so I’m sorry if it sucks-” Harry cut off Louis’ rambling by pressing a chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. “Love, I won’t know until I try it. I bet it’s perfection.”

~ * ~

Dinner went better than Louis expected.

Harry thought the food was absolutely fantastic and Louis was ecstatic, but he still prayed he hadn’t given either of them food poisoning. Louis left their dirty dishes in the sink, not giving a care about them at the moment, before grabbing Harry’s hand and leading him towards the stairs.

“Lo-”

“Shh.”

“Whe-”

“Harry, shush.” Louis smiled with the shake of a head as he walked up the stairs with Harry hot on his tail.

It was silent for the 20 seconds it took to walk up the flight of stairs and arrive in the front of Louis’ closed bedroom door. “Okay, close your eyes.” Louis said firmly and Harry did as told--listening to the slight creak of Louis’ bedroom door as it was opened up slowly. The feathery haired boy tugged on Harry’s hand to urge him to walk forward, while constantly reassuring that he wouldn’t let him run into the wall.

“Open.”

Harry peeked his left eye open before blinking and opening both eyes fully. “W-what is this?” He asked in a quiet voice, trying to take in his surroundings. Louis room was still the same as whenever Harry had came in it a week earlier, but this time there were scattered red rose petals on the floor along with a few good smelling candles lit.

Simple yet romantically enticing.

As his boyfriend looked around the room, Louis stared nervously at the ground. “I wanted . . . I want to, like, you know . . .” He took in a deep, shaky breath before taking Harry’s hand, causing them to connect eyes. “Have sex with me.”

The silence between the two lasted for a few minutes time until Louis took a few steps backwards while self-consciously stared at a wall ahead. “I’m sorry, H-Harry. I just . . . I thought that after what happened a few days ago you still might want to do it but,” Louis slid his bottom lip through his teeth slowly. “I can see you don’t have any interest in doing so.”

Suddenly, taking Louis by surprise, Harry walked closer to him and took both of his hands. “Louis, I don’t want to have sex with you.” He said bluntly to which Louis still continued to stare off into the distance. “I want to make love to you.”

When that was said, Louis tore his gaze away from a wall to lock eyes with Harry. “R-really?”

“Really,” Harry whispered while backing up, fingers still laced with Louis’ as he backed up towards the bed, the edge of it hitting the back of his knees. “If you want to.” He continued, “I don’t want you to do this if . . . you don’t want to. Alright?”

Louis quickly nodded and took no time with pressing his lips against Harry’s, causing the taller lad to fall back on the bed from the sudden attack--Louis falling on the top of him. “I want to, God I want to.” He mumbled against Harry’s lips with a smile, slowly raising himself so he was sitting firmly on Harry’s lap.

“But you really want to do this, right? Just because of what happened when I was drunk doesn’t mean-”

“You talk a lot, you know that?” Louis giggled while slowly unbuttoning the buttons on Harry’s plaid shirt, top to bottom. Harry blushed at that. “Wow, making Harry Styles blush. That’s a first,” Louis mumbled as he got to the last button and very slowly slipped it from its restraint hole.

Harry placed his hands on Louis’ slim hips before pulling himself up slowly, letting his arms hang down while Louis slipped the shirt off of his toned body.

Piece by piece, inches of their clothing came off - as they undressed each other - and ended up being tossed mindlessly on the floor beside the bed. Louis couldn’t admit the fact to Harry that he felt rather embarrassed and ashamed on the ugly scars that covered his thighs, but Harry ran the pads of both thumbs over them with a soft smile. “You’re still beautiful to me, you know, scars and all.” He whispered, leaning down and placing soft kisses on each other them, causing Louis to tear up and stare at the ceiling.

Louis had always tried to learn to love his scars--embrace them, but it was so hard to whenever they were a constant reminder of his past before Harry came along, something he honestly did not want to remember. He stills remember the stinging sensation that came along as he dragged a blade across his body, and how it was hard to wear jeans before they healed since it irritated the self-made cuts. Tears stung in Louis’ eyes as he shut them, soon feeling Harry’s lips disconnect from his lower half but quickly connecting on his lips.

“Hey, hey, why are you crying?” Harry asked softly, rubbing two fingers over each of his cheeks one at a time.

“They’re ugly,” Louis said, choking back on a sob.

“What?”

“My scars, they’re so damn ugly. How could you still think I’m beautiful with those horrid things etched into my skin?”

Harry’s chest clenched at Louis’ words before lifting the small boy of the bed and onto his lap, his arms wrapping protectively around him. “You really want to know why?”

Louis gave a hesitant nod while wiping his cheeks with the back of his hands.

“Because, Lou, you’re beautiful to me and every single thing you do is beautiful. I love the way you squint your eyes while your nose scrunches up when you laugh. The disgusted look you give pizza as you pick the off the toppings you hate. How whenever you read your eyes are wide at interesting parts, the way you look when you’re about to cry and when something pleases you. Everything about you is beautiful, everything that you do is beautiful. I love your flaws and your scars because they make up who you really are, I wouldn’t have you any other way. Even if your body had burns or bruises to it and if your face was disfigured, I’d love you nonetheless.”

A pin could drop in the silence that Louis was giving, who was staring wide-eyed at Harry.

He said the ‘L’ word.

Love.

While his inner god nearly fainted, Louis blinked his eyes while knocking their foreheads together. “L-love?”

“Love.”

Louis didn’t need a kick of encouragement to lean in and kiss Harry on the lips, he did it all himself. Without another word, Louis pushed himself off of Harry’s lap and laid himself down on the bed, watching with intent eyes as he raised himself to let his boyfriend slide down his boxers. Harry took a few seconds to take in the beautiful human being before him before slipping off his briefs and dropping the two pairs of clothing onto the floor.

“Did you-”

“I come prepared.”

“But are you sure you got-”

“Harry.” Louis let out a chuckle and leaned over to his bedside table, then waving a foil packet in front of Harry. “Like I said, I come prepared.”

Harry smiled while lowering Louis’ arm, taking two fingers and placing them to Louis’ now closed lips. “Suck,” he mouthed and Louis parted his lips, taking Harry’s long fingers into his mouth and swirling his tongue around them. Harry couldn’t help but get more and more turned on by watching Louis.

“Are you a virgin?” Harry asked curiously before sliding his saliva coated fingers from Louis’ mouth and sliding one slowly into his entrance, causing Louis to let out a gasp. “Yep, you are.” He smirked before leaning down, pressing a passionate his to his groaning lover.

“H-how about . . . you?” Louis asked breathlessly as Harry inserted a second finger, sliding them in a forward and backward motion.

Curls shook as Harry shook his head no, “I wish, my first time wasn’t something I ever care to remember, it was horrible.”

And Louis kept silent because he could tell it was a touchy subject for Harry.

“Okay,” was what Harry said while slowly sliding three fingers out of Louis’, staring down at him. “Are you honestly sure that you want to do this? Because we don’t have to. I don’t want to take your virginity and then you regret it later on-”

“Harry.”

He hummed in reply.

Louis smiled softly as he wrapped his arms loosely around Harry’s neck, “make love to me.”

So, that’s what he did after slowly rolling the condom on.

With his tip pressing at the entrance of Louis’ opening, Harry kept their eyes locked together to spot any sign of pain or hesitation. But none, sure, Louis’ eyes glistened with tears from the discomfort but his face showed full pleasure because _fuck_  it was nothing like he had ever experienced but it felt so  _right._

Soon, Harry was slid all of the way in but stayed still, letting Louis’ adjust to the feeling. “Are you okay?” He whispered, watching the way his beautiful boyfriend’s eyelids fluttered open and they stared at each other in the candlelit room. “I’m great,” Louis smiled, resting his head back on the propped up pillows and letting out a staggered breath as Harry started to move his hips.

“Fuck, Harry.” Louis breathed out of parted lips, gripping the back of the curls, receiving a grunt from Harry.

Harry’s hips rocked back and forth as he created a rhythm while thrusting softly into Louis. It wasn’t rough, nor was it was too gentle, it was absolutely perfect, because Harry was doing what Louis wanted they both wanted badly.

They were making love. Sweet, passionate love with feather-like kisses and muffled moans. It was filled with passion and desire and lust but most of all . . .  _love_. Maybe Louis hadn’t admitted to loving Harry or said that he loved him back, but as the bed squeaked and sweaty bodies rocked against one another for the second time that same night; Louis knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He felt himself falling deeper and deeper for his boyfriend by every touch and every kiss.

Maybe it was okay for both of them to let their walls down fully. 


	12. Losing Grip

Warmth escaped Louis as he tossed and turned on Harry’s bed, occasionally kicking the other in his sleep. Harry blinked his eyes open to see Louis looking distressed in his sleep, so he pulled him close, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. Instantly, Louis relaxed and cuddled his back into Harry’s torso before falling back into a deep, gentle sleep.

Harry let his fingers trace down Louis’ face, down the jawline and onto his neck where he let his fingers dance around a bright red hickey before continuing downward. Reaching his slim hip, Harry massaged the bare skin slowly with a small smile.

His smile disappeared whenever Louis started to talk in his sleep.

“Ha-Harry, no, don’t. Please . . . stop it, please.” Louis started to toss once again and Harry was quick to unravel his arms from Louis and climb from the bed. He stared at the small figure of his boyfriend who was wrapped up in the comforter, starting to break into a sweat.

He started to panic.

Slowly backing up towards the shut door, Harry rubbed his eyes wearily and whenever opening them back up, he found Louis sleeping like a baby. Mouth hung open and head pressed into the side of the pillow, absentmindedly gripping at the cover to try and receive warmth from it. Harry was utterly confused, wasn’t Louis just thrashing around and talking in his sleep?

Surely, someone couldn’t be deep in sleep after that.

Once Harry shut his eyes to try and find answers, they were answered rather quickly and he blinked his eyes back open. Louis was back to squirming or mumbling, or so Harry thought.

“No, fuck.” He breathed and ran his fingers through his curls, quietly twisting the door knob and opening the door as silent as possible, before making his way out of the room and down the stairs. His thoughts were getting the best of him again, because in reality, Louis was sound asleep without a worry in the world at the moment.

Pacing around the living room, Harry ran his hands down his face multiple times. His brain was jumbled with many flashbacks and horrible, horrible memories. “I . . .” He kept his eyes open for as long as possible because whenever he shut them, even for a split second, his mind was overtaken by his inner demons and past memories that were more like nightmares.

Tears slipped down Harry’s reddened cheeks while he sunk down to his knees. Choking back on sobs, he listened to a bedroom door creak open from upstairs, and then heard quiet footsteps making their way down the stairs and into the living room.

“Baby, come back to bed.” Louis whined sleepily, letting out a yawn and adjusting his eyes to the semi-darkness of the living room, seeing Harry gripping frantically on his curls with his body shaking. Cautiously, Louis made his way over to Harry to find he was . . . crying? “H-Harry, what’s wrong?” He asked softly, raking his fingers through the matted curls which calmed Harry, but not much.

“I-I’m . . . sorry.”

“Hey, hey, why are you sorry?” Louis kneeled down to take Harry’s hands off of his face, holding them tightly in his own.

“I’m sorry I took your virginity.”

Louis raised his eyebrows in questions and shook his head, “That was last week, but why do you feel sorry? I wanted you to.”

“No, no, I forced you. Didn’t I? I-I did. B-because you were telling me to stop . . . and, I’m sorry.” Harry cried even harder, so Louis attempted to wrap his arms around his boyfriend but quickly retreated back whenever Harry pushed his arms away. “I’m sorry,” he fell back onto his bum and wrapped his arms around his knees that were pulled up to his chest.

To say Louis was confused was an understatement.

He didn’t understand why Harry was acting like this, or apologize for taking his virginity. He was acting like a completely different person and Louis had never seen Harry so vulnerable and . . . scared to touch him. “I took away all of your innocence,” Harry wiped his nose slowly. “I’m sorry for raping you, Louis. I’m so sorry.”

Louis backed up from Harry as he watched the other throw the home phone across the room, wide eyed and not sure what to do. He quickly made his way back up the stairs and into Harry’s room, where he grabbed Harry’s cell phone and scrolled through the contacts until he found ‘Mum’.

The phone rang a few times until the other end picked up, and Anne let out a laugh. “It’s 3 in the morning and I’m working, Harold.”

“A-Anne?” Louis slid down the now closed bedroom door to drown out Harry’s echoing sobs and him throwing odd and in things downstairs. “It’s Louis . . . I . . . it’s about Harry.”

“Louis? Oh, what’s wrong? Is Harry alright?”

“I don’t know, I don’t. He’s downstairs crying and throwing things and I don’t know . . . I don’t know what to do.” Louis shut his eyes as he held back tears whenever hearing glass break from downstairs and Harry loudly scream “fuck.”

He guessed she could hear what happened over the phone because she gasped, “it’s one of his episodes. My God, he hasn’t had one of those in awhile. I’ll go and clock out now, but I need you to calm him. I don’t want him to thrash around, it caused him to have a seizure once. Don’t let him tug on his hair because that just makes it worse. Just hold him and talk to him and get him back into reality. When he has his episodes . . . he’s not himself.”

“O-okay, thank you.” Louis breathed before ending the call and cautiously made his way downstairs into the living room, where things were strewn around but no Harry. “Harry, baby,” he said softly while making his way through the kitchen doorway to find Harry standing by the islander, head down with his fists curled tightly.

Louis noticed blood dripping onto the floor, making him wince but even with doing so, he still made his way over to him. He lifted Harry’s left hand and Harry didn’t put up a fight whenever Louis uncurled his fingers. “Oh my . . .” Louis whispered, seeing shards of glass sticking into his palm, blood seeping out.

“I want them to go away,” Harry said, looking down blankly at the red blood that had dribbled on the kitchen tiles, making its way into the cracks.

“What do you want to go away?” Louis asked while guiding him from the kitchen and into the downstairs bathroom.

“These memories. Will you make them go away?”

The pain and vulnerability in Harry’s voice made Louis’ heart ache for his boyfriend, because what exactly could he do?

Louis stayed quiet as he sat Harry down on the toilet lid before grabbing a pair of tweezers from a drawer and a bottle of peroxide from the sink cabinet. “Harry,” he started, voice quiet while he carefully picked out a small shard of glass from Harry’s hand. “What . . . memories do you want to go away?”

“The ones about my father.”

This, Louis knew, was a touchy subject for Harry. He had brought it up a few times but Harry would get tense and change the subject or just stay silent, so Louis got the hint on not to bring it up unless Harry did himself.

The sound of sniffling brought Louis from his thoughts and he looked up to see tears falling down Harry’s cheeks. “It’s fucking with my head, all of these memories.” Harry choked out, using his free hand to tug roughly on his hair. Quickly, Louis set down the bottle and tweezers before taking Harry’s glass-free hand into his own. “Just make them go away!” Harry nearly screamed into Louis’ bare chest which was now wet with tears.

“Shh, just let it out, Harry.” Louis whispered while resting his chin on the top of Harry’s head, placing multiple kisses through the curly brown locks.

After Harry let out most of his tears, Louis resumed to pick glass from Harry’s hand and tossing the pieces into the trash. “This is going to feel weird and might sting a bit, alright?” Louis sighed whenever Harry didn’t speak, so he just tugged Harry’s hand so it was over the tub and proceeded to pour peroxide over it. Not once did Harry flinch or move, but his breathing intensified.

Finishing wrapping a hand-towel around Harry’s hand, Louis scratched his cheek slowly. “Lets get you to your room, okay?”

Harry stayed silent.

Louis stood Harry up and placed a hand on the small of his back, another resting on his abdomen. He made his way from the bathroom and took a glance around at the mess that was the living room before leading Harry up the stairs and to his bedroom.

“They aren’t going away,” Harry mumbled as Louis made him lay down on the bed.

“Focus on me, Harry,” Louis said while he climbed onto the bed and sat in front of Harry. Doing as told, Harry raised his head and stared into the bright cerulean orbs which were Louis’ eyes, but Harry felt really out of it.

He didn’t feel a thing.

He felt numb, both physically and mentally. His mind was in a much darker place and he could not seem to snap out of it. Dark thoughts and dark memories flooded through the dam gates in his mind. He could not get it to stop nor slow down.

Louis shook his head and cupped the side of Harry’s face, leaning forward so their faces were inches apart. “No, I mean really focus on me. Not our surroundings, not the things in your head, me.” His thumb slid soothingly over Harry’s tear-stained cheek and shuffled forward so he was resting on his lap, legs on either side. “Look at me.” Louis demanded softly whenever Harry turned his head away, and when Harry didn’t comply, Louis took matters into his own hands.

Curling his fingers into his palm, he pressed two fists on Harry’s chest and forced him backwards so he was laying on the bed. Moving himself forward, Louis straddled his boyfriend’s lap and leaned back down so his face was once again hovering over Harry’s. “Me,” he breathed out and Harry shut his eyes when feeling Louis’ warm breath lingering over his lips.

Inch by inch, Louis placed loving kisses on exposed pieces of Harry’s skin. From his neck down to his legs, then trailing the kisses back up. He saw Harry’s green eyes staring back at him, and in one movement their lips were pressed together.

“I can see it, you know.” Louis whispered after pulling his lips away from Harry’s needy ones. “The way you smile sometimes, but that smile doesn’t reach your eyes.”

Harry blinked his eyes multiple times while raising his hand and placing it upon Louis’ cheek. “ ‘m tired.” He mumbled sleepily, letting his fingers slide down Louis’ cheek with a small smile on his lips.

My Harry is back, Louis thought with a smile before nodding down to Harry. “Rest now, baby,” he said quietly, hearing the door downstairs open then close, followed by Anne calling out Harry’s name. Louis started to get up but was pulled back down by Harry, “please don’t leave me.”

Louis pressed a kiss to Harry’s forehead and shook his head, relaxing himself back down on top of the taller lad. “I won’t leave you, Harry.” After shuffling to get comfortable, Louis looked down to see Harry with eyes closed and snores leaving his parted lips. “I won’t ever leave you.” Louis mumbled while placing his head on Harry’s chest and pulling the comforter over the two half-naked bodies.

“Harry? Louis?” Anne called out once more while in the upstairs hallway, seeing the bedroom door to her son’s room wide open. She expected to see that the room was a complete disaster like the living room, but it was exactly the same way she had saw it that morning, just this time there were two figures laying under the comforter. Taking a few quiet steps into the room, she sees that Harry is fast asleep with Louis laying on the top of him, tracing mindless patterns on Harry’s arm.

A creaking sound at the door makes Louis eyes travel over, finding Anne, Harry’s mother, standing there with a smile on her lips. Anne gave him a look and he nodded, slipping from Harry’s warm embrace and onto the floor, where he slipped on his pair of pajama pants and one of Harry’s shirts while Anne turned around to give him his privacy while dressing. When finished, Louis looked down at Harry and tucked him in some more before heading out of the room and downstairs with Anne.

“Thank you,” Anne said while stepping over the mess in the living room, which she would clean up later, and making her way into the kitchen.

Louis tilted his head to the side while sliding himself on a chair at the kitchen table. “You don’t have to thank me. But . . . if it’s alright to ask, what are one of his ‘episodes’ anyways? Like, why does he have them?”

Anne sighed after she started the tea, turning around to look at Louis who watched her curiously. “He has them because of past experiences, and has had them since he was 12. I even had to homeschool him for awhile because they started to happen during class and he would lash out. Little things can trigger memories from the past, things that have happened to him, and he over-thinks a lot so that’s also a cause of his episodes sometimes.”

“What caused them, though?”

“I’m not sure if it’s my place to tell, but . . . has Harry ever told you anything about his father?”

Louis shook his head. “The only thing he said is that his father tried to win his forgiveness or something, by getting him the Audi. Only thing he’s told me.”

“That's true but there are some other things that happened . . . that he did to Harry, I think that’s the only thing I can tell you. Harry will explain it to you when he’s comfortable enough, but that might take awhile. I’m not sure if he has comes to terms with it all yet.”

Setting down a mug of tea in front of Louis, Anne opened up a cabinet and got out a box of sugar cubes.

“I’ll wait around until he tells, even if I have to wait forever.”

Anne set down the box on the table while holding her cup of tea as she stirred in some cubes. “You really like my son, don’t you?”

He smiled to himself while putting in multiple cubes, because he liked his tea sweet, then nodded. “I do, so much.”

“Just . . . don’t hurt him, alright? He’s fragile and carries baggage, but if you get past that-”

“We both have baggage Ms. Cox, and I would never do anything to hurt your son. He’s my everything and he’s always been there for me when I needed it. I’ll take care of him, I promise.” The next thing Louis knew, Anne’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders from behind.

“Thank you, Louis, for . . . well, everything. He’s the happiest I think he’s ever been and it’s all because of you. You even got him calmed quicker than I have.”

“No need to thank me,” Louis patted her arms with a smile. “Can I ask you something though?”

She nodded as she pulled away from Louis, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. “Anything.”

Louis shifted in his seat and took a sip of his tea before glancing up at Harry’s mother, “How did you know when you fell in love?”

“Well,” Anne began, gulping down a bit of tea before setting the mug down on the table, “my first love’s name was Andrew, to begin with. I think that I realized I was in love with him whenever I could barely comprehend sentences without getting flustered and nervous, feeling like I wanted to throw up at every word. In a good way, of course. When he held my hand or held me, I would feel tingly and get goosebumps. I always thought about our future together; marriage, kids, the whole nine yards. He made my stomach get overwhelming butterflies and each time he looked into my eyes . . . I just fell for him all over again. It wasn’t any school-girl crush feeling, it was deeper than that. When you're in love, you'll know. Your heart will know.”

Louis ran his index finger slowly across the top of his mug while smiling to himself. “Oh.” He let out a sigh of happiness and licked his lips. Because most of everything she had said, applied to way Louis felt for Harry.

He thinks he might be coming to terms with his feelings for Harry.


	13. You've Got The Light To Fight The Shadows

The same early morning of Harry’s episode, Louis had sent his mother off to bed while he insisted cleaning up the mess in the living room. He let out a sigh as he disposed of some shattered glass out of the dust pan.

“Cleaner, cleaner, cleaner, aha.” Louis pulled a bottle of cleaner from under the sink cabinet, unrolling a few paper-towels. He didn’t enjoy the sight of blood, especially whenever it was someone else's blood, but he could handle his own. Strange. While eyeing the blood drips on the floor, Louis knelt down and sprayed cleaner on it, rubbing it lightly to get it all up. As soon as he threw the paper-towels into the trashcan and put the bottle of cleaner back in its respected spot, and making sure that he had the living room tidied up, Louis made his way back upstairs.

Twisting the doorknob, Louis cracked Harry’s bedroom door slightly to peek inside. The moonlight peeked in through the curtains on the window, but other than that it was dark. He tiptoed inside and started to fully shut the door, but then kept it open just a crack, Harry’s mother told him to do so. Or, her exact words, ‘whenever you two boys are alone in the room, the door is expected to be open.’ He smirked at the thought and shook his head, crawling into bed and beside Harry’s figure.

Louis stared down at the unruly curls of his boyfriend and moved them slowly from his shut eyes. While snuggling in close behind him, Louis pondered on what Anne, Harry’s mother, had told him earlier. ‘That’s true but there are some other things that happened . . . that he did to Harry,’ just remembering those words made Louis shudder, because what had had Harry’s own father done to him? The episodes apparently have something to do with his father and Louis wanted to know what.

Abuse him, maybe?

Trailing fingers up Harry’s arm, he let out a sigh. How could anyone want to hurt this precious human being? But, then he remembered something that Harry had told him, something that kept itching at him.

**

“I-I’m . . . sorry.”

“Hey, hey, why are you sorry?” Louis knelt down to take Harry’s hands off of his face, holding them tightly in his own.

“I’m sorry I took your virginity.”

Louis raised his eyebrows in questions and shook his head, “That was last week, but why do you feel sorry? I wanted you to.”

“No, no, I forced you. Didn’t I? I-I did. B-because you were telling me to stop . . . and, I’m sorry.” Harry cried even harder, so Louis attempted to wrap his arms around his boyfriend but quickly retreated back whenever Harry pushed his arms away. “I’m sorry,” he fell back onto his bum and wrapped his arms around his knees that were pulled up to his chest.

To say Louis was confused was an understatement.

He didn’t understand why Harry was acting like this, or apologize for taking his virginity. He was acting like a completely different person and Louis had never seen Harry so vulnerable and . . . scared to touch him. “I took away all of your innocence,” Harry wiped his nose slowly. “I’m sorry for raping you, Louis. I’m so sorry.”

**

Louis’ face paled and his eyelids flew open, looking down at the snoring, peaceful Harry.

Had Harry’s own father . . . raped him?

Tears slid down Louis’ cheeks as he sat up, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his chin on his knees. That couldn’t be possible. Could it? Was that the reason that Harry never brought up the subject of his father? Or why earlier Harry had continually apologized for taking Louis’ virginity, for raping him? Was is because Harry had had it happen to himself?

“Why’re you crying?” Harry’s scratchy voice made Louis’ head turn, watching as Harry shuffled to sit up in the bed and open his arms. Louis slowly crawled in-between Harry’s legs and felt the strong arms, that are his boyfriend’s, wrap around him from behind. “What’s wrong?” Harry yawned, placing a gentle kiss on the back of Louis’ neck.

Louis let his head fall back on his shoulder, letting his fingers slowly run down Harry’s jaw line. “I have a question,” he whispered, shutting his eyes as a few more tears escaped.

“Ask away,” Harry used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears away, giving Louis a small smile.

“Did your father rape you?”

Harry tensed at the question, arms tightening around Louis’ small frame as he breathing became ragged. “W-why . . . would you ask . . . that?” He breathed out while removing his arms from Louis.

While turning around to face Harry, he could see tears streaming down his beautiful face. That face is too precious for tears, Louis thought. “Hey, shh, you don’t have to answer me.” Louis let his arms slide around Harry’s neck, pulling him into a hug.

But Louis already knew the answer to his question.

Harry buried his face in Louis’ neck, coughing slightly while he gripped onto the shirt Louis had on, trying to pull him impossibly close.

“Shh, baby.” Louis mumbled, resting his head on the top of Harry’s head. Harry tried to calm his breathing while he cried, but it was harsh and quick. “Am I going to have to get you a paper bag?” Louis joked, trying to lift Harry’s spirits, smiling slightly whenever he could hear Harry chuckle through tears. “Deep breaths through your nose, then let it out through your mouth.”

Doing as told, with much difficulty, Harry took in as much breath as he could through his nose then shakily let it out through his mouth. “Louis,” he cried, gripping onto the back of Louis’ shirt.

Louis stayed silent, letting Harry cry his hearts content, until Harry started to speak.

“He did . . . Louis, he did. And he . . . he . . .” Harry cried more as Louis shushed him, telling him that he didn’t have to say anymore. But that was the thing, Harry wanted to, he needed to tell Louis. It wasn’t fair that Harry kept such a thing from his own boyfriend, so he decided he should tell it all.

Even if in the end, it left him more broken than usual.

~ * ~

Louis walked back up the stairs, two mugs of tea in his hand, as he nudged Harry’s bedroom door open with his hip. “Hey,” he smiled softly at Harry, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring down at the floor. Harry raised his head to look at Louis, giving him a weak smile before turning his attention back to the floor. Letting out a sigh, he shut the door with his foot and took a seat beside Harry, handing him a mug.

“Just take your time, love. Okay? I don’t have to know the whole thing. Anything you’re comfortable telling me.” Louis pressed his lips onto Harry’s cheek before crawling on his knees towards the middle of the bed, watching as Harry did the same. They sat, facing each other, the curtains now fully closed and a lamp switched it.

It was quiet for a few minutes between the two lovers, sipping on their tea and exchanging glances.

Harry broke the silence.

“My father was never the . . . greatest father, you know? He wasn’t a family man, or any type of man for that matter.” Harry snorted, leaning to put his mug on a side table before sitting properly once again. Louis did the same. “He used to hit my mum whenever he got angry, and he came drunk about 90% of the time. But he told us he loved us, and that was just a load of bullshit. Then . . . one day, I came home, and everything was fine. My father was acting all loving to my mother and my sister, our household was honestly . . . normal. I was 13 at the time, and that was the day I decided to come out, because things were going perfect.” Harry ran his hands down his face and Louis squeezed his thigh reassuringly, giving him an encouraging smile.

“It was during dinner and I told them I had to tell them all something . . .” Harry continued, looking down at his own hands as they became the most interesting thing in that moment. “I announced that I was bi-sexual but more so leaning to guys, and that I had a boyfriend. Mum hugged me and told me that she was proud of me. Gemma practically squealed and said that now her loser little brother is her new best friend. But my dad . . . he was silent and fuming, glaring at me all through dinner. My mum and sister were too happy to even notice, but I knew. It was later that night, my mum and Gemma already asleep in bed, whenever my dad came into my room while I got undressed. That w-was the first night he . . . “ Harry shut his eyes, tears streaming down his almost translucent cheeks from how pale he had become, but Louis continued to wipe them away. Taking in a deep breath, he started once again. “That was the first night that bastard raped me. And it hurt, Louis, it hurt so fucking much.” Harry cried, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth while squeezing his eyes shut, shaking his head. “Mum and Gemma, in the rooms next to me, were completely oblivious to the fact that my own fucking father was having his way with me.”

Louis felt angry towards Harry’s father, just by what he was being told but he couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for Harry, and for him to be telling this to Louis. But, then he felt pity for his boyfriend because no one should have to go through that, especially not someone as lovely and perfect as Harry is. Louis pulled Harry into a bone-crushing hug, and the other hugged back with a just as tight of grip.

“Shh, it’s okay, Harry. It’s alright.” Louis cooed softly into Harry’s ear.

“No, it’s not fucking okay!” Harry snapped, pushing Louis away from him all while clambering off of the bed. Louis was clearly taken aback by the action, staring wide-eyed at Harry who was running his fingers through his hair, tugging on it with force. “You don’t understand what it was like,” he whispered after composing himself, knotting his fingers together. “Awhile after that first night, my mum was fed up with my father who had started to hit me in front of her, which was something she would not put up with. She told me once that she would take the slaps and the hits, but wouldn't have my dad lay a finger on my sister or I. M-my parents got a divorce but my father insisted that I come and stay over with him on weekend, sometimes during the weekdays. It took a hell of a lot of convincing from him towards my mum for that, and he forced me to tell her that I wanted to go over. But every single fucking time I went over, he did it again. And sometimes he even brought over his poker buddies, and they took their turns with me. Do you know how fucking scared I was, Louis? Do you?!”

“No.” Louis squeaked out, because he doesn’t, he would never be able to understand it all, or know what Harry went through.

“No, you don’t!” Harry fumed, walking towards Louis so they were face to face and Louis was cowering underneath him. “You will never understand the Goddamn pain I went through, or the fucking trauma it caused me.” Harry pressed his finger onto Louis' chest, but the thing that caused Harry to back away was the emotion that was flaming in Louis’ eyes, fear. Louis had had the same look of fear that Harry knows all too well. He had put that kind of fear into his own boyfriend.

Harry’s back hit the wall and he slowly slid down it, wrapping his arms around his knees, body shaking from his sobs. “I’m sorry.”

Cautiously, Louis got up and made his way towards Harry, dropping down to his knees in front of him. Louis held Harry in his arms until it was near daylight outside, the only sounds were sniffles from the two boys and birds chirping outside. They were curled together on the floor, tangled limbs and feather-like kisses being exchanged every few minutes. Every so often, Harry would tighten his grip slightly around Louis, scared that if he loosened it, even a tiny bit, Louis would disappear. Harry broke the silence by whispering, “please don’t hate me.”

Louis’ lips twitched ever so slightly, brushing some of Harry’s curls from his forehead. “I would never hate you. You’re my HazzaBear.”

“And you’re my LouBear.”


	14. I'm So Addicted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare for the coming of smut. :) xo

Tap.

Louis turned over in his bed, pulling the covers more over himself.

Tap tap tap.

Letting out a sigh, Louis blinked his eyes open, “come in,” he called quietly while sitting up straight, running his fingers through his hair. His bedroom door didn’t open, but soft tapping continued so he threw the blankets off of himself and placed his feet on the carpet, walking to the door and swinging it open. “Wha-” He stopped himself mid-sentence, seeing no one there.

One loud tap sounded and Louis turned towards his window, eyes widening as he slowly shut his door. Grabbing a pencil from his desk, he tiptoed over to the window and peeked open the side of one curtain, sighing deeply when seeing Harry on the grass below. He pulled the black curtains to the side of its rod before opening up the window with a laugh. “Harry, what are you doing here? It’s 2 in the morning!” He seethed, trying to keep his voice quiet in case one of his family members woke up and heard.

Harry rolled his eyes and shook his head, taking a few steps back. “Just move over so I can come up.”

Doing as told, Louis moved to the side and watched as Harry climbed the side of a tree in the front of the house before leaping over onto the slanted roof. “Incoming . . . man, has your window gotten smaller?” Harry smirked while sliding himself through the window.

“Shut it, you’re the one who threw pebbles at my window at 2 in the damn morning.” Louis huffed with his arms crossed, watching as Harry sat on the desk that was in front of the window.

“What? Didn’t think it was romantic enough? Well excuse me for trying to spend time with my boyfriend before I leave later today.”

Harry had told Louis that he and his mother were going to be visiting the states, where his sister Gemma lives, for 2 weeks. Louis wasn’t too keen on the idea because he’d be left alone, but Harry was excited to go so Louis didn’t act like a grump about it.

He gave Harry a smile and wrapped his arms around Harry’s torso, “it was romantic enough.”

“Good,” Harry whispered, closing the distance between them by pulling Louis between his legs - since he was still sitting on the desk - and crashing their lips together. They kissed with so much passion and love, it made Louis weak in the knees.

Pulling away from the kiss, Louis whimpered but Harry shook his head, pressing his lips onto his neck. “You can’t make any sound, babe.” He mumbled, sliding himself off of the table to he was standing right in front of Louis. “You know what I want to do?”

Louis shook his head.

Harry smirked, turning Louis around and then pressing his front against one of the walls. “I want to take you, right here, right now. I want to take you so hard that every single time you sit down while I’m gone, you know I’ve left my mark.”

“Oh Lord.”

~ * ~

Louis pressed his hands against the wall, shutting his eyes whenever he felt his shirt being lifted up slowly from behind. “You have the prettiest skin,” Harry sighed against his back, trailing kisses up and down his spine, then letting his tongue slide a stripe up his spine--making Louis involuntarily get goosebumps.

“You have the prettiest everything.” Harry spoke before telling Louis to lift up his arms - to which Louis happily obliged - and pulling off his shirt. Harry let his hands slide down Louis’ chest, down to his abdomen then to the hem of his boxers, fiddling with them teasingly. “It’s not nice to tease, you know.” The shorter boy breathed out, sliding his lip roughly through his teeth as he felt Harry agonizingly slowly slipping down his boxers. “I told you, you’re going to remember this night while I’m away.”

With a smirk lingering on his lips, Harry pressed onto Louis’ bare back and placed soft kisses on his shoulder. “So beautiful,” he muttered, fumbling impatiently with his own jeans while Louis let out a whine. “Uh uh uh. No sound.” Harry stepped out of his jeans and discarded them into Louis’ own pile of clothes, then slipping off his own boxers along with his shirt. “So, Louis,” Harry stepped back up behind Louis, pressing his stark naked self against him which made Louis bit his lip to hold back a moan, “do you want me to take here?”

Louis nodded quickly, feeling his length growing painfully hard by the minute.

“Please,” Louis whispered - quite desperately - as he felt Harry’s hardening erection pressing on the small of his back. “I’m going to fuck you so hard . . . you won’t be able to walk for a week.” Harry mumbled into Louis’ ear, sucking roughly on the skin behind it. Louis knew this whole ‘no sound because we’ll wake up my family’ thing was harder than it seemed.

Much, much harder.

And Louis had to admit to himself, that fucking Harry, instead of making love, was so damn hot.

“Fuck.” Harry growled on Louis’ neck, sucking on it roughly to try and hold back his grunts as he thrust into Louis roughly from behind. It wasn’t easy for Louis either, so he turned his head to the side and mumbled Harry’s name quietly. Their lips were instantly pressed together in a lusting frenzy, Louis having trouble keeping himself propped up on the wall with just one hand, because the other was holding the side of Harry’s face. So, Harry kept gripping Louis’ waist with one hand, pressing the other on the top of Louis’ and interlocking their fingers.

“H-Harry. I’m close.”

“C’mon, baby. I know you want to come for me.” Harry whispered into his ear, tantalizing Louis by biting down on his earlobe, resulting in a whimper from Louis because fuck it felt good.

And that’s exactly what Louis did, tightly curling his lips inward to hold in a moan.

Harry felt himself reaching his high and bit on Louis’ shoulder to stop from screaming out his boyfriend’s name. His thrusts got sloppy as he rode out his high, sweaty curls resting on his forehead.

But the night was far from over.

Harry slid his softening length out of Louis, both of them sighing at the loss of intimate contact, but Harry quickly pulled Louis over to the bed. “On your back.” Harry commanded, Louis did as told.

“Hi,” Louis whispered once Harry positioned himself over Louis, resting on his arms so he didn’t crush the smaller with his body weight. They both stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds before Harry’s lips started to twitch up into a smile. How cute, he thought while leaning down and capturing Louis’ lips. “Hi yourself,” Harry chuckled before sliding himself into Louis, who gasped at the contact because he was already sore. Did he care?

Not at all.

All Louis cared about at that moment was the beautiful boy hovering over him, thrusting into him at a speed that should be consider illegal, with beads of sweat rolling down his toned body. And in that moment, Louis knew that Harry was the one for him--forever and always.

“I love you.” Louis blurted out with widened eyes, feeling Harry stop moving his hips to stare down at him.

Harry didn’t need to answer with words, because as he leaned down and gave an open mouth kiss to Louis, they could almost feel the love that surged through it.

Gathering Louis in his arms, Harry sat up, turned around then sat down on his bum while leaning against the wall behind Louis’ bed, Louis now in his lap.

“H-Harry,” Louis said quietly, feeling embarrassed simply for the fact that he didn’t know what to do.

“It’s alright, baby. Just move your hips, okay?” Harry rest his hands gently on Louis’ hips, massaging circles into the smooth skin.

Louis nodded, knocking their foreheads together as he cautiously started to roll his hips, fluttering his eyes closed. He heard Harry let out a small laugh so he stopped his movements. “You’re as light as a feather, love, you aren’t going to hurt me.” Harry smiled lovingly at him.

The rest of the early morning, literally, the two lovers spent whispering sweet nothings into each others ear and making love--with the occasional roughness. And as Harry pulled his clothes, he wrote a quick note to Louis and lay it on the bed beside the sleeping boy. “I love you so much,” he whispered, placing a quick kiss to Louis’ forehead before sneaking out of the window, and making his way home at 6 in the morning.


	15. Long Distance Phone Call

“Make sure to get your bags out of the trunk!” Karen, Liam’s mother, called out to her son as he stepped out of the car. “Mum, I know.” Liam chuckled, going around to the back of the car and opening the trunk, pulling out the few bags before slamming the trunk door shut. “I love you!” He called out to her before making his way up the rest of the driveway and to the front door.

Here goes nothing, Liam thought as he set down his bags and tapped his knuckles on the front door with a bit of force.

Listening to a bit of bickering going on inside, Liam let out a chuckle and shook his head. He listened to it go on for a few seconds more before the door flew open and there stood a grumpy looking Louis. “Hello-Liam?!” Louis screeched, jumping into his best friend’s arms with such force that it almost knocked the boy down. Liam smiled and hugged his shorter friend, shaking him slightly, “Hey, boo bear.”

“What - what are you doing here?” Louis smiled widely as he touched his feet back on the ground, holding Liam’s muscled biceps at an arms length to get a full look at him. “Have you grown? My God, you’re almost as tall as my tree of a boyfriend. And--” Louis gasped, placing his hands on Liam’s toned chest, patting down to his torso then back up. “Hot damn, you’re defined and your hair . . . you shaved it!” Louis squealed before pulling the other boy back into his arms.

Liam laughed and shook his head, nuzzling his head into Louis’ shoulder with a smile etched onto his lips. “I take it that you like it?” He asked while pulling from the hug, wiggling his eyebrows which caused Louis to grin and nod his head. 

“Come in, come in - mother! Girls! Liam is here!” Louis called out excitedly as he pushed Liam into the house and grabbed the bags from the ground. “In you go,” Louis smiled widely while pushing Liam inside a little further before bumping his hip on the door to shut it. 

Suddenly, four squealing girls came running down the stairs tackling the expecting Liam in a tight embrace. All of them asking questions excitedly that Liam couldn’t make out the things they all said at once. “I missed you dumplings!” Liam smiled and wrapped his arms around all four of the girls. Jay walked out of the kitchen with a laugh, shaking her head. “Now, girls, don’t suffocate poor Liam. It’s wonderful to see you again, Liam! Glad you could make it.”

Louis had already carried Liam’s bags upstairs and into his room, before making his way back downstairs. “Want to go up to my room, Li?”

“Of course. It was nice seeing you all again! I’ll spend some time with you later, alright?” All of the girls nodded while Liam wiggled his fingers to them before following Louis up to his bedroom. 

“In almost 5 months time,” Liam started while taking a seat on the edge of Louis’ bed before falling back onto the crumpled comforter, “your room hasn’t changed a bit. A bit more dusty . . .” Liam smirked whenever Louis gave him the finger before taking a seat beside him, but wincing in pain and quickly standing again.

Liam looked up to him in concern while sitting up slowly. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, fine.” Louis said breathlessly while cautiously sitting down on the bed, and whenever he shifted to get comfortable, his eyes squinted shut. It wasn’t very convincing to Liam. “Come on, Louis, what’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

“Just a wee bit.”

“Why?”

Louis could feel the warmth rising up from his toes to his face as he hung his head in shame, trying to hide the smile that was lingering on his lips--mind reeling with visuals from nights before, the night he had spent with Harry. 

“Do you need me to get your m-”

“No! I mean . . .” Louis covered his eyes while falling onto his back on his bed, letting out a sigh. “It’s not that serious. I’m just sore.”

“Sore . . .” Liam pondered on his best friend’s words for a few seconds before his jaw dropped, staring over at Louis who still had his hands covering his face--clearly embarrassed. “Oh my God! You mean . . . Harry and you, and you . . .!” He laughed, slapping his knee while falling right beside Louis.

Louis whined and slapped Liam’s arm, pulling his comforter over himself to hide his face. But Liam would have none of it, and leaned over Louis, tugging at the cover. “Louis,” Liam said in a sing song voice while pulling the cover from the other’s face, revealing a pouting Louis. “Did you and Harry have sex?”

“Maybe,” Louis mumbled, looking up to meet Liam’s eyes before a wide smile broke out on his face. “Okay, yes, and we have been doing it for awhile. But a few nights ago he snuck through my window before he left for the states later that morning and said that he wanted me to remember him while he was gone for two weeks and,” Louis paused from his rambling to take in a deep breath, before continuing on. “He said something along the lines of not letting me walk properly for days and hell, the first morning I could barely take a step without flinching.” 

Through Louis’ rambling, Liam listened intently with a smirk, holding back from cracking jokes because his best friend is so happy, and so happy with Harry. And beside, Liam was going to be there for a whole week, he could make jokes later. But, he just couldn’t resist commenting on Louis’ story. “My best friend has grown up so much since I’ve left . . . he’s a power bottom now.” Liam wiped a non existent tear away. 

Letting out a groan, Louis smacked Liam upside the head with a laugh. “Shut it, Liam. But off the topic of my sexual life with Harry, why are you here? Like . . . you moved and what not.”

“Your mum called my mum, and explained that you were going to be pretty lonely since Harry left off to the states. And we hadn’t seen each other in awhile, they thought it would be good for the both of us. My mum offered to drive me up here and I couldn’t decline the chance to see my best friend!”

“I’m glad you haven’t replaced me.”

Liam smiled and let his body fall down on the top of Louis’, shaking his head, “I could never forget about you. Even whenever I graduate and move away from where I live now, for college . . . you’ll always be my best friend.”

He smiled at the words and didn’t mind half of Liam and his body weight on him, he just snuggled into the comforting warmth. “I didn’t think that I would be able to get by whenever you left, honestly. You were my rock and the only one who honestly understood me. But Harry came along right before you left and changed my whole perspective on everything, I don’t know where I’d be right now without him, Li. I love him.”

“You love him, hm?” Liam rolled off of Louis and laid on his back, placing his arms beside his head while looking up at the ceiling. “I’m glad that he’s been good to you while I’ve been gone, Louis. Speaking of relationships . . .”

“Oh my God, you have a girlfriend?!” Louis felt - and partially sounded - like a teenage girl who just received concert tickets to her favorite band, but he didn’t care. His best friend could have a girlfriend! “Who is she? What’s her name? How old is she? Is she-”

Liam cut off Louis’ rambling by cupping a hand over his mouth, smirking slightly. “Her name is Danielle and she’s 17, a year younger than I am.” He took his hand away but held it up whenever Louis started to speak. “And we have been dating for 2 months.” Liam said, answering Louis’ silent question.

“Happen to have a picture of her?”

“ ‘Course, mate.” Liam pulled his cellphone from his jean pocket and unlocked his white iPhone 4, going into his pictures and finding a most recent one. “This is a picture of her last week. Isn’t she lovely?” Liam sighed happily.

Louis stared at him with a grin. “You seem to really like her.”

“I do!”

Whenever Louis started to speak once more, his phone starting ringing on his bedside table. 

“Okay now he was close, tried to domesticate you

But you’re an ani-”

Louis reached over and grabbed his cellphone, not caring to look at the caller I.D. while he answered. “Hello?”

“Hey, baby.”

A smile lit up Louis’ face as he blushed, scratching the back of his neck. “Hi, Harry.”

Liam looked at him with a smug grin, rolling his eyes while standing up and pointing his thumb towards the bedroom door. “I’ll be downstairs conversing with your parents,” he said before giving Louis a wink and making his way from the room.

“Who’s that?” Harry asked on the other line as Louis shifted on his bed. “Liam, my best friend that moved away, remember? He came to visit!”

Up in the states, in California, Harry was sitting on the edge of a hotel bed with a smile on his face. “That’s great, love. I’m glad you have someone to keep you company while I’m gone.” 

“Yeah, but I still miss you.”

“I miss you too, Lou.” Harry said softly, using his free hand to pull a loose string off of his shirt. “I’ll be home soon, baby. 11 days then you’ll be back in my arms again.”

“11 days too long. But . . . I don’t want to down your trip, so change of subject. How is it in America so far?”

Harry lay back on the bed, letting out a sigh of happiness. “It’s wonderful here. Los Angeles . . . absolutely beautiful, such a change of scenery and the people here are much more different from the people up in England. Some are pricks but others are fantastic. They’re food is in larger portions and more greasier but damn it’s good.”

“Sounds lovely, you better be taking tons of pictures!”

“You sound just like my mum, oh, and before she fell asleep she said to tell you hi.”

“Tell her I said ‘hi’ back whenever she wakes up.”

The conversation between the two boys lasted for about 15 minutes, and whenever Harry started to yawn, Louis let a giggle escape his lips. “Tired, are we, babe?”

“It’s 1 o’clock in the morning over here, and I’ve been out and about with Gemma all day so yes, I am tired.”

“8 hour time difference, I forgot. Why don’t you go to sleep? I have to be getting off soon anyway, for dinner.”

Harry slipped off his shirt and climbed under the covers, already being in pajama pants, and rest the side of his head on the pillow. The light from the small television in the room, that hadn’t many channels, overtook the dark and shadowed walls--Harry found content in it for some odd reason. “I don’t want to disconnect, I love hearing your voice.” He whispered, tracing mindless patterns on the cream colored sheets underneath him. 

“We’ll talk again later, yeah? Just sleep right now.” Louis spoke quietly through the phone.

“I love you.”

“And I love you.”

With that, the two hung up; Harry was left clutching his phone in his hand as he tried to sleep, and Louis gave a smile towards his phone before walking downstairs to gather with his family and Liam for supper.


	16. Unfaithful

**

_“So, you’re a faggot, huh?”_

_“P-please, father. Is it so wrong to . . . l-like boys?” 13 year old Harry whimpered, pulling his knees up to his chest and watching in fear as his father shut and locked the door behind him._

_“It is whenever you’re a boy yourself! What in the hell were you thinking?” Des fumed, walking over to the end of Harry’s bed and starting to unbuckle his belt._

_Harry’s eyes widened as he looked up into the mossy green eyes that are his father’s, shaking his head while pressing himself back against the wall. “What are you doing? Please . . . what are you doing?” He breathed out, blinking away the tears that formed in his eyes. They slipped out and the warm liquid slid down his pale cheeks._

_“You think you’re so great, yeah? Being a fag is absolutely disgusting.” Des spat out while sliding his belt from the loops in his jeans. “And you’re a fag, so you’re going to have to learn a lesson.”_

_Teenage Harry was mortified, watching as his father crawled onto the bed and pushed him onto his stomach with a rough force. He clenched his eyes shut, hoping it was all a dream as Harry felt his father yanking down his Cookie Monster pajama pants from behind. “Da-dad, no, don’t. Please . . . stop it, please.” Harry cried into his pillow when his plain white boxers were slipped down his legs._

_“You’re a cock-sucker, Harold, you should enjoy this.”_

**

Harry jerked up in his hotel bed, feeling beads of sweat rolling down his forehead as he tried to calm his erratic breathing. He looked around the hotel room, seeing his mother on the other queen bed, sleeping peacefully, completely unaware of her only son’s nightmare. 

He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, causing the sweat to cling on his hand, so he wiped it on the creme colored sheets. Sliding out of bed, Harry placed his bare feet on the floor, sighing as he felt the rough carpet beneath him. After making his way into the bathroom and shutting the door, Harry looked at himself in the mirror, raking his fingers through his unruly mess of curls. 

Who could he talk to at 11 at night?

His mother? No. His sister? She’s at home, asleep. Zayn? Never. Louis . . .

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

It went straight to the voice mail that Louis never set up.

Harry threw his phone on the bed before making his way back into the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face. He had forgotten about the time different, and back where Louis is, it’s only 7 am. He’d still be sleeping. 

So, Harry did what any abnormal, stressed out teenager would do.

He snuck out of the hotel room, key card in one jean pocket and his cellphone in the other, heading downtown to a club called ‘The Viper Room’.

~ * ~

Music blared throughout the club, sweaty bodies closing in on one another’s as Harry made his way through the dancing crowd, trying to ignore the overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke that lingered all around him.

Harry finally reached the bar, sighing in relief as he did so. He was just glad that before Harry left, Zayn made him a fake I.D. to give to the bouncers outside of the club. All Harry needed was a drink. Just one.

But the plan of only having one alcoholic beverage didn’t last long, because the bartender who had blond hair and oceanic blue eyes, offered Harry drinks on the house.

And Harry accepted them gladly.

After five too many drinks, Harry found himself in the middle of the dancing, hormonal bodies. His hips swayed sensually against that of another man’s and he let out a groan whenever feeling his jeans getting tighter by the second. 

“Don’t drop that thun thun.

Don’t drop that thun thun.”

Harry let out a breathless giggle when feeling a pair of lips on his neck, sucking roughly at the smooth skin to try and break it. “How about we take this back to my place?” The voice whispered in his ear.

Being drunk, Harry’s mind was clouded with one thing that he wanted, and only one thing.

The decision he makes next, will possibly be the biggest regret of his life.

~ * ~

Harry shifted slightly, groaning as he felt a sharp pain in one of the more private regions of his body. He rubbed his eyes, letting out a loud yawn before trying to shift a bit more, but quickly stiffened when feeling an arm draped over his side.

Slowly and cautiously, Harry turned his aching head to the right, eyes widening whenever he saw a sleeping figure with blond hair right next to him. 

Naked.

“No, no, please God . . . no.” Harry whispered while slowly raising the sheet that was laid over him, biting his lip so roughly that it almost drew blood.

He was also naked.

“Shit. Fuck. Damn. No, no, no.” Harry scrambled out of the bed, ignoring the pain in his bum and the throbbing pain in his head. He saw the figure shift in the bed and a few seconds later, the movement stopped, quiet snores filling the room.

Harry pulled on his boxers, hopping around on one foot as he slid his jeans up. “C’mon,” he groaned, thanking the heavens as he finally got his jeans up and buttoned. He pulled on his shoes and slipped on his shirt, seeing his phone laying on the ground next to the bed. Quickly, Harry snatched it and made his way out of the bedroom and into an unfamiliar living room. The living room of the guy he shagged last night whenever he got piss drunk. 

The living room he had staggered through the night before, lip-locked with a guy other than Louis.

** 

_“I like your lips,” Harry giggled as the other guy led him through the the spacious flat, their lips pressing together in a drunken kiss every few seconds._

_“I like your everything.” The other guy breathed out while tugging on Harry’s hand and bringing him into the bedroom, not having the patience or the time to shut the door behind him._

**

Harry pulled out his phone as he walked out of the flat -or apartment, as they call them in America- unlocking it as he saw checked through what he had missed.

37 missed calls;

2 calls from a number he didn’t recognize.

3 calls from Gemma.

12 calls from Mum.

20 missed calls from Boyfriend<3.

Plus, he had many text messages, mostly consisting of ones from his mother and Louis, and 11 voice mails. Louis had left 6, his mum had left 4 and Gemma left 1.

“Harry, love, where are you? Did you leave to see Gemma before I got up? Let me know. I love you.”

“Gemma said you aren’t over, where are you Harry?”

“Answer this phone right now! Are you alright? Where are you?!”

“Please . . . Harry, baby, come back to the hotel or Gemma’s. We’re all worried about you . . .” In the last voice mail, he could tell that his mother had been crying. But then Harry stopped dead in his tracks whenever he reached outside of the apartment complex, listening to the rest of the last voice mail his mother had left. “Louis is hysterical, Harry. I’m afraid he’s even more worried than me. Jay called and told me he’s in a horrible condition over you. Call me back, please.”

And it wasn’t even 5 seconds after he listened to the voice mail, that he was ringing Louis’ phone.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ri-_

“H-Harry?” Louis’ broken voice spoke quietly, and Harry could tell the other boy on the other end of the line was trying hard to not cry. 

“Louis, baby, are you okay?”

“I should be asking your dumb ass the same question! You go missing from the hotel and don’t answer any of our calls or texts a-and I was . . . I was so worried.” Louis’ breathing became intense and irregular, so Harry calmed him with a few sweet mumbles.

“I love you so much, Louis. And I miss you.” Harry spoke as he wandered along the sidewalk, trying to find which way went back to the hotel he was staying at.

“Harry?”

Harry hummed in response, grinning from ear to ear as he saw the hotel down a few blocks, straight ahead. But the grin was quickly wiped from his face as quickly as it came, hearing Louis’ next words. 

“Next time you’re fucking another guy, make sure you don’t have your phone in your jeans so you don’t pocket-call your boyfriend, you prick.”

And with that, Harry was left with silence on the other line as he took his phone away from his ear, seeing that Louis had hung up--leaving Harry speechless.


	17. A Should To Cry On

“Louis, your mum brou-Louis . . .?” Liam walked into his best friend’s room, lowering the bag of McDonald’s he had gripped in his hand. He saw Louis pacing around the room, absentmindedly tugging at strands of his hair his breathing all but normal. “Are you . . . crying?”

Louis turned around to face Liam, his face red and eyes puffy, nodding as he opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a choked sob. He placed his hand on his mouth, shaking his head and facing away from the other.

“Come here,” Liam said quietly and set down the bag of food, walking slowly towards him and turning him slowly. In an instant, they were embraced in a tight hug as Louis let tears fall freely into Liam’s gray tank top.

It was silent in the room for a few minutes, aside from Louis’ sniffles and attempts to calm his crying. Liam led the broken boy over to the bed and set him down, but keeping him in a gentle embrace. “Now, Lou, you have to tell me what’s wrong. Or else I can’t help you . . . I’m not a mind reader, you know. Even if you won't tell me, I'll always be your shoulder to cry on.”

More silence.

Finally, after 5 minutes had passed, Louis shakily wipes his eyes. “It . . . Harry. He, uh,” Louis scratched the back of his neck, blinking away tears that were now sliding down his reddened cheeks. “He cheated on me.”

Liam fell into a silence but his grip tightened on Louis, staring off at one of the bedroom walls. “Harry cheated . . . on you.”

“Yeah, uh, yeah. He pocket-called me and I heard . . . s-some of it.” Louis sniffled, wiping furiously at the tears that kept slipping from his eyes.

But Liam had just thought it was a kiss, and he felt like he wanted to kill his best friend’s boyfriend just for that. Upon hearing Louis say he heard some of it, applying that Harry had had sex with someone else? That had Liam already planning out his death and where he was going to bury the curly haired bloke.

Louis raised his head to look at Liam, seeing his lips pursed together tightly and eyes narrowed, as he stared off into the distance. “L-Liam?” Louis whispered, snapping Liam out of his thoughts about how long he’d get in prison for manslaughter, and looking down to the other that was staring at him with widened, glossy eyes.

He saw that Louis was on the verge of tears again, so Liam pulled him closer. Not even a minute later, he felt the smaller boy’s body shaking while he sobbed. “Shh, it’s alright, Lou. He didn’t deserve someone as wonderful as you. You’re perfect, alright? It’s alright, shh.” Liam started to hum lightly into Louis’ ears as the cries got more vocal.

Louis wanted to scream. 

“I-I don’t know . . . w-what I did wrong.” Louis cried, fisting at Liam’s tank top to try and get as close to him as possible. “I tried to be the best b-boyfriend I could possibly be. What did I-I do wrong?” Louis stuttered while trying to compose himself and calm his crying, but he just started to gasp for air.

“Shit,” Liam said, quickly releasing Louis to get up and run downstairs into the kitchen, where Jay was flipping over a grilled cheese sandwich in a red skillet. “J-Jay, I need a bag. A paper bag.” He said quickly, causing Jay to raise an eyebrow as she turned off the stove and slid the sandwich onto a paper plate. “A paper bag? What for?”

As Liam started to speak, a screech came from upstairs. “Mummy!”

“Louis is hyperventilating!” Liam finally said.

Jay opened up a cabinet and grabbed a white paper bag, before rushing up the stairs, Liam following right behind. As they placed themselves in Louis’ room, Phoebe and Daisy were found clutching to their older brother as he sat in the floor, trying to catch a breath. “Mummy, help him.” Daisy whined, causing Phoebe to sniffle and nod along with her twin sister.

Liam handed over the bag to Jay as she crouched down and placed the paper bag to his lips, telling him to breath into it 10 times. Louis did so - even with much difficulty - and as he pushed the bag away, he coughed a few times before getting quiet. “Come on, girls, I made you lunch. Go downstairs and wait at the table, yeah?” Jay asked with a forced smile, watching as the twins nodded before hesitantly standing up and leaving the bedroom.

“What happened?” Jay asked quietly as Liam picked up Louis and lay him on the bed, watching as he rolled on his side and pulled the covers over himself. Liam sighed and slowly walked out of the room and into the hallway, leaning against it as Jay walked from the room.

“I don’t really know if it’s my place to tell . . .”

“Louis is my son and I deserve to know why he was hyperventilating. And don’t you dare tell me ‘nothing’.” She said firmly, but her features softened as Liam slid down the wall and ran his fingers through his short hair.

“Harry cheated on him and he got so worked up over crying that . . .” Liam stopped mid-sentence to stare at the ground, shaking his head as in disbelief. “I trusted Harry to take care of him, and Louis is so in love with him it’s not even funny. But then Harry pocket-dialed Louis, apparently, while . . . you know, uh, having sex with some guy.”

Liam raised his head up slowly, seeing that Louis’ mother was fuming. If she had been a cartoon character, then surely by now there would be steam blowing from her ears. Jay paced around the hallway, tousling her dark hair with a sigh and a shake of the head. “I’m going to murder Harry.”

“Let me do it. You have kids to take care of and Louis needs you now more than ever. The most I could probably get is 25 to life. No biggie.”

Jay stopped walking and looked down at Liam who was looking up at her with a weak grin. She smiled slightly and sighed deeply, resting her head against the wall. “I just never thought Harry was like that. Sure, at first, he seemed like a troublemaker whenever I found out Louis snuck out . . . but he’s a sweet kid. I can’t believe he’d hurt my baby like that!”

“Louis needs you, Jay, we can’t be focusing too much on Harry whenever Louis needs to mend his broken heart. I’ve never seen him so hurt, you could see it in his eyes. He’s . . . broken.”

“I’m scared that he’s going to get bad again.” Jay spoke up after a few minutes of silence, and Liam knew exactly what she meant.

"I think he already has."

~ * ~

Louis rolled over in his bed, onto his back to stare up at the white ceiling. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes so he quickly scrubbed them with his fists and sniffled. The door to his bedroom creaked open rather slowly so he lolled his head to the right, watching as Liam stepped into the room with a small smile placed upon his lips. “Hey, Lou, how are you feeling?”

“Like shit.”

Letting out a sigh, Liam nodded and crawled onto the bed beside Louis, laying down next to him. “I expected that. Do you want to talk about it, maybe? It helps to talk things out.”

“I just feel like sleeping for a few hours . . . or years, maybe. That sounds much nicer.”

“Louis,” Liam ran a hand down his face before turning over to face his best friend, who was continuing to stare at the ceiling with a blank expression.

“Sleep sounds nice right about now, because . . . it’s like being dead without the commitment, but maybe I want the commitment. I don’t know, I just have this feeling in my chest . . . it’s tight, and if it gets any tighter I feel like I might just suffocate. I've felt like I wanted to die before, you know that, but I would never act out on it. Right now . . . it scares me, because I haven't felt that way in a long time, since Harry came along.” Whenever Liam opened his mouth to speak, Louis continued on. “Whenever I heard the . . . m-moans on the phone, I had this overwhelming pain in my chest. My heart literally felt like it was breaking in half. Have you ever felt that before, Li? Because it fucking sucks.”

Suddenly, Louis’ phone started ringing which caused the two boys to shift curiously. Liam saw Louis not making any effort to pick it up, so he leaned over and grabbed it from the bedside table. His eyes widened whenever he saw the caller I.D.

‘Boyfriend:)’

Liam scrambled off of the bed and hit the green answer button, not bothering to give the dumbfounded Louis a second look before making his way out of the room.

“Louis? Oh thank God you answe-”

“What the hell do you want,  _Harry_?” Liam hissed out his name like it was venom on his tongue or some sort of deadly disease.

“Oh . .  you, you’re Liam, yeah. Uh.”

“Why are you calling Louis? He doesn’t need anymore heartbreak, you know.”

“I wanted to apologize-”

“No! You’ve caused him enough pain already, Harry. He’s a mess right now and it’s because of you and your stupid decision making.”

“Will you pl-”

“He hyperventilated, and you caused it! He has been crying so much-”

“Will please let me speak, damnit!” Harry breathed out, letting out a sigh whenever it was silent on the other end of the line. “Thank you.”

“Okay now talk.”


	18. Never Grow Up

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Harry kicked small pieces of loose gravel that were on the unpaved sidewalk. The air was breezy and warm as the curly haired lad took a walk to clear his mind. It had been days since that night when Harry was unfaithful, and his mother wasn’t too fond of him at the moment. Honestly, no one was, except for Gemma who comforted him whenever he went over to her house. She wasn’t necessarily picking sides, between her own brother and mother, she just knew Harry needed someone. His mother ignored him, only giving him simple ‘hello’s’ and slight glances, he knew she was truly disappointed in him. Also, she was enraged at the fact that he had used a fake I.D. to get into a bar and drink. So, he was on a very tight leash at the moment, he was glad that his mother even let him leave the hotel.

 

Harry closed his eyes as he let out a short breath, letting the sun’s warm rays shine down on his pale skin that had received a slight tan. He continued to walk after opening his eyes once more, focusing on nothing in particular. Trees, people, animals, his eyes travelled over to anything that caught his interest for a split second.

 

It got darker sooner than expected, which caused Harry to let out a sigh. He didn’t very well enjoy knowing that he was going to go back to the 4 star hotel he and his mother were staying at, just to be ignored by her.

 

“My, my, boy. Haven’t you grown? Been awhile, yeah?.”

 

Harry stopped in his tracks, eyes widening as he continued to stare straight forward, not even daring to turn around. But, eventually he did, something inside of him felt like it was eating him alive, and there he stood face to face with the man who haunts his mind almost every night.

 

“What? Can’t give your old man a hug?”

 

~ * ~

 

“Louis, what’s wrong?” Young Daisy asked as she crawled on top of her older brother’s lap with a bright smile. “LouLou!” She whined whenever Louis payed no attention to her, but continued to stare at his wall with a blank expression on his face.

 

He seemed to snap out of his daze whenever Daisy started to sniffle, and he looked over to her after blinking a few times, to see tears streaming down her reddened cheeks. “Daisy, what’s wrong, babe?” Louis asked gently, shifting to sit up and wrapping his arms around her small figure.

 

“Y-you don’t pay no attention to u-us no more! Me, Phoebe, L-Lottie, Fizzy, mummy and daddy. D-don’t you love us still?” She cried out, bundling up some of Louis’ plain white shirt in little fists. “I’m sorry for whatever we did. Please . . . don’t hate us.” She murmured, her sobs turning into little sniffles as Louis pulled her close, pressing frantic kisses all over her face and neck.

 

“Baby, no, no. I don’t hate you. I don’t hate any of you, alright?” Louis’ voice was dry and his throat felt constricted from not having talked that much in the past few days. “I’m sorry for acting the way I have. I just . . . I’m sad, honey.”

 

“Why are you sad? Do you have a boo boo? I’ll get you band aid like mummy does when I fall?”

 

“Not that kind of boo boo, Daisy. I have a boo boo, per say, on my heart..”

 

“So . . .” She pondered on something for a few minutes before smiling brightly through tears, “I’ll put a band aid on your chest over your heart! That’ll heal it, right? Yes, okay, band aid.” She crawled off of Louis’ lap and hopped down off of the bed, her small feet scurrying quickly out of the bedroom.

 

Louis looked down at his lap where Daisy had just been sitting, and he couldn’t help but let a small smile play on his lips as he remembered the first time his mother had brought the twins home from the hospital.

 

**

 

_“You all have to be quiet because the babies are sleeping, alright?” Mark hushed the three excited kids that were stood before him who were eager to see their new sisters. The new father gave the kids a smile before heading back out of the house, a minute later coming back carrying a car seat. “This is Phoebe . . .”_

 

_“And this is Daisy,” Jay spoke quietly behind her husband, watching as he stepped aside to show the kids the second bundle of joy wrapped up securely in a pink blanket, sleeping in a car seat._

 

_The siblings shared whispers and glances, gushing quietly over their 3 day old twin sisters. who were being lifted upstairs in their matching car seats._

 

_12 year old Louis was the one to follow his mother and stepfather, the other younger girls too preoccupied with giggling excitedly from the living room. He watched as his parents lay the small babies in their cribs that were set side by side, and as the couple left the room - after advising Louis to be quiet and let the girls sleep - Louis walked further inside and stood by the white cribs, both of which had their names painted finely in pink on the front and beautiful designs carved into the bars._

 

_He couldn’t help but stare in awe at the tiny babies before him, Phoebe was sound asleep, but Daisy was staring curiously up at the boy before her. She wiggled slightly, letting out a tiny yawn which made Louis’ heart swell with joy. Her small eyelids flutter closed and Louis reached his arm down into the crib, stroking 2 fingers on the smooth, delicate skin of hers._

 

_“I’m going to look after you both, okay? I promise you both that. I’ll be the best big brother ever.” Louis whispered, touching Daisy’s small hand, then watching as her tiny little fingers stretched outward before curling back around Louis’ index finger, giving it a grip._

 

_And in that moment, Louis knew that he couldn’t ever let anything happen to those precious girls. He was going to look after them, keep them out of harm’s way and love them unconditionally. From the moment he saw them, he vowed to keep them away from the danger’s of the world as much as he could. He wanted them to never grow and face the evil that some of the world had to offer._

 

**

 

Louis found himself in tears from the memory, turning his head at the pitter patter of not one, but two sets of feet going through the hallway. He watched as the twins appeared in his doorway, Phoebe was holding a Powerpuff Girl’s band aid in her hand. “Phoebe wants to help!” She declared before crawling up onto their brother’s bed, Daisy following her lead.

 

“Where does it hurt?” Phoebe asked, sitting on her knees and struggling with opening the wrapper of the band aid, but Daisy grabbed it from her hand and opened it slowly and carefully, just like she had seen her mummy do it many times before.

 

He smiled at their innocence, oh, if they only knew that a simple band aid wasn’t going to fix the pain he felt in his chest, in his  _heart_.

 

But, nevertheless, Louis tugged down at the collar of his shirt until the left side of his chest was showing. “Right . . . here,” he guided Phoebe’s small hand onto his chest, over where his heart was thumping a calm pace. He let her press it to the skin, and Daisy pressed against it gently with her left hand, saying “you have to make it stay on there good or else he won’t get fixed!”

 

The innocence aura that surrounded them temporarily made the pain in his chest go away. He felt calm and at peace for the time being, as he released the grip he had on his shirt, before pulling the two small girls into his arms. “I never want you two to grow up. Can you stay little forever?”

 

“I never want to grow up! Like . . . like Peter Pan! I want to be like him, and I never wanna grow up because why should I?” Daisy nuzzled her head into Louis’ neck, puffing out small, hot breaths onto the skin. “Being a grown up sounds boring,” Phoebe added in while looking up at the ceiling.

 

As Liam walked through the front door downstairs, greeting Jay with a nod and a smile before heading upstairs, he expected to find his best friend sulking and looking heartbroken. But what he found was the exact opposite.

 

Liam walked into the slightly opened door of Louis’ room, not being able to contain the smile that broke out on his face. The sight in front of him made his heart warm. Louis was on his hands and knees, hovering above the two young girls who were squealing beneath him. His fingers wiggling around their little bodies as they laughed and giggled, trying to pry away from the ‘tickle attack from the cookie monster’. But the thing that really made Liam feel delight was the real, genuine smile that was plastered on Louis’ lips. He looked truly happy for the first time in almost a week.


	19. Somewhere Only We Know

“Go fish.”

“Damnit!”

“Louis, language!”

Louis ducked his head shyly, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “Sorry, mum.” He said quietly, lifting up his head to see Liam sticking his tongue out at him. The two best friends were sitting on the floor, on either side of the mahogany coffee table, playing a card came for 10 year old's.

“Play again?”

“I am so beating your arse this time.”

“Louis!” Jay scolded from the kitchen with a sigh, shaking her head as she carried a colorful plastic tray into the living room, with varieties of snacks on it. It consisted of boneless buffalo bites - the only type Louis would eat -, bags of crisps and mini sandwiches. She also had placed two cans of Coke on it. “Need anything else while I’m up?” Jay asked as she set the tray to the right of the coffee table, making sure she wasn’t getting in the way of Liam passing the right amount of cards to Louis.

The boys shook their head and Jay looked down at her son, who was sitting criss-cross applesauce on the floor, concentrating hard on his cards. He had his black framed glasses on and his hair was messily dishevelled. He looked genuinely happy.

It had been two weeks since the whole ‘Harry cheated on Louis with some stranger’ situation and it had taken a bit, but Louis was starting to get better. His heart was mending, slowly but surely, and he was becoming the old Louis. The fun loving Louis, who had an obsession with getting new records for his record player and making sure he didn’t miss each week's’ new showing of  _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit_.

But Louis had yet to face the cause of his heart break.

~ * ~

Harry sat atop the grassy green hill, knees pulled up close to his chest as his arms were wrapped loosely around his legs. He stared out at the beautiful city lights that the moon shone its light down onto, the stars giving off an occasional twinkle in the dark night sky. He had been back in London for a few days and had came to the spot where he had first taken Louis after he snuck out the second time. They had came there many more times after that, and even once made sweet passionate love under the starry night sky on a blanket, giggling like a couple of schoolgirls who were whispering secrets to each other about their new crush. Or in their case, Harry whispering sweet nothings into Louis ear as he hovered above him, body glistening in sweat in the moonlight as he thrust gently into Louis.

That was a night that was constantly stuck in Harry’s mind, and undoubtedly, Louis’.

It wasn’t the sex or love making that Harry missed, or Louis in his full glory--writhing in pleasure underneath him, no, it wasn’t any of those things. It was the simple things, and the little details Harry took notice of. Like how whenever Louis concentrates very hard on something, his tongue pokes out of the side of mouth. The dark brown freckle, or birth mark, that was in his inner left thigh--to which Harry always placed a kissed on when going down on him. It was the little things that made Harry fall even deeper in love with Louis.

But Harry made a stupid decision that had probably changed his life forever.

Harry wants to go back to the night that he had first took Louis to this hill. He still smiles at the memory.

**

_“Wow,” Louis breathed out, looking out at the beautiful sight before him. They were parked on a hill that overlooked the whole city, the lights bright and Louis was in awe. “This is gorgeous.”_

_Harry had now climbed out of the car, walking up slowly behind Louis and pulling him in close. “I thought you might like. It’s secluded, also. So we have it all to ourselves.”_

_Louis had a bright smile plastered on his lips as he turned around in Harry’s arms, “all alone?”_

_“All alone,” Harry repeated, using two fingers to slowly push some hair off of Louis’ forehead. “And we can come here anytime you’d like.”_

_“Promise?"_

_“I promise.”_

_“Pinky promise!”_

_“Alright, alright.” Harry smiled and stuck his pinky out, linking it with Louis’ own. “I pinky promise.” He then gripped on Louis’ waist and lifted him up which made Louis start a giggling fit. “Put me down!”_

**

Just thinking about it made Harry’s heart twist and turn like a grinding gear. Would he ever be able to make more memories like that with Louis? Would he be able to touch the blue eyed lad again, in simple and intimate ways? Would he ever get the chance to express his love towards Louis with words and gestures, and make it all up to him?

 _No_ , Harry thought,  _Louis hates me and he’ll never want to be with me_.

Fate knew otherwise.

~ * ~

It was late on a Friday night that Louis stepped into his room and saw that Liam was stuffing his belongings carelessly into his suitcase. It made him chuckle and shake his head, Liam had always been like that. If he was packing to go somewhere, he’d make the bag slightly neat and organized. Re-packing to leave somewhere? That was a whole different story. He’d throw his stuff carelessly into the bag or suitcase, stuff it down and zip it up.

“Hey, almost packed?”

Liam nodded as he struggled to get his suitcase zipped, because of the mound of clothes and other hygienic things. “I’m just having trouble closing this suitcase. Can you come and sit on it for me?”

Louis obliged as he walked over and crawled onto his bed, before plopping down on the suitcase. A few grunts and tugs later, Liam had the suitcase zipped securely, as he sat down next to it with a smile up at Louis. “I’m going to miss you, Lou. We’ll see each other during holiday, yeah?”

“I hope so. You know how my mum is with having to spend holidays with the family. But you are considered a part of the family so I don’t think she’d mind if I came up and visited for a few days.”

“It’s going to suck leaving here, you know? I miss it so much, my friends here . . . but the move we did is going so well, I love it there.”

“Sometime or another I need to go up there to see what is so great about that place. And I need to meet this lovely Danielle that you talk about all of the time.”

“Can do.”

It wasn’t until later that night, and everyone, including Liam was sound asleep without a care in the world. But Louis was sat up against his headboard, all sorts of thoughts swirling through his mind. Liam was leaving tomorrow, and then he’d be friendless once again. He wouldn’t have Harry, and he just wasn’t one to talk to his parents about his problems.

He felt like he was being engulfed in darkness.

And it was suffocating him.

With quiet steps out of his room, down the hall and down the stairs, Louis snatched his car keys from the key holder that was hung up by the front door, and went on his way.

Tears were in Louis’ eyes as he drove closer to the place where he went sometimes to get away from everything--to collect his thoughts and think things over.

Louis slowed down as he pulled onto the hill, seeing another car there which made him furrow his eyebrows. No one knew about this place . . . it was kind of like a secret place, or that's what he considered it. It was his and Harry's spot, only theirs. Somewhere only they knew, and Louis wanted desperately to keep it that way. But the car sure did look familiar. His head lights were dimmed but he could still make out the figure of someone turning to face where the lights were coming from. He pulled up next to the other car and shut off the engine, slowly getting out of his car.

Instantly, his breath caught in his throat as he got a better sight of who was sitting on the hill.

“H-Harry?”


	20. I Hate That I Love You

_Louis slowed down as he pulled onto the hill, seeing another car there which made him furrow his eyebrows. No one knew about this place . . . it was kind of like a secret place, or that's what he considered it. It was his and Harry's spot, only theirs. Somewhere only they knew, and Louis wanted desperately to keep it that way. But the car sure did look familiar. His head lights were dimmed but he could still make out the figure of someone turning to face where the lights were coming from. He pulled up next to the other car and shut off the engine, slowly getting out of his car._

_Instantly, his breath caught in his throat as he got a better sight of who was sitting on the hill._

_“H-Harry?”_

The silence in the air was suffocating between the two ex lovers, minutes felt like years as they stood their place feet away from each other, not uttering a word. Sounds of chirping crickets were heard from a distance, and a ways way down the hill were cars passing through the city, on a journey to wherever. Harry was the first to make a move, however, taking a hesitant step in Louis’ direction. His heart felt like it was breaking in two whenever Louis took a step backwards. 

“Louis, just let me explain, please.” Harry’s voice cracked as he finished speaking, letting out a quiet whimper that went unheard by Louis. Whenever Louis didn’t speak up, Harry let out a shaky breath while running his fingers through his unruly curls that seemed like they needed a good comb-through. “I just- _fuck_ , Louis. I was stupid. I was a stupid and inconsiderate screw up. My mind was clouded that night and just . . . shit. Maybe if I would have dealt with my problems like a man instead of going out and getting drunk to forget it all, we wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.”

Louis shifted on his feet, dropping his head down so his eyes were casted on the crisp green grass which, even in the moonlight, looked brighter than ever. He opened his mouth to speak, to let out all of the anger and just scream and shout at the boy who broke his heart, yet nothing but a breath of hot air came out. Why, Louis thought, at this time can I not find my voice? Maybe it was because of the pure shock of just seeing Harry there, or the overwhelming feeling of sadness that had washed over him just then. Or maybe it was knowing that this boy in his presence, his lover, had - to bluntly state it - fucked someone else other than him. 

What made this situation even more saddening, was that Louis felt empty. That was the only way to explain the feeling of having a hole in the middle of his stomach, in his  _heart_. Louis had hoped that whenever he confronted Harry - which he didn’t think it was going to be so soon - he would get out all of the words he had gathered in his mind. The words he needed to say and get off of his chest that were eating him alive. But now, here he was, feet away from the one and only Harry Edward Styles, and he couldn’t seem to mutter a word.

I should’ve known, Louis thought as he felt a tear sliding slowly down his cheek, that he’d hurt me just like everyone else. Like Mikey and his friends, like Jonah from primary school who promised they’d been best friends forever and ever. Like all of the people who had snaked their way into Louis’ life, but ended up leaving sooner or later without so much as a reason or explanation, or hurt him physically and emotionally. The ones who pushed him down, the ones who made him feel worthless and like a piece of shit. The ones who had made him question what he did wrong. The ones that made Louis wonder why he could never be good enough.

Because at the moment, Louis knew he needed to speak. Something, anything.

And so he did.

“Was I never good enough for you?” He asked brokenly, raising his head to stare at Harry who was already looking straight at him. 

Harry opened his mouth to speak, but the words that were spoken next hadn’t came from his own mouth, but Louis’.

“I tried to be the best boyfriend that I could, you know? I tried to make you happy and keep you satisfied. Fuck, Harry, I gave myself to you but it was never good enough, was it? I was never good enough for you."

Parted lips opened then closed once more, it happened multiple times before Harry started shaking his head in disbelief. “N-no. What? Louis, no, fuck, you’re perfect. You’re everything I could ever want. Don’t-don’t ever think that way. I fucking love you!” 

“If you love me so much you wouldn’t have cheated on me!” Louis yelled, his breathing deep and heavy, tears now freely pouring from his eyes and cascading down his cheeks. He could taste the saltiness of the tears as they rolled down his parted lips where he was letting out heavy breaths, but he didn’t care. It felt good to yell, and for him to let out the tears he had been bottling up for a few days. It felt amazing to let out all of the feelings that he had been holding back. “I hate you.”

As soon as those words left Louis’ lips, Harry froze on the spot and he clenched and unclenched his fists. Those words. Those three words that felt like they were tearing him apart and ripping his heart to shreds, like a paper going through a shredding machine. 

“I want to hate you so fucking much, Harry, do you know that? I want to hate you for what you did to me. I want to hate your fucking curls and your dimples and your eyes. The way you hate strawberry ice cream but make an exception for neopolitan. Your love for every video game except Halo which I will never understand. I want to hate every Goddamn thing about you, but worst of all? I want to hate you for everything you’ve put me through. You have some sort of fucking spell on me and I want to hate that, but no matter how hard I try to hate you, I can’t. I could never hate you, despite your stupid decisions. Because I love you, damnit. I hate that I love you.”

It was like a huge weight got lifted off of Louis’ chest whenever he angrily explained to Harry how much he wanted to hate him, but couldn’t. But now, with tears streaming down his cheeks and breaths coming out in pants, Louis wants nothing more than to curl up in a ball and fucking die. The pain of Harry cheating on him was like nothing he had ever felt before, and as he stepped backwards towards his car, he could feel it in his bones.

“We just need a break Harry, that’s what we need. I need time to gather my thoughts and to be alone and you . . .” Louis paused, blinking away a few tears as he gripped the handle on the driver-side door. “You need to fucking sort out whatever shit is going on with you.” With that, he pulled open the door and slipped silently inside of the car, putting the key in the ignition but not without slamming the door shut first.

And as Harry stood there, watching as the headlights faded off into the distance, he knew that he had royally screwed things up.


	21. Breathe Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a subtle mentioning of rape in this chapter. you have been forewarned.

The trimmed green grass stood tall and proud on the muddy ground as Harry took a seat on it, gazing out into the distance of the city. His and Louis’ hill will always be considered their spot, no one else but theirs. It will be forever sacred, memories were made and secrets shared- usually in the dark of the night- when Harry would lay out a blanket and take a seat, opening his arms wide with a bright smile formed on his lips while letting Louis snuggle into his warm embrace. Harry rarely ever wondered about to the hill alone, unless it became absolutely necessary, like now. He ponders his thoughts and takes in the happenings of the night before’s events.

_“You need to fucking sort out whatever shit is going on with you.”_

Those words repeated in Harry’s head like a record on repeat, spinning around and around like there would be no stop. Harry can tell where Louis comes from, though, he does need to sort out things that are going on with himself. With getting drunk, to sleeping with another man other than Louis, to having an unexpected encounter with his father.

Harry shudders at the recollection of that afternoon, his day hadn’t been going all too well, that made it even worse. His father asked for a hug,  _a hug_ , and Harry wanted nothing more than to tell him, not so kindly, to bugger off. Yet, when asked for that hug, Harry stared at his father as if he grew two heads. His words exactly, were; “what? So you can lure me into your little trap of trying to fuck me again? Or have I grown too old for your sick and twisted ways?” The words dripped venom and were ice cold, and the look on his father’s face made Harry give a smug grin.

He called the only person at the time he knew would give him the time of day, and that so happened to be his older sister, Gemma. After a not so pleasant encounter with his father, Harry pressed himself against a worn red brick wall in an alley between two older buildings, and shakily went through his contacts. He told himself to stay composed, because Gemma would be nothing but worried, but as soon as Gemma answered with an ever so cheery “baby brother!” Harry broke down sobbing.

“What’s wrong? Harry, love, what’s wrong?” Gemma had asked frantically, not having a clue in the world why her younger brother, who was about fifteen minutes away from her house, was crying over the phone. “Harry, I need you to calm down and tell me what’s wrong.”

After choking out between sobs asking if she could come and pick him up, she quickly obliged to the almost desperate plea and asked where he was. “I-I think I’m between Dallas and Terrain Drive. In some alleyway. Please, Gem.”

Gemma’s heart went out to her younger brother, who was supposedly in some alleyway, crying and pleading for her to come and get him. She hung up after reassuring him that he would be alright, and that she would be there soon, then went on her way. Upon arriving close to the scene, Gemma felt the small hairs on her skin rising as she stepped out of her Black 2012 Land Rover. It wasn’t the greatest part of the city, and for any God-forsaken reason Gemma ever had to go into that part, she clutched a can of pepper spray in her hand.

Broken sobs were heard clearly between two buildings, and Gemma let out a soft breath. “Harry?” She spoke up while tucking her small can of pepper spray into her white scaled purse, walking cautiously over to the buildings. It wasn’t the sobs that made Gemma gasp, it was the overall appearance of her brother that made her cringe and gasp, not wasting any time at all rushing over to the boy.

Harry lay on the dirty ground, curled up tightly into a ball as he leaned against a large rusted garbage bin. His left eye was swelling, cheeks suit with continuous tears flowing down them, but the thing that made Gemma choke back on a sob?

His black skinny jeans were down around his ankles, along with his boxer briefs.

She had let out a cry into her hand, running over to him and dropping her knees before the crumpled boy. Her hands shakily reached out to grab him, yet as soon as she made contact with his arms, he let out a whimper and tried curling in more on himself. “Harry,” Gemma had whispered, trying to stay strong for the younger which was painfully difficult, “it’s me, Gemma.” As soon as those words left her mouth, Harry’s head shot up and another whimper escaped his parted, chapped lips. “Gemma,” Harry cried out.

With her eyes shut, she blindly outstretched her arms and pulled the broken boy into a tight embrace. She cooed softly into his ear as he wailed into her cherry red cardigan, fisting it between his long fingers. “Come on,” Gemma gently- with a bit of force- pried Harry from her and helped him up into a standing position. Apparently, that wasn’t the great idea because he fell right back down to her knees, but she caught him before he hit the ground. “Lean against the dumpster, Haz, I’m going to help you.” Gemma smiled weakly as she helped him up once again, this time, taking a precaution to lean him against the faded green dumpster. She crouched down, keeping her eyes on his face the whole time she slid his boxers up, and then tugged up his jeans. It had gotten too much for a minute, causing her to look away because seeing Harry’s face crumple in pain while she slid up his jeans past his bum made her heart ache.

Harry let out a deep breath, letting go of his legs that he held up to his chest, before falling back on the grass. The sky filled with gray clouds, rain clouds most likely, and Harry stared up at them with curiosity in his eyes. He wants to be the sky, because he could let out his emotions through the weather. If he felt saddened, it would rain onto the earth below. If he got a feeling of anger, thunder would rumble through the clouds and lightning would strike, creating a scarily gorgeous glow. If he felt happiness, sunshine would bestow down upon pedestrians and bring others joy.

At the moment, the weather seemed to fit Harry’s mood rather perfectly. There were dark gray clouds; but no rain, or thunder or lightning. Just . . . clouds. He feels as if he wants to cry, and get angry and upset, but he can’t. So his emotion represents a storm cloud, sitting up in the sky looking gloomy, but nothing comes of it.

He blinked once, twice, three times while he goes back on the memory of laying on Gemma’s soft beige couch, a cup of chilling tea abandoned on the round mahogany coffee table. Gemma sat on the edge in front of him, brushing stray curls away from his face as he attempted to muster up the courage to tell her what he had experienced. Whenever they first walked through her front door, Gemma’s arm wrapped securely around his waist to guide him inside, he started babbling through tears. She sat him on the couch, mentally face palming herself whenever his face scrunched in pain, so she laid him down onto his side, telling him to tell her in his own time. Gemma didn’t pressure him into talking, she just leaned down, pressing her lips to his forehead and quietly said that she was going to make him a cup of tea.

If anything, Harry didn’t want to speak about what had happened. He felt weak and detested, wondering what in the hell he did to deserve it all. Sure, he had hidden a few of his father’s playboy magazines under his bed whenever he was five. Maybe he did once steal a colorful button from a shop because it didn’t have a price on it so he claimed it as free, and his. But what did he ever do to deserve this? He never murdered his family in cold blood, or robbed a bank. Harry was the child that hated primary school, despised secondary school and doesn’t mind sixth form. He tried to be a good child, and keep good grades, and put effort into things he did.

It wasn’t until some time after eight o’clock pm that Harry broke down and told Gemma everything that had happened that evening. He took a walk to clear his head of the Louis’ situation, and then his father approaches him. Harry was in tears whenever he reached the part of him being, in his own words, a weak fucking coward.

“Shh,” Gemma gave him an encouraging smile as she wiped the tears that flowed down his cheeks, “you are anything but weak or a coward, Harry.” She had said, making Harry smile weakly at the memory of it. Oh, if Gemma only knew that was how lowly he felt of himself, because he couldn’t fight off his demon. The demon being his father. “Go on whenever you’re ready.” Gemma had encouraged him calmly -even though she already knew what happened- while raking her thin fingers through his mess of curls. Inside, Gemma was the farthest thing from calm, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She wanted to kick her father’s arse where the sun doesn’t shine. She wanted to scream and cry and ask the Gods why her only brother had to go through this physical and emotional pain. He didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve it as a child, and he doesn’t deserve it at almost eighteen years of age.

Harry had turned his head to look up at her, and he let out a puff of hot air. He then pursed his lips together in a tight line, fluttering his eyelids closed. “It hurts, Gemma.” He murmured weakly, shifting on the couch to try to get into a more comfortable position. But every time he moved his lower half, even a little, he had to bite down on his bottom lip to hold back on a cry in pain.

“I’ll call mum, yeah?” With those words, Harry shook his head violently, shooting up on his seat despite the pain. “No,” he begged, gripping her wrist gently that was headed towards her cell phone on the coffee table. “Please don’t . . . please.” Harry cried out, slumping forward to nuzzle his head into her neck. “Please,” he mumbled against the tear stained fabric that was her cardigan.

Gemma didn’t want her brother to get any more hysterical than he already was, so she gave him a nod. “I won’t.” She wrapped both of her arms around his torso, pulling him in and cradling him like a child. “I won’t,” Gemma whispered after her brother had long fallen asleep, laying him down onto his side and placing a white fleece blanket over him. She kept her word, though, and didn’t call their mother.

It was when they were all at the airport, Harry and his mother readying for their flight home, that Gemma placed a short lived kiss on her fiance’s lips before saying that she was going to talk to her brother. She made her way over to Harry who was sat on a cold metal chair, fumbling nervously with his fingers. Her hand placed gently on his shoulder from behind, causing him to flinch and raise his head up. The pain and relief in his eyes was almost unbearable for the protective older sister. “It’s just me,” Gemma said before taking a seat in the chair beside him, wrapping an arm around his broad shoulders. He reluctantly leaned into her touch and rest his head on her shoulder, sniffling softly.

“You know,” Gemma had started speaking slowly, curling her fingers inward, then outwards, giving his shoulder a gentle massage. “You promised me you will tell mum whenever you get home, curly.”

And Harry hadn’t done it yet.

Sure, he gets his chances to, but he . . . can’t. Gemma doesn’t pressure him via phone call whenever he tells her, ashamed, that he hasn’t yet told their mother, nor does she threaten to do it herself. Her words every time, Harry recalls, are that she knows he needs time, but he should do it soon.

Maybe that’s how he finds himself having left the hill to be curled up in his bed after a good thirty minutes of crying to his mother, and fifteen minutes of explaining to her what happened in the states. He rest the side of his face on his cooled pillow, watching as his mother walked towards his bedroom door with her hand over her mouth. Before she walked out, she turned around and gave her son a weak smile. “Everything will be alright, my child. I love you.” Anne said softly, her eyes brimmed with tears that she was holding back until she fully left the room.

Harry feels sleepy after telling his mother the thing he experienced in Los Angeles, and after all of the crying that he did. Nonetheless, he reaches over to his black bedside table and grips his cellphone. He shifts into a more comfortable position as he brings up his other half’s contact number, his thumbs hovering over the envelope icon.

Minutes of pondering on whether or not to text him, Harry decides ‘screw it’ and taps lightly on the envelope icon. He takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly while he types. His eyes scan over the message a few times before he finally sent it off.

“My mother is going to bring me to the hospital in a few minutes. I know you and I aren’t on the greatest terms and you want to hate me, but I need you there. Please. -H”

His phone dinged not even one minute later with a reply from the one and only Louis.

“I’ll meet you there.” After Harry received that reply, he got another one from Louis a few seconds later. “Even though we aren’t on good terms, I will always be here for you.”


	22. Together

“When exactly did this happen?”

Harry shifted on the hospital bed as he sat on the edge of it, the white paper crinkling underneath him. His gaze dropped from the rape crisis counselor that they assigned him in the hospital, to the glossy white tiles. “It was . . . uh, last week? Yeah, sometime last week.” He spoke slowly and quietly, refusing to look up once more to meet the calm brown eyes that were observing him carefully. The lady is nice and caring, Harry can admit that, but he just doesn’t feel too comfortable talking to a stranger about it all.

“Harry, there is no reason to be nervous, alright?” She drawled out with a closed mouth smile, tapping the back of her pen against the papers that were clipped to a nut-brown clipboard. “I’m here to help you. Before your rape kit examination, which will be a length four to six hours, I just want you to answer my questions honestly. Can you do that?”

“I actually have one question.”

Amy Nuremberg leaned forward in her cushioned seat, giving a brief nod as she rest her elbows on the clipboard. “During the examination . . .” Harry started, looking over to the woman who gave him a sweet smile as a sign to go on, and he let out a sigh. “Am I like . . . am I allowed to have a loved one in there with me?”

While Amy went over details and the doings that would happen during the examination, Louis was sat out in a comfortable waiting room chair that was an odd yellow color. His leg bounced up and down nervously as he continuously ran his fingers through his dishevelled brown hair. “Calm down, Louis.” Anne spoke softly, causing Louis’ head to snap up in the direction of the familiar voice. It took him a few seconds to comprehend who it was, and once he did, he was frantically running up to her and asking what was wrong. He has no detail whatsoever on why Harry asked for him to come to the hospital, and he was so fucking worried.

“Louis, Louis!” Anne had already set down the cardboard cup of steaming coffee, and placed both of her hands on his shoulders. His breathing was rather deep and erratic, but nonetheless he cast his eyes up into hers. “Harry will tell you, alright? He asked me not to, because he needs to do so.”

Louis calmed down after a couple of minutes, letting his fingers curl into his palm and rubbing furiously at his damp eyes. Anne just gave him a calm smile, pulling him close and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “I’m so glad you showed up, even within the face of betrayal it shows how deeply you care for my son.” She mumbled against his skin, pulling away to brush away some of the hair that was sticking to his forehead.

“Does there happen to be a Louis Tomlinson here?” A voice called out, causing Louis to peek his head above Anne’s shoulder to see a woman standing at two swinging double doors, holding a clipboard in her hand. He slowly slipped from Harry’s mother’s embrace and took a few steps towards the woman he has never even seen before. “I’m Louis Tomlinson?” It came out more as a question than a statement, making him clear his throat and shift in his standing position. “Why?” He asked, looking up to meet her pair of brown eyes.

She gave him a smile before turning around so her back was facing him, scanning her I.D. card before pushing one of the doors open. “Harry- you know Harry Styles- wants you back with him. Care to follow me?” And she didn’t even have ask, because Louis was already hot on her trail as she led him through a few halls. “My name is Amy Nuremberg and I’m one of the few rape crisis counselors here. You and Harry are close, yeah?”

Louis blinked his eyes a few times before slowly nodding, continuing to follow beside her. “A rape crisis counselor? Why would-” Louis stared straight forward at the door that they had stopped at, shifting nervously where he stands. “Wait. He . . . how could . . . what?” He felt utterly baffled, watching as she slipped a white key card into the handle of the door, and he let out an exasperated. “Was he . . . was he raped again?” Louis whispered, not being able to trust his voice to go above a whisper.

All Amy did was give him a sad smile before pushing down on the door handle and nudging the door open just enough to peek her head inside. She mumbled a few things to the one inside before fully pushing the door open, stepping aside as she held it open for Louis. “Harry is inside. I’ll be back with a nurse in a few minutes.”

Walking inside slowly, Louis kept his head down, not raising it whenever hearing the door shut behind him. The only reason he actually did raise his head up was because he heard a whimper, followed by a quiet “Louis”. Blazingly bright- an effect from the tears- green eyes met sad blue ones, but not a word was exchanged. The two ex lovers stared at each other from a few feet away, staying silent and still. It wasn’t until Harry had opened his mouth to speak, that Louis had beat him to it.

“Harry,” Louis sobbed while walking over and embracing the boy who was sitting on a hospital bed into a tight hug. It took a few seconds, but Harry started to hug Louis back equally as tight, burying his head into the crook of the shorter’s neck. “Why didn’t you tell me? Damnit, Harry, why?” Louis cried out, yet he didn’t withdraw his grip, he only made it a bit stronger. Pulling away- while keeping Harry in arm’s length- Louis used the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears that were rolling down Harry’s pale cheeks.

“I-I couldn’t . . .” Harry turned his head so he was no longer facing Louis, but the wall instead. “I felt so . . . so disgusted and I just couldn’t. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked a bit at the end, making Louis’ heart ache. “I thought you wouldn’t care so I didn’t tell. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be disappointed in me.”

When Louis started to speak, the door opened up, revealing Amy but this time with a middle aged woman by her side. “Sorry to interrupt, boys, but we should get this started as early as possible so you won’t be here all night.” The middle aged woman smiled softly while nodding off to Amy who stood outside of the room, before shutting the door closed. Harry’s hand shook as he slipped down off of the bed after being asked to get changed into a hospital gown. It was rather uncomfortable with the strange lady in there while Harry changed, but he kept his eyes downcast on the floor the whole time. “Lean over the bed, please,” the lady said softly.

Harry shuffled over in his socked feet to the bed, leaning over it enough to where he could properly rest his arms on it. He turned his head to be able to see Louis who was walking towards him, and couldn’t help but give a small smile whenever Louis’ dainty hand was pressed on his lower back. “This is going to be a bit painful at first, alright?” The lady said, making Harry shudder and nod his head.

Trying to calm him, Louis kneeled down on one knee beside Harry so he was looking up at him. “You know,” Louis said softly while ghosting his thumb over Harry’s lips. “I will never be disappointed in you. You’re my everything, do you know that?” He asked while tilting his head to the right, looking curiously up at Harry who was already shaking his head ‘no’. “Do you know that I love you?”

Hesitantly, Harry slowly nodded his head ‘yes’ while feeling his hospital gown being raised up slightly in the back. He watched as Louis leaned upward, to where their lips were only inches apart. “One day, you’ll know that you are my everything,” Louis whispered, resting his forehead against Harry’s as their lips brushed ever so slightly. It wasn’t much, but it made Harry’s heart start to beat rather quickly in his chest. “And you’ll understand that you always will be my everything, no matter what.” Louis mumbled, leaning in slowly until their lips were molded together, just as Harry felt a slight sense of pain in his backside. But the pain seemingly subsided as their lips moved slowly against one another.

It wasn’t until six o’clock pm (they had arrived to the hospital around two pm) that Harry was able to leave the hospital, feeling a bit strange, but he blocked that feeling out and replaced it with the amazing feeling of Louis’ hand in his. The two were soon laying side by side on Harry’s queen sized bed, staring back at one another in the fading sunlight that peeked through the blinds on the window. Anne had to leave for work- with much persuasion because she didn’t want to leave Harry at home alone, but Louis promised he would stay- so it was just the two in the house. Silence filled the room, but it didn’t matter, because no words needed to be spoken.

Harry and Louis soon switched from their position of laying side by side and facing each other, to being curled up on their sides. Louis- even though smaller- was being the bigger spoon behind Harry, placing delicate kisses to his clothed shoulder. “I find you rather beautiful,” Louis whispered as he took Harry’s wrist and raised their hands up into stream of light that had come through the window. They both watched up as small dust particles floated around in the orange light, before focusing their gaze on their hands that were stilled raised up. Louis spread his fingers slowly, watching as Harry’s did the same. “Even if you don’t.” Louis continued his saying from one minute earlier as he pressed his palm against the back of Harry’s hand, curling his fingers downward until they pressed into Harry’s palm.

Silent tears fell down Harry’s cheek, falling onto the pillow that he had the side of his face pressed onto. He opened his eyes to look up at their hands, before curling his fingers the same as Louis did, so he was pressing his fingertips into Louis’ fingers. Their hands were brought down slowly until they rested on Harry’s chest, causing the curly haired lad to let out a shaky breath. "You've helped me through rough times," Louis shifted closer to Harry so there wasn't even an inch of of space between the two, "now let me help you." He doesn’t think he will understand how, or even why, Louis was still as compassionate as ever even after his wrongdoing. Was it because of the traumatic experience Harry had relived while in the states? Does Louis only feel sorry for him?

Harry doesn’t know, and at the moment, he doesn’t really care. Because when Louis mumbled into his back that he would take all of Harry’s hurt away, he knew that he was going to get through this with Louis. He wasn’t going to go through it alone. Louis was going to be there with him every step of the way, and just the thought of it makes Harry as content as ever.

Because they are going to get through everything,

 _together_.


	23. The Way You Look Tonight

You know that school is coming closer to starting back up, once advertisements start to play constantly during commercials on television, telling you that supplies are on sale at certain stores near you. The weather is warm and it still gets a bit musty outside from the putrid heat you have had to suffer through during the summer time, depending on what your city’s/town’s summer weather had been like. Younger kids are urging their parents to be able to spend every waking second with their friends, while the teenagers and young adolescents are attempting to keep their freedom for as long as possible.

Louis and Harry, though, had spent the rest of their weeks of summer holiday curled in each other’s arms, switching between houses every few days, or going to the hill. They would eat ice cream and watch the reruns of ‘Friends’ in their rooms that they have already seen many times over--to which they wouldn’t admit. A quarter of their time was spent being alone together, another quarter was spent spending time with their families (separate and together) the last two quarters were the ones that were the most stressful. Getting into the gist of school and realizing that this was their last year of schooling before university, and Harry going to counseling.

“I don’t want her to think that I’m crazy, Lou.” Harry had said quietly to Louis as Louis drove, one hand on the wheel and the other holding onto Harry’s hand. It was Harry’s first session and he was anything but ready. He had spent the night before worrying about what the counselor woman would think of him, and if he was ready to even start confessing things to this lady he didn’t even know. Two a.m. was Harry’s breaking point, and he had called Louis, crying into the phone, telling him that he couldn’t go to counseling. It took soft words of comfort over the mobile device and five straight minutes of it, just to calm Harry down in the slightest.

“She won’t, love. She’s there to help you, yeah? Besides, even if you are deemed as crazy, then I’d still love you nonetheless” Louis flashed him a smile, raising up Harry’s large hand and he had  proceeded to press a gentle kiss to his knuckles.

Now, three weeks after his first appointment, it was the night before their first day of Year Thirteen, of their last year at Greenwood Academy.

“Let me see your timetable,” Louis spoke, making grabby hands towards Harry who was sitting on the opposite side of the booth, rummaging through his brown leather satchel (Gemma sent it to him as an ‘I’m sorry our father is a dick, and I love you little brother’ gift during summer holiday). “If you would give me a minute, babe.” Harry chuckled and shook his head, pulling it out and handing the piece of inked paper to his boyfriend across the booth table.

The couple were spending one last night of freedom together before the school year started, so they decided with a small hoorah at a diner located on the outskirts of Doncaster. It was casual and quaint, but the floors were checkerboard tiles and there were large framed posters of fifties ‘pin-up’ girls hung around the establishment. When a perky waitress, with bleach blonde hair and a poodle skirt around her waist, came to take their orders, Louis had ordered a basket of crispy chicken tenders and chips, while Harry grinned to his boyfriend across the booth table.

“What are you going to get, dear?” Louis asked while raising his head up, and not being able to help himself from the huge smile that was placed upon his lips once seeing the playful glint in Harry’s eye and the childish grin that played on his lips. “I- uh, like, I was wondering if maybe we could- like,” Harry stumbled over his words while nervously twisting his fingers together, eyes now focused on the table in between them. “Spit it out,” Louis laughed.

Harry raised his head slowly to look into the cerulean blue eyes that were Louis’, and grinned sheepishly. “We should get one of those tall milkshakes, you know? Where we get two straws and just kind of share it, like in those movies.” He spoke shyly, ducking his head down in embarrassment when a giggle escaped Louis’ mouth. “That-that is the cutest thing I think I have ever heard.” Louis pursed his lips tightly together to hold back from smiling like a maniac and cooing at the way his boyfriend had gotten all flustered from wanting to share a milkshake ‘like in those movies’.

“One large Strawberry Milkshake, please. That’ll be all.” Louis folded their laminated menus up and handed them to the waitress, who was watching Louis with a strange glint in her eye, which was then transferred over to Harry--who had his arms crossed on the table with his head rested on them.

“Coming right up,” Perky, as which Louis named her since she did not have on a name tag, smiled while holding their menus in one hand and her notepad in the other, before making her way back behind the counter.

Louis reached over, curling his fingers around Harry’s arm and tugging on it gently, trying to hide his smile. “I’m sorry that I sounded stupid,” Harry’s voice was slightly muffled by his arm. With an audible gasp, Louis tugged a bit more roughly on Harry’s arm until it was pulled from under his head, and Harry slowly raised his head up. That was when he saw that Harry’s eyes were rimmed with tears and red, a visible sign that he was attempting not to cry. “Baby.” Louis said quietly, “you didn’t sound stupid.”

After pulling back from Louis’ grip, Harry ran the palms of his hands over his eyes to wipe the dampness away from them. “I just-it was stupid, I’m sorry.” He shakily spoke, squeezing his eyes shut before blinking them back open and focusing his gaze out of the window, where the night sky was dark and starry.

“It wasn’t stupid. I, honestly, think that it was adorable.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Perky had shown back over at their booth with a tray of goodies, containing one large Strawberry Milkshake, along with two plastic red baskets of crispy chicken tenders and crinkle-cut chips. “For the cutest couple in the history of couples,” Perky smiled and set their things down in the middle of the booth, along with four ketchup packets and two bendy straws.

“Thank you.” The couple spoke at the same time, Harry ducking his head down as a blush overfilled his cheeks. Perky just nodded, letting out a sigh as she clutched the now empty round tray in her arms, scurrying off behind the counter and through the double kitchen doors.

The silence that overcame the two was comfortable, no words needed to be spoken. Harry nibbled on a few crisps while Louis practically inhaled the crispy chicken tenders, causing Harry to shake his head fondly at his hungry boyfriend. “How are you enjoying your freedom tenders?” Harry joked, a sly grin playing on his lips as he swirled a crisp around in the Strawberry Milkshake.

“You are, without one single doubt, a bloody idiot at making puns.” Louis said, yet couldn’t help but smile at Harry’s antics, reaching across the table to take his hand. “But you are my bloody idiot, so that is all that matters.”

It was silent once again, with the exception of clanging dishes behind the counter and through the kitchen doors, and quiet small talk going on between others in the diner. But, suddenly, a musical instrument being played was heard not too far from Harry and Louis’ booth. Both of their heads rose up and turned towards where the music was coming from, seeing a few guys in a sleek black stage, small in size, yet it fit a drum set and room for the three men to comfortably be. They were setting up the drum set, while one guy was doing a few notes on a brass instrument- without a doubt, being an instrument used in Jazz music.

“We should come here more often,” Harry was suddenly saying, leaning forward to take a tentative sip of the Strawberry Milkshake. “A band plays, and we get amazing food with accepting waitresses? Most definitely worth the ten minute drive.”

“I agree, one hundred percent.”

Jazz music filled the diner around them, making the place less quiet than before. Most people had stopped their chattering to enjoy the sound of the music around them, taking in the serenity of it all. Louis slid towards the edge of the side of the booth that he was on, before standing up, holding out his hand to Harry, who was looking up at him, utterly confused. “Whenever I put my hand out to you,” Louis began. “That means that you should probably take it.”

Without a word of protest, Harry slid himself out of the booth seat and took Louis’ hand, slowly rising to his feet. He opened his mouth to speak as Louis walked him to a place closer to the small stage, but shut it once Louis said that he would be back, and left him standing alone on the checkered floor.

He watched as Louis proceeded to approach the three guys on the stage, who drowned their music out slowly to appropriately chat up the bloke that apparently wanted to speak. Harry saw them smile, all taking glances towards Harry who shifted nervously, then focused back on Louis and nodded their heads in agreement to something. After a few minutes had passed, Louis was right back in front of him, giving off a radiant smile.

Louis started to hum a tune, straightening his arms forward to grip Harry’s wrists, tugging on them to bring the couple closer together. The music started up once again, but this time it was a completely different song, causing Harry to let out a quiet laugh. “Did you request this song?” He asked as Louis placed one hand on Harry’s hip, the other clasping their hands together.

“Maybe,” said Louis slyly, nodding down towards his own waist, urging Harry to do the same as he was. Harry got the message and placed his hand lightly on Louis’ hip, looking down towards the floor at their feet which moved in sync to the beat. Their upper bodies were pressed against one another as they swayed to the rhythm of the music that came from the small band. “Lovely, never, never change. Keep that breathless charm, won’t you please arrange it. ‘Cause I love you.” Louis sung softly between the two, stepping backwards and gripping onto the creases of Harry’s fingers, spinning him around slowly. “Or just the way you look tonight.”

It was strange, Harry must admit, dancing to a Frank Sinatra song in a diner, with the eyes of strangers watching the couple curiously. Yet, it did not phase Harry one bit. He kept his eyes locked in with those of Louis’ as they danced, the world around them drowning out while they only listened to the sound of the music and stared at each other while dancing closely. Because at the moment, nothing else really mattered- not school, Harry’s counseling or their problems they both faced,- nothing. All that mattered in the moment was their radiating love that they felt for each other, and knowing that maybe, just maybe, things would turn out alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a sucker for classics, alright.


	24. Even The Sun Sets In Paradise

The feeling of being watched taunted Louis endlessly as he walked through the crowded halls of Greenwood Academy, alone. He kept looking over his shoulder but no one was even paying any mind to him, everyone was greeting one another or pushing and shoving to attempt to get to their first hour on time. It was rather disappointing that he and Harry did not have the first two periods of classes together, but he perked up when reading Harry’s timetable the night before at the diner, seeing that they had two study periods together, then Physcology and also lunch. Their lockers were on completely different floors, which also disappointed the both of them, but they did not dwell on it too much, because Harry will be driving them to school every morning (and they will be spending around 10 minutes canoodling in the car).

Louis’ blue eyes scanned each number on each and every locker, mumbling the number under his breath so he would not forget it. Finally, he reached towards the end of the hall, right next to a janitor’s closet, and found the number he had been looking for. A triumphant grin and one mental pat on the back later, Louis starts on his pre-put combination. It takes him a few tries, since he has never been good at lock combinations- but could anyone really blame him? Left 23, turn the dial twice to get to 9, back to the left to 12- but he eventually gets it open and, once more, another mental pack on the back.

It isn’t until Louis reaches his first hour, English Literature, that he meets eyes with those piercing brown ones, which are as utterly shocked as his own. Louis shuffles his feet on the glossy tiled floor, ignoring those pair of brown eyes which are, without a doubt, burning holes through his skin as he walks past. It gets suddenly quiet throughout the classroom, because the first day of school and knowing that two rivals are within feet of each other, well, lets just say that just about everyone is a sucker for a bit of drama to spice up their morning. Sometimes seeing old friends is just not enough.

“Thought you would have dropped out by now, Tomlinson.” And the voice that used to haunt Louis’ dreams is back, and just a few feet away from him, and he curses the high heavens because _fuck_ , why him?

“Thought you would have dropped out whenever your girlfriend did, Gastlo. You know, whenever you knocked her up?” Louis knew. Everyone knew. It was not a big surprise that at the end of the year, before the students went on summer holiday, Mikey had gotten his girlfriend his pregnant and he just left her like it was absolutely nothing. She had been a sweet girl, she deserved anything but that douchebag of a boyfriend, and ended up dropping out because she decided that  _yes, she was going to keep the baby_  and  _no, she was not going to abort the life that was growing inside of her._

“Oh fu-” Mikey had started but the teacher gave him a wild glare from her desk where she sat, and he shut his mouth instantly. It made Louis grin smugly as he took a seat closest to the window, laying his binder down on the top of the desk all while letting out a quiet sigh. He would have to deal with Mikey for the rest of the year, in this classroom, and possibly outside of it. He would also have to walk into school every morning, stomach knotting up uncomfortably while knowing that he has to start off his morning being in the same vicinity as him.

English Literature went quite smoothly, as did the two class periods after that. He and Harry got a bit cozy in the library during their first study period of the day, sitting by each other in hard wooden chairs and playfully knocking knees every few minutes. The librarian shushed them a few times, causing Louis to stifle his- very manly- giggles into Harry’s shoulder, which he did so with a bit of difficulty, considering that Harry was still taller than him even when sitting. It came time for lunch, and as they took a seat at a table with Zayn- and the rest of the table filled with strangers they did not even know- Louis stopped with his tray in mid-air while catching those brown eyes from across the cafeteria.

“Are you not going to sit?” Harry asked, looking up from his sitting position on a chair, to Louis who was standing, frozen in place. Louis’ throat felt suddenly tight and his mouth felt dry, lips opening and closing like a fish because his mind went jumbled whenever seeing the built up, putrid hate in Mikey’s eyes. He couldn’t form a coherent sentence, just nodded numbly and set his tray on the table, taking a seat right beside Harry with hesitance.

Harry could tell that something with Louis was off, he just could not tell what, so he decided to not press on the issue. Instead, he leaned over and brushed his plump, pink lips across Louis’ cheeks and splayed his fingers, resting his rather large hand on the middle of Louis’ back. They ate in almost total silence, with the occasional small talk, and Harry’s knuckles ended up kneading gently into Louis’ shoulders, knotting out some of the tension that had built up in them.

~*~

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

Louis breathed out a puff of hot air and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back against the headboard of Harry’s bed and shaking his head stubbornly. “Haz, it doesn’t even matter, alright? Please, just drop it.”

“I cannot ‘just drop it’ whenever my boyfriend shows up at my doorstep with a bruised eye and cut cheek. So just tell me what happened, or even more so, who did it. Don't even think about giving me the bullshit excuse of you tripping and falling again.” Harry paced around his bedroom, hands stuffed in his pockets as he huffed and puffed, eyebrows facing downward as the frustration clearly showed on his face.

Not even thirty minutes ago, Louis had came into an encounter with Mikey (that, as you can probably guess, was not a walk in a field of roses), who then proceeded to ball his hand into a fist and take two punches at Louis. The second one produced a cut a few inches in length on his right cheek, from Mikey’s oh-so-lovely ring that just happened to have small metal spikes protruding from it. Louis had grumbled a string of curse words and then continued on his walk towards Harry’s house, dreading what he knew was coming; an inquiry from Harry. There was no hiding his bruising eye, or the cut that now had its blood dried up with only spectacles seeping out unnoticeably.

And a minute after Louis had knocked on the white painted wood and Harry dragged him inside with a slam of the front door, the prodding questions at Louis had started and Harry went rambling on and on about how he needs to know who did it so he could beat the absolute shit out of that person, all while getting some antibiotic for the cut and ice cubes in a plastic bag- normally used for sandwiches- with a hand-towel wrapped around it. Louis mumbled excuses, saying that he had tripped and fell and constantly was saying it was no big deal, until Harry looked like he was going to murder the next person he sees (aside from Louis) so he then kept quiet.

“Calm down, dear. Have you taken your anxiety pills yet today?” He knew how Harry’s anxiety could turn three different ways; into anger, sadness, or resulting in him having a panic attack--which Louis had experienced happen once back, months ago, and it was absolutely horrible to see the scene because there wasn’t much he could even do about it.  **(See: Chapter 12)**

“I hate those pills, they make me feel drowsy and they make my stomach hurt sometimes and I don’t like taking medicine on a daily basis. It sucks ass, Louis. But don’t try and change the subject on me now.”

Louis sighed heavily, shifting the bag of wrapped-up ice on his cheek with a grimace, while making his way out to the hallway and into the bathroom. He opened up the medicine cabinet and spotted the bottle of prescription pills on the second shelf, beside a red inhaler. “You’re going to need to get refilled in a few days, babe.” He said while walking back into Harry’s bedroom, holding the orange bottle that contained four pills and a prescription sticker that read off his name, the expiration date, and the name of the pill-- _Alprazolam (Xanax)_.

With a bit of coaxing, Harry took one of his pills with a room-temperature bottled water that sat on his desk, and then settled down onto the edge of his bed, opening out his arms for the still standing Louis. Louis shuffled his feet and stood in front of Harry, who spread his thighs to let Louis step in between them, to which he obliged. He rest his head in the mop of dark curls and smiled softly when feeling those comforting arms snaking their way around his waist and holding him in place.

“I just hate whenever you get hurt, baby.” Harry murmured quietly into the silence of the room, nuzzling his nose into Louis’ torso which made the other boy squirm because, well, he’s ticklish all over. “Please, can you just tell me who did it? I can’t promise you that I won’t beat the shit out of them, though, just a forewarning.

It made Louis’ heart ooze out so much love for the curly haired boy like the gooey chocolate chips in cookies that had just been taken out of the oven. He sometimes grumbles and protests to Harry’s protective nature towards him, but he finds it father sweet, honestly. Harry was his lifeline, his whole entire world, the sand to his beach and the straw to his berry. He feels cliche, with the things he compares Harry to or the way he describes him, but it’s all true and Louis would not change that for the world. Like he had told Anne once--they both have baggage, and it was whether or not they both would claim each other’s. And they did, almost instantaneously, which still has not changed after all of those months.

So, Louis let his arms drape around Harry’s neck until linking his fingers together in the back, and  rest his chin atop Harry’s head. “It was Mikey.”

Louis felt Harry’s arms tense around him, but then they loosened and he tugged Louis forward, urging him to sit on his lap. He shifted away just a bit for Harry to bring his own legs closer together, and then he draped his legs across Harry’s thighs and straddled him, pushing away some loose curls from his forehead. “‘M not too heavy, am I?” Louis asked, stemming from his self-conciousness, shifting in the position he was in so he didn’t end up crushing Harry, who chuckled and shook his head. “You aren’t heavy at all, love. So . . . Mikey?”

“Mikey.”

“Little bastard,” Harry mumbled under his breath and pressed his and Louis’ foreheads together.  “I never liked him from the start, you know. But can you promise me that you'll tell me if something like this happens again, without being stubborn?”

“Hey! It comes naturally, I will have you know, mister. But, yes, I guess I can promise you that. As long as you promise me that you will take your pills every morning, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Harry grumbled childishly while sneaking one hand under the thin of Louis’ white t-shirt, letting his long fingers splay across the bare skin which caused goosebumps to prick up instantly. “Now kiss me, you fool.”


	25. Emotion Runs High

You never know who around you is keeping a secret. It could be the man carrying four grocery bags in his left arm with a crying child in his right. Maybe it’s the girl you see around school who, outside of school, constantly has earbuds in her ears. You wouldn’t know unless they personally told you. And you surely wouldn’t think that it would be someone near and dear to you, or more specifically, your boyfriend.

Louis didn’t think anything of Harry keeping quiet in the library during their fifth week of school in a study period, he figured that maybe he was just tired. He didn’t think anything of Harry cancelling out on their plans a few days later that were to go sit on the hill and do homework together; figured that maybe he just didn’t feel up to it. (They both got like that at times.) But the thing that made Louis find out that Harry was truly hiding something, and it wasn’t just his imagination, was whenever he found him walking down the sidewalk. Crying.

“Harry?” Louis called out as he stepped out of his front door to check the mail holder, but caught sight of his curly haired boyfriend walking up the driveway before he had a chance. Harry’s head slowly raised up, and there were visible streaks of tears on his reddened cheeks, fingers linking and unlinking nervously.

It hurts Louis, physically and emotionally, to see his own boyfriend so broken. And he didn’t have a clue what was happening. “Babe, come here,” he spoke quietly and opened up his arms, his boyfriend’s taller body suddenly colliding with his, strong arms wrapped around his torso. “Shh.” Louis whispered on the top of Harry’s hair as his body shook with sobs, backing towards the wooden front door. As they entered the house, Louis nudged the door shut with his foot before craning his neck back to take a look down at his boyfriend who had his head buried on his chest. “You need to tell me what’s wrong, dear, come on.”

Harry shook his head, taking a deep collective breath and letting it out shakily, raising his head fro Louis’ chest, who automatically wiped the tears on his cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “Can . . . can we talk up in your room?” Harry croaked out, clearing his throat with his arms wrapped around his upper abdomen.

“‘Course,” Louis reached down and linked his fingers with Harry’s, leading him up the stairs and down the hall. A booming noise sounded from a room that Harry was walking past, making him flinch away and stare wide-eyed at Louis, green eyes glossy with unshed tears. “That’s just Fizzy. Go to my room, I’ll be there in a few.” He urged Harry on with a kiss to the cheek and a gentle pat on his back. Harry soon obliged, nodding his head and entering Louis’ bedroom which was two rooms away from Fizzy’s.

Louis heaved out a sigh, rubbing his palm against his forehead frustratedly. The older Fizzy continued to get, the more rebellious she got. The week before that, she had gotten grounded for sneaking out, and was now confined to her bedroom until further notice. Coming into the teenage girl years was nothing Louis was new to, because Lottie, who had turned 15 over a month earlier, had went through something similar to what Fizzy is going through. Except Lottie kept away in her bedroom and mouthed off, nothing like the way Fizzy had started to act. 13 years old and wearing too-tight clothes and black makeup that had went ‘missing’ from their mother’s vanity.

He tapped his knuckles on the door, calling out her name over the music and grumbling profanities once it seemingly got louder. Twisting the knob, he pushed the door open and took in sight of the pig-sty that was her bedroom. Clothes astrewn everywhere, the closet door that slid to open was off its hinges with spray paint on it. He felt like he was in a horror movie named Teenage Sister Gone Awry. Fizzy was laying on her bed, legs crossed as she bobbed her head along to the music that was booming from the stereo perched atop her dresser.

“Fiz.” Louis groaned and stumbled through the heaps of clothes on the floor, kicking some to the side before reaching her dresser and turning the music down to where they could barely hear it. She looked up from her cellphone and stared at him. If looks could kill.

“Hear me out before you threaten to throw me out of the window. Harry is over, and he’s been crying, and I need you to keep it down. For him, yeah?  This is for Harry’s sake. I can put up with your bull, but he can’t. Not right now. So keep it down, please.” Louis watched her glare lessen as she set her phone down and sat up straight, scratching the top of her head. “Is he alright?” She asked quietly, and wow, Louis hasn’t heard her speak that sincerely in weeks, or speaking without a rude comment coming out.

Louis stepped towards her bed and took a seat on the edge of it, staring forward at her open door. “I hope so. I went out to check the mail and he’s coming up the driveway, just . . . crying. So I need to go and talk to him.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ll keep it down.” Fizzy smiled a small smile towards the eldest sibling and placed her hand gently on her arm. “Uh, when mom and dad get back, can you tell them that I’m sorry? I’ve kind of been ignoring them lately,” she said sheepishly before releasing the gentle grip and unlocking her phone. “You need to tell them yourself, Fiz. Love you.” He pressed a kiss to her blonde hair and stood up, making his way from her room and shutting the door behind him. It was quiet in the house as he walked down the hall and into his bedroom where the door was wide open, and Harry was sitting with his back pressed against the wall, knees brought up close to his chest.

Harry’s head rose up once hearing the familiar footsteps and he couldn’t even manage a forced smile, dropping his head down to his knees. “What is it, love?” Louis asked as he climbed up on his bed and crawled on his knees towards Harry, sitting beside him with his legs crossed.

It was silent between the two for a few minutes, the only sounds to be heard were dogs in a distant from his open window and their quiet breathing. Harry finally shifted in his seat, as his bottom was starting to numb, and tapped his fingers gently on Louis’ thighs.

“My mother told me the news before I came here, and she was just as emotional as I was. My father is getting extradited to London from California for a court date for charges for the uh, rape, you know?” Harry breathed in deeply and let it out slowly, raking his fingers through his curls. “I’m the victim in the case. Therefore, I’m going to have to go to the stand and speak on my behalf. Will you . . . will you come with? It’s two weeks from now.”

Without any second thought or hesitation, Louis spoke. “I promise you, that you won’t go through this alone.”


	26. Court Is In Session

Louis paced around his bedroom, stepping over multiple cords he had scattered around on the cream colored carpet, careful to not trip over fallen objects he hasn’t cared to pick up. How was he going to tell Harry this? He’s going to be crushed, and honestly, it physically, as well as emotionally, pains Louis to see his boyfriend with anything but a smile on his pretty lips.

“Lou?” He hears a faint tapping on his door before it opens up, revealing the set of twins, blonde hair braided- thanks to Lottie- and big blue eyes looking at him. “Harry is the door, said that he wants to talk to you. Want me to bring him up?” Phoebe asked. Louis nodded in response and then Daisy yelled as loud as she could for Harry to come up to his room. “Now, shoo you little bugs,” Louis said as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

Daisy pushed out her bottom lip and crossed her arms over her torso. “We aren’t bugs! Boys are bugs.”

“With cooties!” Phoebe piped in.

“You’re ladybugs, then. Now shoo!”

With inconspicuous giggles, they padded out of the room just as Harry finished his walk down the hallway, leaning against Louis’ door frame. They looked at each other for a few seconds, green meeting blue, until Harry sighed and broke the silence. “You scared me out of my wits whenever you text me, telling me that you need to talk to me about something important. What’s up, babe?” His voice wavered throughout, causing Louis to unwillingly wince.

Louis trailed his fingers down Harry’s arms, curling his short fingers around his wrist and pulling him into the room. He shut the door behind them and beckoned Harry to sit down on his bed as he walked around his room, trying to come up with a way of telling Harry without really telling him. “So, I talked to my mother and . . .”

“You can’t go?”

And the tone of his voice made Louis frown, walking over and standing right in between his legs. “Yeah,” he said softly, carding his fingers through the unruly brown curls -which Harry had gotten a blue streak in because “why the hell not?”- rather slowly, taking the silence from his boyfriend to compose his thoughts. His mother was reluctant, to say the least, and said that she would think about it. But, in the end, it was a definite no because “you’re only 17 years old and your world does not revolve around Harry” and “you have schooling” and “because we are your parents and we said so.” So, now he was here, trying to hold himself together while his boyfriend looked like he was going to break any second, like a ticking time bomb of sadness and Indie music.

Harry stayed quiet for a few minutes time, nuzzling Louis’ hand with his head to get him continue combing his fingers through after he had gotten lost in his thoughts. He hesitated, removing his hand from the curls and crouching down in front of Harry who was watching him curiously. “You alright?”

“I think the question is,” Louis sighed, smiling softly, “are you alright?”

“I mean.” Harry was at a great loss for words, because was he really alright? This was something that he didn’t and still doesn’t think that he could go through alone. But now; now it’s all reality and Louis can’t come with and he just really doesn’t think that he can go through it all without him by his side. “Possibly, I just. Maybe I just- I don’t know. I’ll be alright, yeah? Sooner or, sooner or later.” He stumbled over words, blushing furiously and looking down at his lap, concentrating on anything but the concern in those beautiful cerulean blue eyes.

Louis didn’t respond, just continued running his fingers through Harry’s hair, leaning in and pressing his lips against his cheek. “You will be, I know it. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**

“Pleasure to meet you, Harry. My name is Merlinda Ballin, I am from going to be your lawyer or this case.”

Harry kept his ankles crossed as he sat in a wicker chair with cream colored cushions, adjusting himself every few minutes because wow, is he nervous. He should be in school at this moment in time, not hours away from his home, sitting in a stuffy office of his lawyer’s (which he shouldn’t even have in the first place) with his mother sat beside him, who was watching him fidget. Because, maybe this wasn’t the greatest idea in the first place, Harry thinks as he shakes Merlinda’s hand and then abruptly takes it away, linking his fingers together and resting them in his lap. He doesn’t want to be here, and he doesn’t want to face his father, and bring up those things in front of a damn jury. He wasn’t fine with even thinking the things.

Speaking those things out loud? Now, that would sting.

Merlinda lay her clipboard down after shaking his mother’s hand, smoothing out the back of her black pencil skirt before taking a seat in a chair of her own behind her desk. She crossed her legs, tucking a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear before clearing her throat. “The charges against your father are rather great in intensity, Mr. Styles. If you will come with me,” she stood up once more, Harry and his mother following suit as her heels clicked roughly against the tiled ground and out of the office, “then I will lead you to one of the interrogation rooms.”

The look on Anne’s face, full of concern at the word ‘interrogation’ made Merlinda’s lips turn up a bit. “Nothing to worry about, Ms. Cox. Your son will be in good hands with me, alright? I’m going to walk him through what it’s going to be like for him in court, make sure his story is straight, and help him through it. Alright?”

“Alright.”

Harry walked behind the two women, thumbs tapping idly away on the screen of his phone, completely and utterly distracted by the text message that just popped up. “Miss you tons and bunches. xx” it read, making Harry crack a smile and reply back with a smiling emoticon, biting down furiously on his bottom lip to where it felt raw. “How’s it going there?” Louis had text right afterward.

‘Fine, yeah. I’m about to get interrogated. I feel like I’m in a murder case.’ -Harry

‘Criminal Styles. Hmm. Handcuff and have your way with me, sweet cheeks.’ -Louis

‘I’ll make it worth your while.’ -Harry

The clearing of a throat caught Harry’s attention, looking way from his latest text from Louis to see his mother, Anne, and Merlinda both watching him curiously, having stopped in front of a room with a large glass window that looked inside of it. He took this as his cue to blush furiously and slide the phone into the back pocket of his skinny jeans, ignoring the vibrating from his phone as Merlinda held the large metal door open for him. “This shouldn’t take too long,” she spoke to the both of them as Harry sauntered his way inside.

**

“So, Mr. Styles, is it true that you are in fact gay?”

Harry hates this. He hates this so much. He is in the same room as his father who was several feet away from him, staring at him with this glint in his eye that Harry can’t exactly pinpoint. And quite frankly, he doesn’t want to. There is a jury watching him, expecting him to answer. There are people in seats- some of which he doesn’t even know- watching him. Everything is so quiet in the courtroom, and Harry is sweating. He’s sweating profusely and seriously hopes that he’s not going to -worse case scenario- sweat right through his black blazer.

There’s his mother on the side he sits whenever he was sat next to his lawyer, behind the mahogany posts where the others sat to watch this case go on. His sister, Gemma, sat right next to her with a floral box of Kleenex tissues wedged between them. Unfamiliar faces watching him. His heart was pounding frantically to where it was rather loud in his ears, palms sweating and his breathing shallow.

“Y-yes, I am.”

Honesty is the best and only policy in this courtroom.

“And you have engaged in sexual intercourse with others males, yes?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“How many males, Mr. Styles?”

He gazed up at his mother, nervously running his fingers through his hair and shifting in the cool wooden chair. She just gave him an encouraging nod, because she knows that he can do it, and can face it. “Two, in total. My boyfriend and another guy.”

His father’s lawyer, who went by the name of Dan, nodded slowly and turned towards his father, then back to Harry. “Was it consensual by both?”

“It was.”

“Then who is it to say that you did not consent to your father engaging in that with you? Or, if he even did. There is no evidence to prove that, in fact, your father did rape you. There is only the side of the story you gave, and that your father gave. You could be lying for all we know.”

“Objection, your honor.” His lawyer piped in from her seat, to which Dan glared over his shoulder after the Judge gave him a look. “Yes, Mr. Scully. Where is the question here?” Asked the Judge.

“Withdrawn. Did you shower right after you were allegedly raped by your father, Mr. Styles?”

“I-I went to my sister’s house, and I did there.”

“You say that you went to your sister’s house straight after. Why was your sister the one that you told? Why did she not call the police right after?”

“Objection,” Merlinda sighed. “Relevance.”

“Overruled,” the judge said, causing Merlinda to give Harry an apologetic look.

That’s constantly how it went on, being asked many questions by Merlinda and then Dan. By the time he was allowed to step down, his pale cheeks were tear streaked and his mother looked like she was going jump over the post and strangle him into a hug. But, that wasn’t allowed, so he had to sit next to his lawyer once more and watch as his father went up to the stand.

**

It’s the moment of truth.

Harry’s whole body is trembling and he has to grip onto the edge of the table to keep standing, taking short puffs of breaths. After one week of being in court, the jury taking 2 days to decide, it’s the moment of truth. 

The whole courtroom is quiet, save for the sound of one of the jurors rising to her feet, white un-addressed envelope in her hand. In that envelope lies Harry’s father's fate, and something that will change Harry’s life forever. If he’s found not guilty, then he will go on and live his life the way it was, and Harry will live on in fear. If he’s found guilty, he’ll be put into prison for 25 years, but Harry still would not get the justice he needs.

“We, the jury, find the defendant; Desi Styles . . .”

Harry held his breath. Everything was deadly silent to where you could hear perfectly clear if a pin dropped.

“. . . guilty of rape in the 2nd degree.”

Cheering. Cheering, and cries of joy, and his mother and sister crying for him. But all Harry could focus on was watching his father. He was supposed to be happy right now. He was supposed to be crying and hugging his mother and sister and calling up Louis and getting a “I knew you could do it” and “I love you” from him. Yet, he stood there, still, face void of all emotion as he watched one of the guard’s gripping onto his father’s arm to take him away to the place that he would stay for 25 years time.

It wasn’t enough.

Time felt as if it was slowed down, the commotion had stopped ringing in his ears and all he heard was silence. Harry forced his chair into the desk opening with much force, pushing open the gate of the post and walking out of the courtroom, not stopping to see all of the people that were now staring at him. He walked into the wide hall and gripped his fingers into his curls, shutting his eyes and shaking his head. Because, no, this isn’t enough. Two sets of arms were instantly around him and he felt weak in the knees as he was embraced in a warm, comforting hug by his mother and sister.

“Come on, honey. Lets go home.” His mother gently removed Harry’s arms from around her and Gemma, swiping her thumbs under the bottom of his eyes to get rid of the tears that continued to fall. Gemma leaned over and pressed a kiss to her younger brother’s cheek, ruffling his curls and giving him a soft smile. “I love you, little brother,” she whispered before pulling her purse securely on her shoulder, giving her mother a one-armed side hug and going on her way.

Having already booked the flight earlier that morning, Anne led Harry out of the courthouse with a hand on his back, keeping him close to her side. They got a fare to the airport, waiting around for a good hour before their plane started to board. They were one of the first two on the plane, so Harry took his seat while his mother went to freshen up in the lavatory. He pulled his phone from his pocket, seeing that he had a missed called from Louis. He didn’t feel too up to talking to anyone in the moment of time, so he text him, asking if he could meet him at the airport once they landed. Louis responded with an ‘Of course. I hope you’re okay, babe. Love and miss you. xxxxx’ but Harry didn’t respond, just turned off his phone and slipped it into a pocket of his jeans, staring out of the window once the plane took off, wondering how in the hell his life became what it is today.


	27. Only Love

The air inside of the airport was full of bustling people and warm breezes, much different from outside. There, things were cool and breezy, full of parked cars and few people coming and going. Louis had his hands stuffed in his jean pockets as he paced back and forth, muttering an “excuse me” and “sorry” every time he had bumped into someone. Harry’s flight was supposed to have landed five minutes ago, and, as suspected, Louis was a nervous wreck. All he wanted to do was see his boyfriend, and bring him home. But, he was pacing and nervously and starting to feel a bit stuffy in the sweater that he had found hanging off of the edge of his bed. He supposes it’s Harry’s, but he can never really tell anymore.

Okay, so, maybe Louis realizes that staying up until 10 am and not getting a wink of sleep wasn’t the most brilliant idea he’s ever had. His eyes feel like they will snap shut for a few days any second, and the bounce in his step that he had when walking into the airport was no longer. Just a pace, which had then turned into a slow walk around the cluster of metal chairs screwed to the floor.

“Lou.”

Louis’ head raises up and he jumps back, a bit startled to see that Harry is standing right in front of him with a small smile and wide eyes. “Alright?” Harry asks, and Louis just laughs while letting his arms wrap around Harry’s torso and pulling him in close, taking in the scent of  _HarryHarryHarry_  and airplane food, which if Louis is correct, Harry must have had cherry jello. “I missed you,” murmured Louis, tucking his nose in the soft cotton of Harry’s black  _Ramones_  sweatshirt.

“I missed you, too. Homebound?”

Homebound.

**

“Mum.”

“What?”

“Mum.”

“What, Lou?”

“Mum.”

Jay slowly spun around in the computer chair she was sat at, narrowing her eyes at her eldest son who was leaning against the doorway, looking at her sheepishly. “If you say that one more time, I will not hesitate to disown you,” she joked, cracking a grin as he laughed and shook his head, standing up straight. Well, as straight as his bad posture would let him. “I just sent out my university applications,” he breathed, eyes wide and fingers twitching nervously at his side. It should be a good thing- a wonderful thing- because he’s one step closer, now, to leaving the nest--Mama bird and Papa bird and Sister birds. But, he’s still a kid, and he doesn’t know how to do taxes and he’s proper shit at knowing which way to swipe a debit card and how in the hell does he even get a credit card? He has to find a way to come up with all of the funds for his schooling that, even if he got a scholarship, wouldn’t cover the tuition and meal plans and it’s just really nerve wracking. What if he doesn’t get accepted into his number one choice for university? What about Harry?

Louis felt the tears prickling his eyes and he let a shaky breath escape his parted lips, shutting his eyelids. Not even one minute later, he felt the arms of his mother wrapping around him and he felt himself go limp in them, taking in the motherly warmth and comfort that she gave off. “Can I not just crawl back into the womb?” He mumbled into her shoulder, the shirt now stained with his tears.

She took him out of her embrace but cupped her hands on his cheeks, using the pads of her thumbs to wipe away the tears that had been shed. “I’m afraid that you’re a bit too large now, love. It might hurt just a bit.”

A watery laugh came from Louis while Jay smiled softly at him, ruffling his fingers through his untamed fringe that had yet to be combed. “I need to get back to the book, or else my publisher will be on my arse if I don’t get the illustrations done by five tonight. Why don’t you invite Harry over, yeah? Keep the door open, though.”

“Still not letting up on that one, are you?”

“It’ll be like that for all of my children, LouBear. Anyway, I really don’t want to walk in on what I did last time. There’ll be no chance for it with the door open.”

Louis snickered at the recollection of the memory, whenever he and Harry got a bit heated and he shut the door, and was sitting on the edge of his bed, pants around his ankles with Harry’s lips stretched around the head of his cock whenever Jay opened the door to say to leave the door open. She had shut her eyes and groaned, saying that she could’ve been fine without ever seeing that (Anne’s son giving her own son a blowjob) and left the door wide open, calling back to them to cut it out and to meet her downstairs.

There, she had given them the talk for the second time- first being whenever they first had started to date- and then made it clear there was to be no sexual activity or sexual contact under her roof, sent Harry out of the house (“You treat my son well, but I don’t want to  _see_  you treat him  _that_  well”) and then grounded Louis for a week because of it. It’s just a laugh now, and whenever Lottie and Fizzy had found out of it, they teased him endlessly for two weeks straight.

“Yeah, I know. Love you.”

“Love you too, Boo.”

With that, he pressed a chaste kiss to his mother’s cheek and stalked back to his bedroom, where he picked up his phone from the heap of blanket’s where it lay. He crawled fully onto his bed, scrolling through his contact list until finding the one saved as  _‘Him’_. The phone rang and rang, a total of six times, until it went to Harry’s voicemail which hadn’t even been set up. He had told Louis once that he didn’t enjoy his voice in any of the recordings he had made for it, so he just didn’t bother after the fifth try.

Louis sighed, about to try to call once more, but was cut short whenever there was a knock on the door from downstairs. Wondering who it could be, he trailed off down the hallway, past closed bedroom doors- save for the office where his mother was in- and down the stairs, unlocking and opening the door to reveal a faceless person. By faceless, he means there’s a tall, lanky boy in skin tight jeans and a plain white tshirt (Louis had been listening to the Plain White T’s while submitting his university applications, so it made him smile), holding a bouquet of red roses in front of his face. “Hmm. Whoever could it be.” Louis mock-gasped as Harry brought the flowers down to reveal him smiling like an idiot. “Oh, look, it’s my right idiot of a boyfriend. C’mere,” Louis leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry’s, pulling away after a few seconds to take a step back and open the door a bit wider.

“I was going to tell you that I was coming over, but I wanted to surprise you. With flowers, also.” Harry held them out to Louis who gladly took them in his arms, telling Harry to shut the door behind him as he made his way into the kitchen. “I called you, actually, to ask if you wanted to come over.” He lay the bouquet of roses on the islander in the middle of the kitchen, searching through bottom cabinet’s to try and find a proper vase to put the flowers in. A pair of arms wrapping around his waist from behind stopped him mid-look through and made him smile, placing his hands over the larger’s that are his boyfriend’s. “Did you know,” Harry’s lips brushed against the shell of his ear, causing a shiver to erupt and cause goosebumps to rise on his skin, “that if you touch the petal of roses, they die?”

“You’re like a walking Fact Book, aren’t you?”

“The lady at the flower shop told me it as I was paying for them. I found it pretty interesting. Such a beautiful thing can waste away at the touch of a fingertip.”

“Tell me again, why you don’t want to major in English with me?”

“I find English rather boring, per se? I enjoy certain aspects of it, but not too much. Besides, I want to major in Criminal Justice. I’m aiming in being a Police Officer, or a Detective. I haven’t quite decided yet.”

“I could call you Detective Styles.”

“If I become an officer, then you could maybe where my hat.”

“There is no maybe, I  _will_  wear it.”

Harry just smiled, shaking his head and letting Louis leave from his embrace to continue to search for a vase. He leaned against the islander, eyes not leaving Louis’ figure as he bent down and made a victory noise when finding a vase in the very back of a cabinet. “Does this mean that we’re going to be together in the long-run?” Harry asked as Louis was filling up the glass vase with water then sticking the bouquet inside of it, making sure it fit right and that he wouldn’t have to clip a bit of the stems off.

“Do I really need to answer that?” Louis looked up from where he was focusing on the flowers to give a smile to Harry who was watching him intently, a bit of question in his eyes. He knew that he needed to answer it, then. “Of course, as long as you’ll keep me around for awhile."

“I wouldn’t trade you for the world."

“How about a puppy?”

Louis rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out to Harry, who was pondering on an answer to that. “Joking, joking.” Harry came over and removed Louis’ hand from where they were wrapped around the vase, holding them tightly in his own and lifting them to his lips, placing soft kisses on the knuckles. “I wouldn’t trade you for anything, because I love you, and you’re more important to me than just about anything else.”

And in that moment, looking down into the bright blue eyes of his boyfriend, Harry is thinking that yeah, he could see himself being with this boy for the long-run, no matter how many obstacles there are.


	28. Graduation (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm a bit of a shakespeare nut, okay. mind the references.

“We’re going to be late!”

“Zayn, where is my cap and gown?”

“Lets get a move on, people.”

“You can’t see Harry until the ceremony, Lou. And it was hanging on your door last time I checked.”

“Phoebs, you’ll get chocolate on your dress!”

“This isn’t a wedding, Zayn. But I checked and it’s not there!”

Things were absolutely chaotic in the Tomlinson household. One mother and father, trying to keep their girls in check and make sure they’re all properly dressed, and not getting food on their nice clothing. Zayn and Louis have, for the past twenty minutes, been attempting to find Louis’ graduation attire and find where he put his Valedictorian speech. Liam has drove down also, since he graduated a semester early, and is walking calmly around the kitchen, snacking on pickles and cream cheese with his iPhone pressed against his ear, making sure all of their reservations and plans are in check. He’s probably the only one not about to lose his mind. Hair gelled up, suit on, and looking as smart as ever. (He and Danielle had broken up after five months for unknown reasons, but he’s moved right on happily with a lovely girl named Sophia, who currently was helping Phoebe and Daisy with their last-minute hair touches.)

Louis finally found his speech- folded four times flat- in the crevice of the couch, waving it around in the air with a victory screech. “I found it! Now, where’s my gown?”

“Found your cap, poppet.” Louis’ mother, Jay, smiled and walked over, placing it snugly on the top of Louis’ hair that was styled into a wavy fringe, biting on her bottom lip. The tears welled up in her eyes and no, Louis cannot handle that right now because last night, alone in his room, he got emotional enough while packing an overnight bag for a stay at a hotel after Graduation for the Graduation Party a bunch of people at school were throwing. Only rules were you had to book your own room and it was preferred people brought alcohol to go around.

He brushed a few loose strands of dark brown hair from her forehead, giving her the best- shaky- smile that he could muster up. “Mum, I’m only graduating, yeah? Not like you’re going to be giving me away for marriage.” His voice went an octave higher and cracked at the ended, causing him to press his lips together in a lame attempt to keep the tears from spilling over.

Jay just shook her head, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and pulling him into her chest, fingers moving as a distraction for herself around the nape of his neck, squeezing and rubbing and scraping her freshly painted nails gently across it. “With that boyfriend of yours, it might not be too long, now.” She whispered against his cheek as she pressed her lips to it.

It hadn’t been too long ago, Louis remembers, whenever the conversation about marriage came up with Harry. They had been sitting together in the bed of Harry’s truck (whenever he had gotten home after weeks of being in central London for court, he saw the truck in the driveway, and he smashed out all of its windows until the cops had came whenever a neighbor called. He, and Anne- who had been oblivious to the destruction going on outside- had to explain that yes, that was his vehicle and no, he did not have any previous offenses with the law). It had just finished repairs that morning, so Louis took him on a picnic in the back of the truck. With food astrewn and the couple pressed side-by-side in silence, the stars in the sky being their only light, Louis spoke up.

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea.”

Harry turned to face him, eyebrow raised in confusion while Louis lolled his head onto Harry’s shoulder, looking up into curious green eyes. “My love as deep; the more I give to thee. The more I have, for both are infinite.”

“I don’t have a clue of what you just said.”

“Romeo and Juliet?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“You read it in Lower Sixth, babe, all of the English classes did. I just found the plastic bound play on the bottom of my closet shelf, under clothes and empty packages of Goldfish crackers.”

“Quote some more.”

Louis smiled, rubbing his thumb over Harry’s knuckles before straightening up his posture. “Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast.” He shifted, draping one leg over Harry’s legs before positioning himself on his lap. “Do not change by the moon, for she changes constantly. Then your love would also change.” Soft breaths came from Harry, fingers running nimbly under Louis’ shirt, tracing down his spine. Lips pressed against the slight stubble on Louis’ jaw, causing him to tilt his head to give more access as he racked his brain for more. “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Harry is the sun.”

With a quiet giggle, Harry pulled back to place a kiss on Louis’ nose. “Shut up, idiot.”

“You’re my Juliet.”

“No, you’re  _my_ Juliet."

“Are you making fun of my slightly feminine characteristics?”

“I’m the manly man.”

Louis snorts, and Harry protests. “Heeeeey.” He whines, fingers kneading into Louis’ hips.

“Well, if I’m your Juliet, does that mean that you, Romeo, will ask for my hand in marriage?”

“I was planning on it.”

And that was the part that Louis’ mouth went completely dry, and he had to blink to get his eyes back in focus. With his mouth opening and closing- as if he was a fish- he shook his head. “You . . . what?” He asked weakly, pointer finger tracing slowly down Harry’s soft cheek.

All Harry did was smile, curl his fingers around the back of Louis’ neck and pulling him close. “Let lips do what hands do,” he whispered, breath smelling of Roast Beef sandwiches and Peanut Butter. Their lips pressed together in a soft haste, rough meeting soft. But all that was on Louis’ mind as Harry lay him down into the pile of blankets in the bed of the truck, making love to him and bringing him into a whole other world, was that Harry said he was planning on asking for his hand in marriage.

Louis shook his head, wrapping his arms tightly around his mother and pulling her close. “I’ll always be your LouBear,” he whispered into her ear, pulling back so he was holding her at arms length. There were tears on the brim, threatening to spill over, and Louis just smiled. “Don’t cry, mum, it’ll ruin your makeup.”  
  
With a watery laugh, Jay turned her attention from him to behind his shoulder, where Liam was stood, holding Louis’ graduation gown over his arm. She took a step back, motioning for Liam to come forth and give it to Louis, who all but squealed and pressed a kiss to his cheek, exclaiming that he was a ‘miracle worker’ and a ‘life saver’.

Everyone was divided in three cars. Louis, Harry (once they pick him up), Zayn, Liam and Sophia were going to be in the first which was a towns car. Mark, Lottie, and Phoebe in the second. Jay, Anne (once they pick her up), Fizzy, and Daisy in the third. With Anne in the third car, Harry was sat beside Louis in the first, one hand holding his and the other gripping a little black box in his tuxedo jacket.


	29. Graduation (Part Two)

Leg bouncing nervously, Louis fiddled with the hem on the sleeve of his graduation gown and watched as people went up, one by one, getting their hand shaken by the headmaster and a few other higher-ups in the school system while getting handed their diploma. Being Valedictorian, it was arranged that he would still go up once his name was called, and then whenever his graduating class finished, he would go up and give his speech. That had his nerves going wild.

Whenever Harry was called up, he stood up, screaming and shouting while his mate, Erin, chuckled and slapped his back, urging him to sit back down. He did, whenever Harry smiled into the crowd of students before disappearing back into his seat. Erin got his attention after a few more students went up, smacking Louis’ arms a few times with the back of his hand. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.” He whispered, until Louis rolled his eyes and looked over towards him. “Yes?”

“Are you nervous?”

“What even kind of question is that, E? Of course I’m nervous! I have to give a speech in the front of the whole student body, ya twat.”

“You’ll do great, I just know it. I’m mostly looking forward to after it’s finished.”

“Trying to get rid of me that quickly?”

“Not quite.”

**

“Now we are going to have our Valedictorian, Louis Tomlinson, come up and give his speech. If you will,” Mr. Larkins- headmaster- smiled, giving a gentle pat on Louis’ back as he walked to the middle of the stage. The podium seemed much larger as he stood in front of it, and he took a quick glance up to the crowds of people in chairs, before back down to his speech that he placed down on the podium.

Taking in a deep breath, Louis adjusted the cap on his head and cleared his throat. “Here, in Greenwood Academy, is where I grew as not only a student, but also as a person. It was at this school that I learned things that my mother could not teach me; that I could not teach myself. Here, because of one certain person, I found out who I am now, and who I want to become. That, my fellow student body, graduating class of 2014, is because of my boyfriend.” Collective gasps were heard around, and Louis rolled his eyes. “Is it really that big of a shocker? Did I not look flamboyant enough for you all today?”

There were a few chuckles and giggles, but Louis continued on. “The staff members here- teachers, Mr. Larkins, even the academy’s guidance counselor- were always there to help me whenever I needed it. But, my boyfriend caught me at a rough time in my life, found out all of the baggage that I carried along, and still stuck around. He gave me something no one else could. And to think that first day I met him, I wasn’t even going to come to school.” He smiled shyly, finally looking up at the crowd of people and tapping his fingers on the wooden podium. “I think that what I’m trying to say is that maybe things are tough for you, and have been for awhile, but you shouldn’t give up. You have to keep fighting on, because there are bigger and brighter things for you outside of school!

“School, if you absolutely hated it, you’re done. You’re done for however long you would like. These things, these hardships that you had during Sixth Form, or even Secondary and Primary, were just bumps in the road along the road that you travel on. You need to keep travelling, keep going, to reach your destination that you were ultimately meant for. Thank you, to my friends and family and the staff members of Greenwood Academy! To my boyfriend. And I thank the people who made my life hell, because guess who isn’t up on this stage right now, giving their Valedictorian speech? And then look at who is.

“I feel like this speech should have started with a ‘friends, family, we are gathered here today’ but that would make it sound too much like a funeral. So, I’m going to end it here. I love you all, even the ones who didn’t think I would make it where I am today, and I congratulate my fellow classmates.”

Clapping. There was clapping and cheering and Louis was smiling so big that his cheeks were going numb. He stepped off of the stage and walked back to his seat, but not without receiving pats on the backs and wolf whistles. He sat down for a few minutes, as Mr. Larkin thanked Louis for the speech, and then asked all of the graduating students to “please stand.” Everyone turned the tassels on their mortarboard to the left, and as Mr. Larkins said “your graduating class of 2014, everybody”, all caps went into the air.

And as Harry finds him in the crowd, pulls him on the stage, speaks into the microphone to get everybody’s attention and then gets down on one knee, Louis wonders how he got so lucky to end up with this beautiful boy. But for now, as a ring is slipped on his finger and lips are pressed against his, he figures he shouldn't question it.


	30. Chapter 30

“This place is absolutely perfect.”

Louis let his fingers slide across the island in the kitchen, turning around to look at Harry with a smile stretched across his lips. With the crinkles by his eyes and the excitement his fiance clearly showed, Harry knew that this was the place. This was the place they would make so many memories in during the years to come, until settling down in an actual house instead of an apartment in New York. But, for now, they both knew that this is where they are meant to stay.

“Have you two come to a decision?” Asked the woman who was stood by the door, red lipstick bright and pencil skirt wrinkle-free.

“We want this place. Most definitely, we do.”

“What method of payment?”

“Cash, until we get our checking in order.”

“Since this place is a special, you get the first month free. After that, rent is due the first of every month.” She spoke- Jenny, her name is- as Harry signed the papers, and then the key was handed over. “If you need an extra, there is a place off of 43rd called Jimmy’s Hardware, and he can make another copy of it. Congratulations on your new place,” Jenny gave a smile to the couple before nodding them off, shutting the door behind her as she left.

Harry locked it, turning to see Louis was watching him intently, eyes wide. “We have a place of our own,” he said quietly.

“And what do you want to do to celebrate that?”

The glint in Louis’ eye had Harry in front of him in five seconds flat, cradling his waist and pressing their lips together. It was frantic, not too romantic with the way their teeth clacked together and tongues ravished inside of each other’s mouth. Harry’s hand slid down the place where they were positioned on Louis’ waist, giving a gentle squeeze to his arse before holding onto the back of his thighs. In seconds, Louis was sitting on the edge of the island with his legs wrapped tightly around Harry’s waist.

“Wait, wait,” gasped Louis as he felt wet kisses being pressed down the side of his jaw.

Giving one last kiss to his jaw, Harry lifted his head and met eyes with Louis. Green meeting blue. “Yes?” He murmured, trailing his fingers down Louis’ jean clad thighs slowly, seductively.

“My mum said to give her a call whenever we got the place.”

With a fond roll of the eyes, Harry pecked Louis’ nose, a smile slowly making its way onto his lips that were looking absolutely obscene from their rather steamy makeout session. Swollen and red, Louis sighed contently. “Go on, call her.” Harry said, giving a smack to Louis’ bum as he hopped off the counter to grab his cellphone. Giggling, Louis turned around to look at Harry, trying to feign annoyance but looked lovingly at him instead.

“Harry.”

“Yeah?” Harry raised an eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“I love you.”

And as Harry watches Louis smile shyly, looking down at the floor as he goes to retrieve his cellphone, he knows that, yeah, he loves him a lot.


End file.
